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Hurting family & friends?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Scootering, Apr 30, 2011.

  1. Scootering

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    So I've recently come to terms with my sexuality, after years of contemplating whether I'm gay or not I think I've finally made my mind up. However, coming out might be something I'm not really ready to do.

    My main problem isn't really me personally it's just the people who are close to me, family & friends.
    I originally wrote my old life story in the thread in terrible discourse, so I'm just going to get to the point this time :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:.

    I guess I considered myself gay around like age of 13-14? I don't really want to go into specifics, but I know guys were what I was into (to put it bluntly).

    I am happy with my relationships with my family and friends at the moment, my family are very close and we see eachother regularly. I have recently moved schools so I am considered the "new kid" and have found myself in a group of friends who can I share my nerdy personality with fully (which I couldn't really do in my previous school).

    Throughout my life I have stated to be straight, to everybody. However, recently after meeting a gay guy at school, who I consider to be a friend, I have been thinking hard about my sexuality and whether to come out. Just to say though, I am not attracted to him in any way. I just admire him for coming out really.

    In this new school, I have had a girlfriend. We were close, similar personalities and interests and I thought I'd give it a shot. After 2 weeks, nothing really happened though so we agreed to call it off. Truth is, I do still have feelings for her. We are still close friends, but I feel if I do come out I may hurt her in a way. Like I betrayed her, and I don't want to do that. I like our friendship.

    Similar with family really, after years of lying to them, I don't want my relationships to be hindered in anyway. Especially with the younger members of my family (sister and cousins). I am happy.

    But I think with coming out I could act more freely around my family and friends over time, but I don't want to hurt them in anyway. I don't really know what to do :/

    Sorry for the rubbish thread, never really done this kind of thing before. I'm willing to answer questions which may help or whatever.
     
  2. Daryn

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    Why are there eggs scrambling in the street?
    Do you have a good idea about how many of your friends and family members would react? Like, are they homophobic or do they seem to be accepting when it comes to other people?
     
  3. Scootering

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    I believe most of my family are alright with it. I am sure my mum will be fine with it, not sure with my dad. My aunt/uncle will be fine as my cousin came out as lesbian a year ago. Grandparents are tricky :/.

    I have no utter clue with my sister or younger cousins. I've heard them use gay as a general negative term before but I've really asked out of fear that they might suspect something :/.

    Most of my friends are friends with the gay guy I referenced and they are perfectly fine with it. So I guess it would be okay as well?
     
  4. Daryn

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    Why are there eggs scrambling in the street?
    It sounds to me like you could have a lot of support then. I get that you don't want to hurt anyone, but if your family seems alright, I don't think you would be hurting them. Maybe you could just have a talk with the girl you dated so she doesn't have to find out from other people if you do decide to come out.
     
  5. Jim1454

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    I don't think I've read a story here about someone coming out and people being angry that it took them so long to do so. Generally, people understand that this is a big deal for us. Realizing you're gay, and then finding the courage to share that fact, is something that takes time. So no, people won't judge you for not being up front about this in the past.