I can't see a way out, other than leaving one day. I plan to run away (more like emigrate) to Panama when I have the resources - but I don't think that's realistic. I can't see myself living the conventional family life if my close & extended family can't accept me as I am. Do I have a future here, or must I run away?
How do you know they are homophobic? perhaps try mentioning out public figures around them to try and change their perception?
I don't wish for anyone to be offended by this: Growing up, all I've heard is how disgusting and unnatural any form of homosexuality is. My family just treats it as though it's a disease, something which doesn't affect our family. They don't realise the amount of people who happen to be homosexual, instead they prefer to live in their little bubbles, and pretend that this "disease" does not affect any member of our family. To them, it doesn't exist, there is no talk of homosexuality, if there is then it's only negative. Whilst my cousins (my age) seem to be more open minded than the elder generation, they're still a bit ignorant, and continue to hold onto their bigoted beliefs. Certain aunts and uncles have clearly stated that they do not want "those sorts of people" associated with our family. These are the people I live with, who I'm supposed to live with and accept for the rest of my life, who I'm tied to by blood - yet I don't wish to be.
^ Well it's nice I guess to know I'm not the only one, of course I'd prefer if we didn't have to put up with this. & I don't wish to seem like a winging little boy, I'm open to all suggestions as to what I could do to make my life better, I appreciate the comments so far.
Yeah, your situation sounds a lot like mine. Sadly, the only thing we can really do is ignore it. When conversations veer towards LGBT things I usually leave the room because I know what's coming. (Actually, I was also thinking of "running away" someday too, except to Canada)
Are you out to your family? I don't know where you live so it's hard to really make much advice on this but to just stick with this bullshit for a while and when you go off to college/wherever you don't have to look back.
Out to no one, not a single soul. I live in London, but my family are from a different country and have held onto their backward views. I'm at university right now, I commute though, and I still don't feel able to be myself. I'm applying for accommodation next year though and hope I don't have to see their faces in a long time.
haha oh god. my whole plan for ages was to save up and move far far away also!! I have a new plan though. I will save up. And when I think i have enough to survive by myself Im going to come out to my family. depending on there homophobic little narrowed minded reaction i will happily move away from there. At least then I wont feel bad about running away
My family (particularly my dad and my extended family) is very homophobic. My sisters and my mom believe it's wrong but they aren't quite as homophobic. My mom was talking to my aunt and uncle with all my siblings and a couple cousins and she mentioned how my older sister had a girl crush on some celebrity. My aunt automatically goes "ew." And makes a face. Even when my mom was like no no a "girl crush" and had to explain it to her. I just felt awful. I don't know what you should do. I don't want to have to leave my family, but when I come out only a few people at best will still talk to me. I hope everything goes as well as it can for you
I also relate to that . It sounds like a description of my family. Im sad to here ur having these problems its.not nice but I hope our familys change there mind someday .
I plan on running away to South America. They always run away to South America lol That sounds like a good idea, I want to do that to - have a back-up plan. ---------- Post added 24th Jan 2013 at 06:06 PM ---------- Same here, my family is the most important thing in my life, but they are also the cause of my misery. I wish there was an easier way, but this is the life I was given. And thanks for your kind words, all the best to you too ---------- Post added 24th Jan 2013 at 06:07 PM ---------- I hope so too, If only this sort of stuff didn't exist! Oh well, keep calm and carry on
Hey Bahia... I think you could look at things in a different way. You are in a tricky situation that needs careful handling. All that 'hate talk' around you is difficult to handle and will have had a deep affect on you over the years - and yet keeping on good terms with family is also very important. This "running away" sounds drastic .. and puzzles me. 1) You are in London (?) one of the most gay-friendly cities on this planet. 2) You are in a university which will have wonderful support systems for you: - loads of LGBT support groups - a counsellor to talk things through with - clubs and societies to get a good circle of friends You are actually in a very good place (geographically) and could have an AMAZING future in London or actually anywhere you choose. The first step might be to move in to accommodation, or house share, with fellow students. That gets you some headspace without damaging the family relationship. Then you can develop your social life and plan strategies for moving forward with the important things in life. I once "ran away" to another country... It was a huge mistake for me. Why ?? It was exactly that .. "running away". When I arrived I just took my same problems with me. With hindsight I should have stayed and sorted out the issues.. and I truly wish I had. Hope you can make sense of things..
Wow - thank you bingostring, that really does make a lot of sense. You seem to get my situation exactly. I'm taking that accommodation thing very seriously I really want to move out next year and hopefully it will work out. I agree, I just need time to be myself. I can't even be in the same room as my relatives without constantly feeling on edge. Sometimes I avoid them altogether. I'd still like to see the world though! I guess I wont cut all ties with them.
Yes the key is (i) having the life YOU want and (ii) not losing / cutting off family in the process It takes some strategies ... but things might work out where you get both (i) and (ii) worked out Nothing has to be "black" or "white" ... They love you .. they have potential to change too
