Best Friend or crush??

[hatethiscloset]

Hi everyone, I just wanted to discuss one (of the many :P) problems I'm having getting my thoughts in order.... So to sum up my issue, I'm having trouble deciding what i want right now...All of my life I have had ALL girl friends, up until like 8th grade when I became pretty close to one guy friend. Since then, I've found myself dropping everything just to text him and love to hang out with him, I would choose him over any of my other friends. But I'm not exactly satisfied with our friendship...in my circle of friends its sort of like everyones close with everyone else, its not as if me and him are "bros" or exclusively best friends. Like it would be considered really awkward if just the two of us ever hung out....
But it just so happens Ive had a crush on this guy for the past year which makes things even worse. At least i THINK i have a crush on him. I guess what I'm confused about is: do I really just want a guy best friend, who i could tell anything to and who will act like a best friend back to me.....or do i want something more? I want sexual relations with a guy in the future as well, so is this pretty much the same as wanting a romantic relationship?
What really has me questioning this is, besides this one guy I was also really close to another guy but that friendship only lasted a year (he was dating one of my girl friends at the time). me and him got pretty close fast and he always tried to make the friendship work. i was perfectly happy with this, and i KNEW i didnt want anything romantic with him.
This question has just been bugging me since im starting college soon because i am excited for a guy roommate....but im just not sure which reason its for!! any thoughts on this would be appreciated

[paul]

I really didn't want to answer this question--even though I have had a lot of personal experience. As I watched this thread still have no posts, I decided to jump in and give it a go. Well for starters, it really sounds like you really like this guy--definitely more than just a friend. I am guessing if tomorrow he asked you go out with him, you would do in it in a heartbeat. Having a sexual relationship is different from a romantic relationship because romantic relationships actually mean something! To me from reading your post, you really like to hang out with this guy--so I am going to go out on a limb and say there is more there than just a sexual attraction. Find a guy who you actually like to spend time with and that you are sexually attractive. You will be a lot happier and the sex will mean something.
Best of Luck,
Paul

[hatethiscloset]

Thanks for deciding to post! And yeah its pretty obvious i suppose lol. The issue is can I still just have a guy best friend? Like when I start college and get closer to guys will I be able to keep it at a friendship without liking them as more?

[D4rk Sp4rt4n]

Let's slow down. Is he gay? Are you closeted? Is he closeted? You mentioned that he was dating your friend whom is a girl, yes?

You've got to be careful, my friend. This may not be the relationship you truly want, he might not understand that you have a crush on him, and that you want him as a close best friend.

What confuses me is that you stated you also want a sexual relationship.

Bro, changing people doesn't work.

Two of my close straight friends know I'm gay, one of homophobic (he's a bit father than my best friend), and my best friend doesn't care, he constantly shows he doesn't care by slapping my ass when he wife isn't looking, it's cause he's like my brother, I've known him for 7 years.

I wanted what you want: a close best friend and a sexual relationship.

I have what I wanted. I have a close best friend, but these things take time.

I stated earlier I have two close friends, the one whom I've known only a year, we aren't too close anymore, it may be because he's socially awkward, or it may be because I unintentionally tried to change him. My best friend and I have had multiple arguments, we've argued about matters trivial, so completely serious. Not so much anymore, though.

I seem to be rambling, but what I'm telling you is that straight guys, you can't make them gay, they won't have a sexual relationship with you, you'll only end up obsessed, depressed and your true feelings, repressed.

I can honestly say that if either of my friends said "let's go fuck", or "hey, can I get a BJ?", I'd probably comply, with ease.

Becareful, you're still young, your feelings are still very much at risk of being seriously hurt.

I apologize if I assumed too much and went off topic.

[Ianthe]

Hi, hatethiscloset! I see you just arrived yesterday, so welcome to Empty Closets.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the main question you are asking here is whether you are able to have platonic friendships with men at all, since you are gay, and since you usually have close friendships with girls.

Of course you can. Your closest friendships will likely continue to be with women, because people's "friendship orientation," if you will, tends to be nearly as stable as their sexual orientation--but not as exclusive. Like, you will probably always have a need to have female friends, but this won't stop you from also having a few male friends.

Regarding the roommate situation, though, it's probably very important to establish in your mind that he's not an acceptable person to develop feelings for. Seriously, think of him as a relative or something. Because you live so closely with a roommate, romantic feelings can easily get out of control. "Help, I'm in love with my straight roommate," threads are fairly common.

Obviously, someone you feel emotionally close to that you are also attracted to is someone that you are likely to develop romantic feelings for. As you have relationships and come out more, and interact with other gay guys more, you will probably be more able to put straight guys into a mental category where you've just accepted that romance isn't possible. But when that includes pretty much all the guys you know, that isn't as possible. You'll develop feelings for guys you know.

I guess the fact that most of your friends are girls probably does mean that the few guys you are friends with will tend to turn into crushes. Serious crushes do tend to develop for people who aren't total strangers, after all.

So I guess that my solution would be to associate more with gay guys so that you will have a lot of potential available crush objects that are gay, because that way you will hopefully develop crushes on them, and not your straight roommate.

[hatethiscloset]

thanks, thats definitely good advice I guess what I was trying to get at is, if I've managed to develop a crush for my best guy friend, how can I just make guy friends without getting crushes on any of them? I suppose just meeting more gay guys to crush on is a good idea. Hopefully when I start college I will be much more confident in this and will be able to date... as of right now I am only out to 1 of my friends and I'm definitely not ready to date!
I guess I shouldn't be so surprised, when you think of it from the "straight" point of view. Guys are usually friends with mostly guys and becoming close to a girl usually leads to having a relationship with them.

[Zuuki]

Hello, hatethiscloset. I assume that your main questions are "Can I be just friends with a guy even though I'm gay?" and "Is a sexual relationship the same as a romantic relationship?"
The answer to your first question would be yes. I'm lesbian, and most of my close friends are girls. Of course, you may find yourself growing attracted to one particular friend, similar to how a straight boy that is friends with girls may find himself growing closed to a particular girl. If you've just recently discovered your sexuality, then you'll soon find that the only difference between homosexuality and heterosexuality is the gender you're attracted to.
The answer to your second question would be no. A sexual relationship invoices only sexual acts, whereas a romantic relationship involves a true understanding between the two partners. Many people who have just realized they are gay or lesbian strive for a sexual relationship, to experiment with their orientation. This may be the case for you. Hope this helps!