After I came out to my friends and my mom I've become overly sensitive to my family's anti- gay remarks. I'll be watching some tv show on the couch and as soon as something gay related is talked about on the television my dad, grandma, really whoever is in the room starts off on some homophobic rant. My grandma just said today we should round up all of the gays, force them onto an island and then nuke them. Before I told anyone I was gay, none of these comments ever bothered me. Now It just makes me feel really awkward to be around any of my family, because if they knew I was gay that's how they feel towards me. I feel hated in my own house, and it sucks!
Could you not talk to your mother about this? Also what your grandmother said must have been painful to hear. :icon_sad:
My mom doesn't want to defend me, she said saying anything about it would raise suspicion that I might be gay and she doesn't want anyone to know. She said I should just let it go, but that's becoming increasingly difficult to do.
The father of my kids and his cousin are extremely homophobic and it's caused many problems. The things they say are terrible, but I always speak up. I think once I come out to his cousin, hopefully he'll STFU! I know how you feel and while it does bother me, I can easily remove myself from the situation. You should either speak up or leave the room once your family starts gay bashing everyone. I often compare my kids father & his cousin to Hitler--he eradicated a group of people because they were Jewish and now, people want to do the same to gays. It's really sad to know that there are people out there who hate you for something we have no control over. If anything tell them how it makes you feel when they same things that like. I know it's almost impossible to change someone's views, but perhaps they will start being more considerate.
I tried just walking away. My grandma said "what's wrong, you don't like us talking about the f*gs?" And I had to talk my way out if it. It's like I have to lock myself in my room all day just to get away from it. :bang:
I know. But she has a point, as soon as my dad, or anyone in the family finds out I'm gay my life is over. I can't imagine what any of them will say or do.
Well if they have a problem with it then you're better off without them. Your life won't be over. Personally if I was in your position, I would move away asap.
I have no idea why but I burst out laughing at the 'put them on an island and nuke them' remark - mainly because of how ridiculous it sounds. Okay, to the serious note. You can either do one of two things, ignore it or tell them that it upsets you. I know that would mean coming out, but people will such narrow minds need to see first hand how those kind of comments can affect those close to them. Sometimes my friends (some that know that I'm gay) often say things like 'fucking fag/queer', not to me but just in general. I have to ignore it otherwise I'd be arguing with most my friends every day!
Anti-gay comments are really hard to ignore sometimes, but I think you can speak up without giving yourself away. I've managed to speak my mind without my kids father's cousin insinuating if I'm gay. I plan on telling him because I am sick of the crap he talks about gay people. I don't think you should come out because their insults may get worse. Do you have an iPod? Try listening to music whenever they start their gay bashing and tune them out
that sucks so much. I have family members who do the same thing and it just feels like I'm getting knives thrown at my heart. I think it's awful. Ughh it really is. Whenever I'm in that situation I try to defend the lgbt community. In the past though I used to meekly sit there and not say anything mostly because I felt like being gay was "wrong" at the time thanks to all that societal brainwashing. The bottom line is that it's pretty messed up that people do that. And why do they do that to people just because of who they love or how they express themselves? It's really insane when you think about it. You have a right to defend yourself. My suggestion, since you have homophobic family members, is to wait until you are either financially independent or live away from them or have some one who you can be with; to go hardcore on defending yourself (since you're scared of the consequences now) and being super out. That's what I did and that way I had a place to go or some one to be with just in case things got out of control.
As someone who's been there when I was 19, I can tell you that your not going to change their minds. They might not make the comments if you come out (or they might even get worse) but they'll think it, only this time it'll be about you. When I came out, it was only after I had moved out, which in my case was a good thing, because my parents disowned me, and my mom told me I was never allowed in her house again, that I was no longer her daughter. She even tried to imply to my sister that I was a pedophile, and couldn't be trusted watching my niece, because if I was into one "perversion", I must be into others. Although my straight brother isn't homophobic, he's outnumbered in the family. Although your family probably isn't that insane, if your out on your own, or at least have the ability to get out on your own, you won't have to hear that crap if it continues.
