I dont know what to do. i dont know how to react or act for that matter. I think im male stuck in a female body. i have always gotten along better with males. i keep having dreams lately of being a male. i have always day dreamed of sex where im the male. I seem to lead a males life but each time i go to talk to my family my parents make comments about things like im so glad your my daughter. i want grandchildren, or they make rude comments about same sex relationships. they are totally against changing what god gave you. I dont feel that im a lesbian i feel im straight but confused cause i have female body parts. I want to be accepted by everyone i know but i fear they wont accept me. sometimes i just think about running away from all i know running to the one person that thinks im a guy. cause thats where i want to be. in the life i have always dreamed of. i have a few friends that are gay and lesbian and everytime they come over to hang out my parents always leave or have something to say when they leave. i fear i wont be accepted for who i am. im scared ill be an outcast. i dont know what to do or say to them when they make comments. i just want to give up.
Welcome to EC! Can you give me some idea how old you are? That might make it easier for me (and others) to give some suggestions or advice. Lex
Welcome to the site! I agree with Lex. Its really kind of hard to give advice without an idea of how dependant you are on your parents. I know how you feel though. I came out to my parents as gay over a year ago. They reacted horribly and I've felt like the family disappointment ever since, and I haven't even told them about my the fact that half the time I'm obsessed with wanting to be a girl lol The good news is that despite my parents being so homophobic they still say I love you, I still live with them while they help me with college, and I still hold on to hope that perhaps one day they will actually accept me. I hope that my personal story about my family can be of use to you. Sometimes people can surprise you. Best of luck, and shoot me a message if you ever want someone to talk to (*hug*)
Family situations can be tough to deal with. No matter your age, I would suggest just giving yourself time to figure things out, as you still sound a bit confused, and that's okay. Try not to worry about what anyone but yourself thinks right now. Once you become more comfortable with yourself and who you are, it will be a bit easier to deal with everyone else.
Hey, welcome to EC. I understand how you feel, and I went through much the same thing myself. I see two issues that you are struggling with, whether you are ftm, and how to deal with a family that appears to be rejecting you. To get things straight, I take it you haven't discussed the fact that you are questioning your gender with your family. If this is so, then whatever they say, remember they aren't rejecting you. They're making stupid, ignorant comments about people that have nothing to do with them (as far as they know), but if they are a caring family they will rethink their preconceptions about a lot of things if you tell them. Now, of course I'm not advising you to tell them about questioning - that just leads to tonnes of problems. If they think they can 'save' you before you make up your mind by challenging you, then they may end up repressing your feelings for you, which is something you certainly don't want to experience. If you make up your mind about your gender, and it turns out to be other than cis-female, and if you tell them, then it has to be when you are sure of yourself. im so glad your my daughter. That sort of remark really hurt me, and I suppose its understandable, if a little irrational. They (I think) have no idea whatsoever that you are anything but their daughter. The thought of FTM transsexuals has probably never even crossed their minds. Saying something like that means very little to them other than an expression of love for you. Of course it means a great deal to you, and not a whole lot of positive deal, but they don't know that, and you can't really expect them to. So now we get onto the subject of answering your questioning about gender. Be aware that there are more genders available to you than just female or male - there are a near infinite types in between that are perfectly valid. This doesn't necessarily apply to you - its just something that needs to be considered by anyone questioning their gender. It seems clear to me that life isn't working out for you as someone who is assumed to be a heterosexual female. You've said you don't feel like a lesbian, you feel like a straight man, so lets work with that. How do you feel about your female body - not just the sexual parts, but everything else as well - and would you feel more satisfied with a male body. The answer to that for me was yes. You don't have to answer that question to anyone else, just to yourself and in your own time. There is another question concerning gender, and that is your mind. When someone refers to me in a female way (which doesn't happen anymore), an image of myself as a woman forms, and I feel disgusted with myself. Literally every time it happened, I felt like disappearing, jumping off a building - anything to get away from my life as it was. I couldn't go on like that. Thats how I knew I wasn't a woman. And after I transitioned, people started referring to me as a man, and that was the best experience I've ever had. I still experience physical dysphoria, but innocent words no longer make me feel so bad. Make of that what you can. I hope it can help you. I guess what I'm saying is pay attention to the way other people's words and actions make you feel about yourself.
