Confusion and Dealing with Unsupportive Family

Picking a title for this thread was hard. Because the issues below, aren't restricted to one scenario, but many. After careful thought, I realized the common factor was FAMILY.

Let's start at the beginning and get all the facts out there.

I am Bisexual. I have known since I was in junior high and I experimented with my best friend. I prefer men to women, and still find women very attractive, but at the end of the day, I think penises are sexy. A few of my friends know that I am bi, and of course my significant other, but not my family.

My Family is not only very Christian, they are Catholic. My Family is also very conservative. This means that growing up, I had very little support. My family does not know of my sexual orientation, and I doubt I will ever tell them. I love my family and I know that they would not be accepting of this. I do not hate them for the way they are, and I hope that when I am a parent with children that I can be there for them and let them know I love and support them no matter who they are.

My 'Boyfriend' is a Transsexual. He is one of the most amazing people I have ever met, and I have loved him before and after I have known how he feels. He feels he should be a woman, and despises his male body for the most part.

So what is the problem?

1) I am confused. For the longest time I have imaged what it would be like to have a penis. And more recently, this feeling has gotten stronger. I feel like part of me is missing. However, I would not feel complete with out my woman parts either. Sure once a month, I would be willing to trade, but I want nothing more than to get pregnant one day, and carry my children, and be a mom. I am lost here and don't know what to think about my 'weird' obsession.

2) I am greedy and selfish. As I mentioned above, my current boyfriend is transsexual. He is so attractive to me, both in looks and personality, and I wouldn't want him to change anything about himself. However I know how he feels, as he and I have obviously talked about things a bit. Because both our families would never understand him changing genders, especially including surgery, he has said he would probably never do it, as it isn't worth losing all his family and friends for and is quite expensive. But, I know I haven't helped. He knows I don't want him to change. I support him, I am starting call him by Elendra (Elly) instead of Jeremy, and want him to be happy. So why can't I let him change to be how he is? Because I fear my families reaction. I would be perfectly happy if he wanted to, and did make his body more feminine, but facing my family and their reaction makes me fearful. I am always scared they will cast me out and not love me anymore because of the person I choose to love.

So here I am, asking for any advice. Both Elendra and my family are super important to me, and I don't want to lose either.

 

So I thought I should give a bit of an update.

I spent a few hours talking to Elendra about what he wanted for us and for himself. We have been dating for almost 2 years, and I have known about his Gender feelings for about a year at least. And it took some getting used to that he felt differently, but at the time he had said he wasn't planning on changing at all. It has been about 6 months since we really talked about it last, but being halfway across the world from him has given me tons of time to think and thus, here I am.

Anyway, I learned that if he had the money, Elly would love to do both facial reconstruction surgery and breast implants for sure. He is hesitant about HRT, because we want kids, and he heard HRT can make you infertile. Finally while eventually he would like SRS, he said that other things like making his own children and such, is more important to him.

He asked me about who I felt about everything, and honestly, if my family issues were out of the picture, I know I would be absolutely okay with him slowly making small changes in order to transition. I love him no matter what he looks like, and really him being happy is more important to me. Heck, I even kinda like the idea of him transitioning. So on a personal level of accepting him, and understanding what he wants and how he feels, I am right there next to him ready to support him. We even talked about counselling together when he starts his transition, so that everything is out in the open between us and difficulties we may have on this journey.

But mine and his own family issues won't go away. What frightens me the most, is that after we get married, he wants to tell our families. Get it out in the open and deal with it. He thinks that standing up to them will be hard, but better for everyone in the end. I feel so selfish. Here he is, wanting to be who he really is, and even stand up to our families, and I want to just hide it away. Not let them know. I don't want people to judge us, or make fun of him. I want that picture perfect 'Man and Woman marriage and life' but the 'man' I want to be with, wants to be a woman. I love him so much and support him best I can, but I am so lost about what to do about my family.

Has anyone dealt with coming out as a transsexual to your partner's family? How did it go? Do you think it was the best option for you to move forward with your transition??

Thanks for all the help I get.

~~
Rosina,
Thanks for the support. I don't have to really ask my family to know how some of them feel. Others might be more open, but not to the extent I would like them to be. I am just so nervous to find out who would stand neutral, with me, or against me.

 

So kinda a bump for my thread, I would really like to find other transsexuals / transgender people to talk to, and find out about their support systems, and relationships and such.

Any little bit could help. I just feel really lost right now.

 

Thanks so much for the response. Knowing that someone else feels that their gender isn't exactly one or the other makes me feel a little more 'normal' if there even is such a thing. I have tried to make peace with the fact that the part of me that is missing can't be just surgically gained, but it is hard to admit you will always have a hole. Thanks for sharing your own situation.

I am beginning to consider counselling when I return to the US. I have never really talked about this to anyone except my current boyfriend, and I know I need to make peace with it. I am hesitant though and super nervous about going, especially alone.

 

Thanks to everyone who responded.

11 11 11, I certainly think that counselling will be the best thing I can do when I return to the states. Your advice was actually really helpful, even though you didn't think it would be. I actually know more about the subject than Elly does, but she is more of a 'go with the flow' kind of person. I want all the information now.

Unicornhorn, It is funny that you suggested that, because we are actually the complete opposite. While in the majority of our relationship I am the one "wearing the pants" as the phrase may be, in sexual side of our relationship, I am more submissive and she is more dominant. Thanks for the suggestion, but I don't really see myself as a top.

Farouche, I didn't think about that. It will certainly be something to talk to a counselor about when I get home.

~~~

So it is obvious now that I need to speak to a counselor or therapist. Is there a good way to go about finding one? Especially one that might not charge use through the roof? Poor College kids, you understand.