I don't even know where to start with this. Okay, so a few months ago, my best friend (I'll call her E) was staying over at my house for a night. We were chatting and eventually we got to the topic of all the people we'd had crushes on. We listed all the boys (she had, like, double what I did) and then I asked "What about girls?" Because we're both bisexual and extremely comfortable with each other, nobody got freaked, but she told me to go first. I listed about as many girls as she had boys, and her response was something along the lines of a shocked "Damn, girl!" I asked her about the girls she liked, and she named an old close friend, told me that she's more prone to "wandering eyes" than actual crushes on girls, and then told me that for the first couple months she knew me she had a crush on me, but got over it and didn't "like me like that" anymore. Fo some reason unbeknownst to me at the time, I told her that I also used to like her, but got over it too. Then I started feeling really depressed and guilty about saying that - now I'm realizing that if I didn't like her before, I definitely like her now. I hate it. I hate it so much. I just want to curl up and die. I am just so stuck here. If I tell her, she'll probably freak and won't talk to me like I'm me anymore. If I don't tell her, I'll become that one friend who's always there to listen to all your troubles and give advice about everything at their own expence, who never wants anything in return, just so that they can be near you. I hate it. It doesn't help that people are always mistaking us for girlfriends or friends with benefits. She's always complaining about being single ever since she broke up with her last boyfriend... Why don't you just look in front of you for once!? We have an odd dinamic already, the two of us. I always compare it to Calvin and Hobbs - a "Calvin and Hobbs Friendship". She's the troublemaker, and I'm the responsible one who's ultimately worse than the other. I'm already her freakin' morality chain, and half the time I feel like she's the only person I can talk to, almost a crutch - I can't talk to her about this. Not now. On top of that, I get jealous fairly easily and tend to act on instinct if you can push me over the edge. Well, one foot is hanging off a cliff. So, I apologize for the huge wall of text. Later I'm probably going to laugh at myself for even writing this and feel like a total facking idiot. But I'm having a crisis right now, so wth ever. As I see it, my options are: A) Ignore it and be in pain until it numbs B) Tell her and ruin your friendship C) Live with it until you're older, tell her, and then hope for a fairytale miracle
