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Major crush on friend need advice

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by andy33, Oct 22, 2012.

  1. andy33

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    Hi all, advice needed, january last year I started going into a new pub on friday nights with a couple of friends of mine and noticed this lad playing pool and i just got an instant crush on him, every week we went in he'd be there, i so wanted get to know him but was shy to even talk to him, anyway after a few weeks went by, i started saying hi to him and little stuff like that, played pool with him, was still shy though, i remember one friday night september 2011, i went outside for a smoke and he was outside too, i just had to tell him i liked him, so i did, it went like this:-

    ME:I want tell u something, but u might go mad at me
    HIM:What, go on
    ME:I can't you'll kill me, you'll never speak to me again
    HIM:What what what what, go on (smiling)
    ME:well, i like you, i really like you

    He shook my hand and he just said respect and we both went back inside he was fine everything ok, didn't change anything. I think he bought me a drink later that night too, i was still very shy around him.
    A few weeks later end of october 2011, pub was ready for closing for the night and he asked if he could come to the casino with me as i always went there after pub, i said yes of course feeling very excited but nervous at the same time, anyway for some reason he couldn't get in casino, he wasn't wearing the right clothing so we went into the town for a drink instead, and i was telling him about me being shy around him and that i couldn't even talk to him, he was just laughing and smiling about it, i manged to get him come back to my house for something eat, it took a while to talk him into it. He came back, but he was tired and falling asleep, it was late. Before he went home, i got his phone number and i give him mine.

    The next day, he text me "are u awake yet?" so over text message I invited him out to my local pub where i host a karaoke night, later that day well evening, i picked him up and took him to my local, he stayed at my side mostly while i was working. As the weeks went on we did the same thing went to his local on friday nights and my local saturday nights, i was starting to loose the shyness now with him as i was getting to know him, he got to know my friends and got to know a lot of his friends.

    I'm trying my best keep this short, thats how i got to know him, just before last christmas, december time i got to know his family, he has 3 brothers, great friends of mine his mum,dad, they all know im gay and that i have this crush on him, all my friends a few of his friends know too. Since december i spend all weekend at their house, i stay over friday, saturday nights, they always make me feel welcome. The question is, I don't know if hes gay/straight/bi or what, i'll briefly describe little things that makes me think hes in the closet or bi/gay

    One of his older friends says that he thinks he's gay and hides it
    Sometimes he'll say hes cold, feel my hand, or he says feel my face he feels warm
    In a club in the town one night i was sat on one of the bass speakers and i was having a joke about the vibration and he sat on my lap, i just wanted to hug but we was in public so i moved him to the side of me, in that same night we was outside and he had an ice cube in his mouth, i was stood pretty close to him face on, i think i had at that moment a situation where i couldn't stop looking at him, staring into his eyes for like 10 seconds or something, he swallowed the ice cube and he just said that i could have had that then, i assumed he meant passing me the ice cube, i said i was about to, he smiled. One night was in his local pub with him, there was a hen party on, this girl had a blow up doll of a naked male and she kept on coming near us with it, having a bit of fun, my crush was touching it's privates gently, he said i could do that with a real one. It's little things like that what make we wonder, from time i've known him, he's not had a girl friend recently, in the clubs where there are lots of girls he dosn't pay a lot of attention to them, sometimes i've seen him look, but not often.

    I always tell him, all the time that i love him, give us that cute smile, i always hug him, he just smiles, laughs a bit to himself.

    I dont know what to do, I was thinking of becoming distant from him to make it easier on me, no fault of his, i really like him, it was nearly 2 years ago when i first ever saw him, and been friends for 12 month since getting talking to him, any advice anyone? Anyone in a simular situation or been there before? Im 33 and he's 23, bit of an age gap as well.
     
  2. ForceAndVerve

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    Hey Andy, welcome to EC.

    Have you ever actually asked him outright if he's interested in you?

    I really find it hard to believe that he is 100% hetrosexual based off the way he acts around you.
     
  3. Amicus

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    Hello Andy,

    I commend you on having the courage to admit to your friend that you liked him! Unfortunately, I think that your instinct to distance yourself for a while might be a good one. Based on what you've told us, I don't think that he's ready to pursue a relationship with you at this point for 2 reasons:

    (1) When you told him, he had a very calm, neutral reaction. If he were also nursing a crush for you, I suspect he would have reacted more to the effect of "OMG YES I LIKE YOU TOO LET'S GO SKIP OFF INTO THE SUNSET!"

    (2) Even assuming he is gay/bi (which may or may not be true), it doesn't seem like he's ready/comfortable yet to share that part of himself with others.

    Of course, this must be all the more frustrating for you because he hasn't given you an explicit denial either, which is why before you go ahead and distance yourself, I would recommend that you ask him something else really difficult: whether he likes you too. If he does, then YAY! Let the makeouts and merriment commence!

    But if he answers anything except "yes," then perhaps say something to the effect of: "I'm sorry if I made things awkward. You're obviously very important for me, and I want us to remain friends, but I think we should spend more time apart for a while so that I can work through these feelings."
     
  4. andy33

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    Hello to you both and thanks for reading and replying, i'm finding it hard this week as I won't see him till friday tea time, I always spend all weekend with him and his family from friday tea time right till early hours of monday morning so I find the week lonely and he's never off my mind, constant feeling of butterflies and that chest pain you get when your just longing to reach out to someone you really love and hug and kiss them, crazy i know, no one has ever had this much effect on me, i have liked many other guys, but never this bad. I really don't know what to do.
     
  5. ForceAndVerve

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    Ye I think we have all been there. :/

    I really don't think any harm can come of asking him how he feels about you. He knows you like him and still remains very very close to you and is certainly not afriad of being close to you. At least if he tells you how he feels, then maybe it will bring some closure to how you feel. Being stuck in limbo is no good place to be.

    Just casually say to him: "You know how I feel about you, but I don't really know how you feel about me."

    But like Amicus said, if he in any way turns you down or gets uncomfortable, let him know that your friendship means the most to you no matter what.
     
  6. andy33

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    Hi all, just a quick update, i wasn't expecting see him till friday as he usually works all week and gets up at 5am for work, but hes off this week, and about 5pm today at work my phone starting ringing, i looked at it and saw that it was him ringing me, so i excitedly answered it:-

    me:Hi lad u ok whats up?
    him:hi, have u finished work yet?
    me:no not yet, but hope to be finishing soon though, why?
    him:might come round yours for a bit
    me:yeah, u know your welcome anytime, do u want some tea
    him:yeah, can do, text me when your on way home
    me:astonished:k lad, will do

    So an hour and half later, i text him to say im on way home now, i'll be 45 mins, I never heard anything back, i thought hes not bothering then, anyway when i got home, it was a bit later than 45 mins, nearly an hour, he was stood in garden waiting for me.

    We went in, i made tea for us both, then we sat watching tv all night, when our program had finished i thought he was going say he was going as it was getting late, i felt he was trying to hang on, like he didn't want to go just yet, he just sat there, for a minute or two looking deep in thought, then he said could i make him sandwhich, i said yeah no worries, so i did, he ate one and he wrapped up the rest to take home, on the way out, he said i'll ring you tommorow at 5pm as he wants come round again, then he said i go round his on friday for my tea before we go out. I know its probably irelevant, just thought i'd post to see if anyone had any more opinions, i wanted to bring it up tonight about my feelings for him, like i said he already knows, but i hadn't got the courage to bring it up, im scared of annoying him about it, anybody any more opinions?
     
  7. burg

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    it sounds like he is gay.i couldn't tell you if hes flirting for fun or love tho.I've flirted with one guy for fun.he was openly gay i wasn't out to him at the time. i knew he liked me but was kinda just softly hinting that im on the same team.and i did like him as a mate.we played pool a lot to.i wasn't looking for love tho.he could be doing the same thing as i did but could be more.