Okay, you may remember that I essentially came out to all my friends last week. Well now I'm starting to question my sexuality again. I mean I'm sure I'm gay. 100%. But I'm starting to feel like I'm closer to a Kinsey 4 or 4.5 than a 5 like I thought. I don't think it's a powerful enough attraction for me to consider myself bisexual, but I'm having this problem where I can only envision myself in a long-term relationship with a woman, even if I'm primarily attracted to men. Specifically, my friend. The first person I came out to. We've been pretty much best friends since then and I value her so much. But I have this other friend, a straight guy, who, after I told him a couple weeks ago, asked if he could as this first friend out, and told me that he had been hesitating because he thought we had a thing. I told him to go for it, that there was nothing between us, and he did, and he got turned down. But now I'm starting to think that actually there might be something between us. Obviously I can't just ask her out to see if it would work, because oh my god what a slap in the face, but we are a perfect emotional match and there have been times in the last week or so when we've been alone and all I've wanted to do is kiss her. And I don't think she would object much... I'm not as attracted to her physically as I am to men, not nearly, but I can't see myself in a relationship with another man right now, and I can see myself with her. But aarggghhh none of that changes the fact that I'm GAY and I'm attracted to MEN and all my, let's just say it, sexual fantasies involve MEN. And I like being gay! I like having the freedom to be honest about who I think is hot and knowing that I don't have to hide anymore. What does any of this even mean? Ugh I'm so frustrated! I don't know how to bring this up to anyone, or if I even should. Is it worth pursuing this sometime? Not now, I know that. I can't hurt my straight friend. But I just can't figure out if this is real or a reaction to something or what... :/
Like you I've known a long time that I am attracted to men. I'm also attracted to women and have been married to a woman for a long time. Since you are a single person who still seems unsettled about your own sexuality, why not explore your feelings toward your female friend? Admittedly, since you've already come out to her, going back and telling her now you think you might be attracted to her will be awkward and confusing. But, why not try? Actually, if you do develop a physically intimate relationship with her, it would be based on honesty--she'll know you like men, and if she likes you, it won't matter to her. I've never shared information regarding my male attraction to any female I've been intimate with. So every relationship I've had with a woman has included dishonesty. This dishonesty has certainly hurt my relationship with my wife! Simply be honest about your feelings and see where this thing goes. Good luck.
I don't think you should try it. If you do then later decide you are completely gay, both of you will probably come out of the relationship hurt and confused. I think you need to analyze your own sexuality. Do you genuinely like her? Or do you like the idea of being with a woman so you will be percieved as "normal?"
