A bit of background about me.... I am of Asian background and live and work in Sydney, Australia but my family lives in Asia. I never really talk a lot with my parents (except for mum). About three years ago, after being messed up for a while, I finally accepted that I am gay. I am now living as an out gay man, although I never shout it out. About one and a half years ago, I went back home and came out to my parents. It was a wierd situation. Being typically asian, my parents didnt really get it when I told them I was gay. I do not blame my parents because being in a conservative family in a conservative nation, it was hard for them to comprehend. I tried my best to explain to them that me being gay is not due to their fault and I can still live a fulfilling life like everyone else. Unfortunately, as I was living apart from them, i didnt think i get my message through by the time i left the country. I tried to call them a few times upon my return to Australia to have an open channel of communication but I think that my parents were trying to avoid the issue hoping 'it' will go away(typical asian bad habit). My dad sort of stopped speaking to me now. Our relationship became strained, including mine with my mum. I sort of gave up trying explain to them because its hard to do this over the phone as we can get frustrated and hang up. So, I hoped that the next time I go back, I will be better at it. However, now that i am going back to visit them again next week, I really want to help them to understand. Of course i will bring some brochures for them to read. I did bring the last time but i dont know if they read it. My main issue is that i am planning to bring "The Wedding Banquet" DVD and plan to ask them to watch it with me, hoping that it will help them. I cried profusely when watching this DVD and it was the catalyst that made me come out to them as well as more friends. I am scared however that doing this might seem that I am pushing a bit too hard? Am I? I am really at a loss sometimes to help them come to terms with my homosexuality because i dont want them to feel guilty about it or feel sad about it.
I've never watched that movie, so I can't really comment. It does seem that you're perhaps pushing a bit too hard. Remember that it took you a long time to come to terms with this - and it was YOU who was gay. So think about how difficult this is for your parents to understand, when it isn't them who is gay, and they are of a different generation living in a different culture from you. It's going to be MUCH harder for them. My advice would be to just go home and have a good holiday with them. If they'd rather live their life with their heads in the sand, then maybe you should let them - at least for a while. Now - if you get there and they've arranged dates with pretty young local girls for you, then you'll need to have a 'talk' with them again. Based on what you've written, I wouldn't push the topic. Just go home, have a good visit, and show your mom and dad that you're still the same great son they always knew. Show that you're happy and well adjusted, so they aren't worrying about you. If you have a boyfriend who you want to talk about, then talk about him. Talk about him 'assuming' that they've accepted your orientation. Don't apologize for it or feel you need to explain it again. My hope is that eventually they'll come around. But whether they do or not, you're still gay, and you're going to live your life the way you want to. There isn't anything they can do about that.
Hi Jim, Thanks for the response. I guess I was too caught up in trying to get my message across. As you said, I should just go back and enjoy their company and if the subject comes up, try to be calm and explain. I guess they might take a while longer to accept it. Thanks
