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Comments my family have made

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by splattered, Feb 16, 2012.

  1. splattered

    Regular Member

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    Ok My Uncle said to me about a month after anonymous sex (which I know is terrible and try to remind myself it wasn't me it was mania, drugs, alcohol, anything). Well I thought nobody knew and I was in the clear. I woke in the morning and said I'm never doing that again. Well he said to me "Your Gearbox is coming down". I thought that was just the name of a song I like. Urban Dictionary defines it as "fag" or something. So I played it off or maybe led into it I don't remember. He worked with local police at the time. Anyways word gets back to him and I'm pretty sure he knew. I think my dad, grandpa, brother know as well. If he wanted to confront me he should have just said it. But being the wreck that I am maybe he was trying to be gentle and let me figure it out later. So fast forward a week, two, three weeks I don't know I lost track of time. I get out of the mental hospital and we take a trip down to my Aunt and Grandpa's house. No particular reason was given for the trip. For some reason they're showing me this casino game on the computer and my Grandpa delivers this line "This is were dead people come to play". Now I've tried translating it and it makes me think maybe it was my grandfathers way of telling me that I'm dead to him. I hope not. He's a great man. I mean a great man. I believe he still loves me and very much so. Maybe he never even said that like I'm told he didn't and I'm told the same about my uncle. Just upsets me a little. Not my Grandfather I love him and my Uncle. But those two lines "your gearbox is coming down" and "this is where dead people come to play" really upset me. And if I hullucinated them then I'm really not right in the head. Who delivers messages to themselves that way? I'd like to believe it was very real.

    ---------- Post added 16th Feb 2012 at 02:31 AM ----------

    This was well over 2years ago by the way. It just weighs heavily on my mind.
     
  2. sanguine

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    i think its best to go with your gut feeling on this one, it's pretty obvious the family doesn't tolerate gays, well that's what im getting at anyways, and i think you probably know that more than anyone.

    i suggest maybe not letting it eat away at you, 2 years have gone by and that should be alot of time for you to have made some kind of move, from my own experiences i always think back and wonder why i needed my parents approval for me to just be, after all you are your own individual and it's you who lets others effect you, family or not.
     
  3. Jim1454

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    You need to somehow let this go. People don't carry this kind of thing around for 2 years. Especially things so cryptic. I'm betting that you've read into the meanings of what they've said WAY too much. I'm not sure why they would have talked to you that way - I know my grandfathers weren't like that. They said what they meant and they meant what they said. They didn't play mind games or use mysterious language to convey a message.

    Assume that you've misunderstood what they said, and forget about it. Really - please just forget about it.

    What's going on with you today? Right now? That's what you need to be focussed on. You say in your profile that you're 'questioning'. What do you think is holding you back from really understanding yourself? I know Texas isn't the best place to be if you're something other than straight - so is that a factor?
     
  4. Robert

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    Depending on your situation, it may help to talk to them about it. Its likely that they have forgotten that any of that ever happened but it still might help you to know.

    But TBH this whole thing seems like an overreaction to me.
     
  5. splattered

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    Yeah, I should let it go. Theres nothing I can do. And Jim right now I haven't been able to sleep in a couple days. I'm paranoid someone is out for me. And I don't want to focus on that. I'm talking funny and I'm not enjoying this at all. And I'm not questioning any longer. I am bisexual. I just haven't changed it on here.