If you saw my previous post, its that same guy. I will try to phrase it better this time though, explaining how the situation evolved and all, and try to make it sound less than a silly teenager crush story. So, he is not gay, he had a girlfriend as far as I am aware, and now I'm really feeling like he just wants me to be his buddy and classmate co-worker. Why I came to this conclusion? At first, I thought he was one of those super social guys who talked and befriended everybody (I'm definitely not like that), but now it is clear he is the "selective" kind, and he picked me, I presume this "super social" phase he had was just to feel the class as a whole, and he kind of ended "adopting" me. I don't usually GO to people, I'm not exactly social, but if you come to me I will be kind and receptive. He did just that. he approached me and I showed reciprocity. I never had a friendship like this to be honest, never a single person, let alone a guy! I've always been into groups of 3-4 people, mostly girls. You'd imagine how weird it feels to me, to have a guy friend o.e, what is bad is that he may see me as a friend, but on my side I'm actually crushing, very heavily, on him. Ok, so if he is so selective with the people he relates to, how come he didn't notice I am gay?? Or less precisely, that I am into guys? I don't think I pass as straight THAT much, sometimes, although rarely, I unintentionally give a few hints that he surely could have picked on. I AM NOT assuming there is something wrong with a straight-gay guys friendship, its just that the model of friendship he seems to want doesn't fit that AT ALL, and I'm liking him <_< Now I don't know if I come out to him or which way I will come out to him, but I will and I have to let this friendship proceed. He seems to be, by far, one of the most competent students on my class, and I DO want to work with him, plus I like his personality and we have a lot in common (more than I would have liked). I don't want to cut relations with him, but it bothers a lot to be so close, every morning and beyond, with someone I'm crushing like this, even more when I don't know if I should be honest regarding my sexuality, or even how I should do that. Its the first time since I "came out" that I'm hesitating and perhaps even considering hiding my sexuality. What a nice way to start college, really...
In your last post, you said: I don't know if that was a typo or not, but if you said that people usually can't tell if you're gay, then I don't know why you expect this guy to be able to! But if "closet" is "not present in [your] vocabulary", I'm not too sure why you haven't told him. Have you ever thought that maybe he just knows and it doesn't bother him in the slightest? And that maybe he just hasn't even considered the possibility that you might fancy him? I had kind of a similar experience before ... I got really close to this guy, who was totally OK with me being gay and all, but he was straight. I think at some point I must have said something, and it totally hit him that the kind of friendship we had was not conducive to one of the parties being gay. He was like "oh, shit" and we scaled back the friendship a lot. It worked out OK in the end, though. Either way, I think you just need to get it out of the way and talk about being gay. There's no point letting it go any longer. I know it's only been ten days since you met him, but you don't want your heart to get deeply entangled in this. And then this question comes: if you know he's straight, and there are a lot of outgoing gay guys at your university, then why don't you meet up with them? It will be much easier to be good friends with him if you are with someone else, and it doesn't sound like that will be too hard to do. I know he seems amazing, and he probably is a great guy, but just be careful that you're not blowing him out of proportion either. Ten days is a short time, no matter how much happens. Believe me: I've been convinced that someone is better than the sun, the moon, and the stars, only to realise that this wasn't the case once I knew them a bit better. (And of course, I always got annoyed when people pointed this out to me, because I was always sure they were the greatest!)
Yes its true, superficially most people can't tell, but I'd expect him to at least doubt it by this point, yet he treats me like a complete straight buddy, we even hugged once o.e, what was the last time I hugged a guy before that? Since I broke up with me ex almost 1 year ago? Oh God. About coming out to him, hes like a total exception, I never felt so hesitant about it before, its only him and him only! I know telling him is a matter of being honest, but I will need some time to build confidence with him and do it. Perhaps I'm afraid of being judged because I think I may be one thing to him, and then I am another all of sudden, if I came out. I know I can make other friends, specially with the gay guys, but I really, really "adopted" him back on this sense. I'm not dependent on him at all, but still, I want to work with him, he is very willing to befriend me further and like I said, the guy seems very competent and smart. He made the first steps towards what may be the start of a friendship, I don't want to let it down. I'm really thankful for your advice, I'll try to not blow him out of proportion regarding his qualities. I know its silly, but I have hopes he might be bi perhaps, but may not be taking in consideration I fancy him. His facebook has no info on his sexuality, my only option for figuring this out is either come out, or test the waters >_< but so far que has somewhat avoided this kind of subject. --- Wow, comparing this with my last post, it seems I'm even more into him, I hope doesn't end bad.
I had an experience similar to this occur to me in High School with a guy named Chad; only I was on the receiving end of the attention. Chad saw I was a loner that sat by myself all the time at lunch and came over to talk to me. I knew he was gay (it was common knowledge around the school), but I didn't think anything of it. I wasn't attracted to him in the slightest, so I thought he was just being friendly. He behaved like every other friend I had at the time. Sure we hung and had a lot of common interests, but not once did I take him being gay into consideration. If he said to me "Hey, I really like your coat", I just assumed he liked my coat. I was just enjoying being his friend; not digging around for subtle hints. My radar was only set to picking up signs and hints from other women. One day clear out of the blue he blindsided me with his pint up feelings and how he had a major crush on me for a month. When I told him I wasn't interested in guys romantically he seemed devastated. He quickly pulled away and cleanly broke off our friendship a few days later. I would watch him sit in class looking defeated and felt really bad for him. He seemed to have built up such a high expectation about what we could have been that it devastated him when it didn't occur. What really sucked is that I had no idea he was doing this with me. I wanted to say something afterwards, but I felt things would have been very awkward and hurt him worse considering the length of time he invested into me. So I left him alone to grieve. Had he just asked me if I wanted to go out up front I'd have said no, but I still would have stayed his friend. My advice would be just flat out tell him. If he thanks you and says he's not interested, you then have to weigh in your mind if you are capable of letting go of your feelings and keeping it on a friendship level. The longer you let this go on the worse things will be for you if he really is just a friendly straight guy. He sounds like a really level headed guy who could be a great friend; don't ruin it by building him into an idol of affection.
Ok.. I guess you guys are right, I should just let him know I like guys, or even ask him to go on a date if I have no direct reactions. Not many options there. I should just stop torturing myself psychologically. I will work hard on that from now on, I should be done with it by the end of next week, then I'll let you guys know about it on this same thread.
Score! I came out to him! By far, this was the BEST coming out ever!! During break time, we met one of his highschool friends again, and he started talking about that one effeminate guy on his class, he was using somewhat rude terms and I felt deeply bothered by the conversation. No rude or potentially insulting comments came out from Alex (my crush, lets call him that), still, I was afraid to conclude he was a pure douchebag. At the end of our last class, our teacher had to go a few minutes earlier, and I had the opportunity to speak with him in private shortly after. I had assumed a position of determination at that point, but I was expecting the worst reaction from him, I wanted to end this. I started mentioning the conversation we had with that guy. I said something along the lines that I thought it wasn't good for me to keep this hidden from him and that I knew nothing about his views on this, I wanted to know. He was super cool with it right way literally like: "Duuude! Theres nothing wrong with that haha! I'm super cool with that, no, seriously, handshake man you deserve it" No, he was not being sarcastic at all! It was surprisingly sincere, and he kind of had a face of surprise + admiration, it was an iconic facial expression the best reaction ever. Followed by an awkward silence, I was very surprised by that reaction I was still "recovering", he then joked: "You should definitely set me up with some girls, and I will set you up with some guys hahaha!" I guess he was just trying to break the silence...but we laughed We didn't have the time to discuss anything further, but I believe our friendship will progress a lot, and now I know he is not a douche! I feel so relieved, so relieved. My admiration for him only grows, I know he is probably straight at this point, but from the way he acts.. I don't know exactly, but I still have hopes that he might be open to explore his sexuality. I WON'T disrespect him, never, but I feel theres still a lot to uncover about him, he puzzles me a lot its fascinating. I will, at some point, confess the feelings I have for him, but not right now. Yes, that made my day. I got a Planet out my back!
Hey, congrats! I'm glad everything worked out! Hopefully you will have a really great long-term friendship with him. :3
Well he may not have noticed your gay. I have had friends who are gay and I never knew until they brought their boyfriend/girlfriend along. I'm not dim or dense, I guess I was just oblivious since I didn't care about their sexual preference. All I cared about was they were good friends and that was all that mattered. So sometimes people have to be informed since they just don't think about it. All we care about is if our friends are doing well, are happy, and free to hang out over the weekend.
