Orthodox country... Religous family.. need help.

First of all, I must commend you for your courage to even talk about it.
I agreed with you that God loves everyone no matter what because he or she was created in the image of God. I know what you mean when you say that you have to come out. There comes a point in time where its bubbling right under the surface and its harder and harder to hide. I have not come out, my parents suspected in high school. How would being gay ruin your career and studies? Maybe there is a professor that is open minded or even gay to talk to for moral support, at least I'd hope so. The decision to not go through with a heterosexual marriage is really brave and you are being true to yourself I wish I had that courage. I'm currently married to a guy and I feel guilty for kind of "short changing" him by not really being attracted to him. On the other hand, if you decide to go through with an arranged marriage, do you think you could find an open minded woman? maybe come to some sort of agreement to try and both be happy. Ultimately, that's what you deserve, to be happy. You are not alone going through this. Believe it or not there are other people in the country, even city where you are that are going through the same thing. Plus, this forum is an additional personal cheerleading squad to help you through this tough time

I hope I helped at least a little,

 

You will need to be really careful. You have to protect yourself first and foremost. I would not have recommended you come out yet to anyone, because truthfully, are you certain that friend will not tell anyone? I don't want to scare you, but you need to be careful.

You are by no means the only gay Muslim man, in your country or any other. There are Muslim scholars in countries like the US and UK that are beginning to discuss homosexuality in the context of Muslim law and culture. There is now a mosque (it is technically an interfaith center though for safety) in Paris for LGBTQ Muslims. Things are beginning to change, but it is going to take time - especially in predominantly Muslim countries.

Orthodox Jews are beginning to address this issue with some rabbis intentionally setting up gay men and lesbian women in marriage, so they can continue to observe the laws technically, and have children together but are not sexual together for any other purpose. To be honest, this is not really the healthiest thing for the people involved, but it is an option that may be better for those who have no other option other than suicide or being killed. Ironically, since homosexuality appears to have a genetic component, this also increases the likelihood that at least one of the children they have will also be gay, so it doesn't really solve any problems in Jewish society with LGBT people. There are certainly lesbian women where you live, so even if you can't openly ask for that, it might be possible for you to get hooked up with one in marriage.

Another option is moving - a lot of gay men especially have left their Muslim countries for areas they can live more openly as themselves. This is a very hard choice, for so many reasons. But your English is very good, you are obviously educated, you might have some really good work opportunities elsewhere. Perhaps a search online will help you locate a group of others who have done this, to give you an idea of where might be a supportive place to live, so you won't be so isolated from your culture and all you know if you decide to do this. If you do leave, you would not necessarily have to come out to anyone in your family if you did not want to, just let them deal with the decision you have made to move to another country for work or other opportunities, which I'm sure will be hard enough without bringing being gay into it. If they are able to see their love for you separate from religion, they may understand and even support the move if you explained why you are doing it - but if they are likely to reject you and hurl a bunch of religious guilt at you, it might be better not to mention it.

I wish this was not so hard for you. But this is going to change eventually, the internet especially makes the cultural changes in the rest of the world hard to shut out, and there are too many gay people (they say at least 10% in every community) to ignore forever.

In the meantime, there are other Muslim posters here on EC. You may get more help if you post with a title about being Muslim - I have seen other threads there about the same topic, so you may get a few other Muslims to talk about it with. Also, this is not a very scholarly article to help with the beliefs, but maybe it will help just to see that you're not alone, here is a link talking about Islamic history/law and homosexuality: Queering the Qur

 

That's awesome! Then he doesn't think its a big deal I'm sorry you have to go through discrimination even in the academic world or work place
I guess the best thing is to believe there are other people like your friend that don't think being gay is a big deal. You just have to find them I hope you find as many as possible so you have the best support system available.But, So far you have your friend and that's a start. But, I agree with RainbowBright, you do have to be careful.

Good luck on your journey! and try and keep believing there are good people out in the world.