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How do you tell your family your engaged to your girlfriend???

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by amess, Oct 15, 2012.

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  1. amess

    amess
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    Okay, so I haven't really been on in a while. Today is I guess the start to a new part here.

    I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years starting tomorrow, 10/16/09 is the anniversary. We decided to get engaged and make our love official. I want to tell my parents, but they are barely getting used to the idea of her being in my life as my girlfriend and not just my friend. They often refer to her as a daughter in law. They allowed her to be a part of our lives which is a big thing when it comes to my brother. I have a baby brother who has cognitive disabilities and they let her take care of him like if she was actually family.

    I have brought up the idea of marriage with a woman. My parents often just say "why would you? I'd spend money on a good vacation together". I know they mean well, but I kind of feel like telling them we want to get married, or at least have a commitment ceremony might not end well.

    My mother said once after bringing the idea up her mother and father are not married and have been together for the majority of their life. She says marriage, or a piece of paper, doesn't define a relationship.

    With that being said, how can I tell them that my parents that we want to actually get married. I want them to take it seriously. I want them to be happy like they were when my sister said she was getting married (both times). I am scared they wont care about it, or want to make it to the ceremony.

    Help...Really Scared...
     
    #1 amess, Oct 15, 2012
  2. Pat

    Pat
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    Well, it sounds like you don't have much of an issue here. Your parents seem to be open to accepting whatever you want to do. :slight_smile: I think you're kind of stuck on wanting them to feel passionate about it. This happens with my bro lol. He wants people to do something grand and sweeping for him and his wife when they have these milestones in their lives. The truth is that he doesn't have anyone else but me and my mom, just us to share the moments with. If being married solidifies the journey you two have been through together, then so be it! Your parents will respect your decision and it seems like they will be supportive. Just don't necessarily expect for them to be head over heels. We can't have EVERYTHING we want. Me personally, I'm much like your parents in that I don't need a traditional bonding of two people to be happy. When I think of being married to a man, I think of leaving him with the benefits i've acquired. Basically for that purpose. If it will make you two happier, I think you should go for it!
     
    #2 Pat, Oct 15, 2012
  3. amess

    amess
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    I guess your right. I can't have everything lol. I just I want to know they would be happy and let me invite our family. They wont even let me tell my mother's grandparents. Thank you for the advice.
     
    #3 amess, Oct 15, 2012
  4. bubblehead1230

    bubblehead1230
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    First of all congrats!!! IMO, it can really be a hard thing to get your parents to take your relationship seriously at such a young age, especially if it's something they might have difficulty coming to terms with. In my experience, this is one of those things that takes time with parents for them to understand that you are serious about your commitment to someone you love. Sadly, the only thing that helps is time. I talked to my mother about my relationship with my partner alone first (we've been together for 5 years so she didn't take it lightly). We are now talking about marriage in the next few years. I think that handling this with your parents by yourself first on the basis of them understanding that you love her and that it is serious and you would love for them to be behind you and support you, not just be ok with it, and then you and her can tell them after that processes that you are planning on getting married. I this can only help you and give you positive reinforcement. I traditionally took on the same thought that I didn't need a piece of paper to tell me that I cared about this person, but then I realized how differently people who are married are treated versus those that "just live together". Keep your head up. Good luck!! (*hug*)
     
    #4 bubblehead1230, Oct 15, 2012
  5. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Well I think you should bring it up now so that they have a long time to get used to it, im sure they will come around its not like they seem totally against it.
     
    #5 silverhalo, Oct 16, 2012
  6. amess

    amess
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    Thanks everyone. I am going to talk to them today. I want to invite our family. We have other members who are also homosexual in our family. It is just a quiet thing that no one talks about but we all know. I am just severely nervous. I know my father will wonder if I am serious, and my mother will kind of stay quiet. It is just hard. The last time we tried to talk about being serious my parents blew us off, and I get it. I am only 20 and she is only 23. We are severely young, and inexperienced, but I feel that when you know you just know. I am grateful for the support, and I will take your suggestions. I think I will talk to my mother first and alone and get her to say everything she wants to say knowing its just me and her and whatever she says will never be held against her.
     
    #6 amess, Oct 16, 2012
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