Massive crush on my first gay friend. Am I overcompensating?

Hi everyone.

I haven't really been out of the closet for overly long, and a lot of my friends still don't know. Because of that reason, I'd never met any other gay people until quite recently. I recently started a new job and one of my new co-workers is gay, and we hit it off really well. I didn't tell him I was gay for a few weeks, but I eventually did and all seemed great. He even took me down to some of the gay bars/clubs in the city, as I admitted I'd never been before, and I've had a really good night with him each time I've been with him.

Due to the nature of the job, I'm often out on clients premises, which means we don't see each other at work every day, and can go for weeks without seeing each other. After a few weeks of being together quite a lot, I've just gone through a period where we hadn't seen each other in over a month, and I realised, I have a huge huge crush on him. As in, I couldn't stop thinking about him, I was starting to look forward to seeing him again etc.

This week we're back to working in the same office for a few weeks and we got back to talking as if we hadn't spent so long apart (remember, I haven't really known him long enough for us to be great friends yet). However, he slipped into the conversation that he's meeting someone for a date this week (it seems like very early days and I don't think he really wanted to talk about it in depth). I responded postively and supportively but inside, I actually felt a little jealous...and dare I say hurt. I have no idea if he ever liked me in that way (I reckon probably not) and I know I have no right to feel that way. And I am happy for him at the same time.

I'm trying to work out if I'm just overcompensating for the fact that he's my first ever gay friend. I am attracted to him, don't get me wrong, but I don't know if I would be obsessing over him in my head so much if I had more experience with guys. Also, as we work together, I don't want to complicate issues so early, but at the same time I'm afraid I might miss my chance and I'm afraid that if I continue to feel like this it might ruin our friendship, which I really don't want to lose. Any advice?

Oh God, I feel like a 17 year old schoolgirl.

 

Well if he is in a relationship he probally isn't available, and if he is open he probally would have given you a sign if he was interested in you. He probally just wants to be your friend, you might just have to be content with him being your friend. This is good though because considering how you have just come out it is essential to build/find a social group who will support you and your sexuality, even if you don't gain a boyfriend you can still gain a good friend. You just came out just wait a little while and life will open up to you he doesn't have to be your first boyfriend and it would probally be better if you took some time for yourself to get used to coming out. So don't fret if it doesn't work out. Don't feel bad if he has someone else. Just keep living. Find pleasure in finding yourself- in exploring your sexuality and good things will come to you.