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I've decided I'll confess my feelings for him in the near future

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Gleeko0, Feb 26, 2013.

  1. Gleeko0

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    *huge post coming*

    My 2 latest threads before this one are related to this story, which has developed in a way I wasn't expecting. I'll provide a summary, which is also good for me to review everything that has happened.

    I met this guy, he is my closest friend in college right now, he is who I feel the most comfortable with, even more given he is a guy and I'm relatively awkward when it comes to relating this closely with guys. Thus, I won't say we don't have an awkward friendship, because it is awkward, for real, it don't know if this is tension, or if its just him, or me, or me projecting all this awkwardness. Despite this, we haven't backed off. He gives me attention, and I give him attention, we casually hang around the campus, we speak a lot, that kind of stuff. More recently, he invited me to have a drink with some classmates. The invitation came from him, which tells me he wants my company.

    Once, we had a truly discomforting conversation (for me) with one of his friends. His friend made really inconvenient remarks regarding a gay guy on his class. Although no comments like that came from Alex himself (lets call him that), I said to myself I'd end this that day. So I told him I wasn't straight, bringing up that conversation we had with his friend earlier, and that it was kind of disturbing to speak to him every morning, and befriend him, while having no idea about his views on this subject.

    He was really amazing with me, truly friendly, and he seemed surprised and showed some admiration to my action. I didn't expect that, for real. I was expecting the worst since the beginning. He wasn't clear about his sexuality, but he joked about me setting him up with some girls, and him setting me up with some of his gay friends. To this point, I don't think he is gay, but for me its hard to believe he is fully straight.

    ----

    The thing with this guy is, I can not get him off my mind, I guess I fell for him :eusa_doh:. I've been trying some distractions, I even met an openly gay guy who is a veteran from my course and we have been flirting around for some time, he is really nice and handsome, but I still can not focus and I keep thinking about Alex, Alex, Alex everywhere. :bang:

    I have no idea if he noticed I'm into him. We always keep a very strong eye contact when we speak, and we stand relatively close. Perhaps I've been making him uncomfortable (?) and eye-contact has been less intense these days. Once, we got into this particular subject and he made an awkward comment about how one shouldn't fall in love with a classmate, perhaps he was indirectly addressing me, since I indirectly addressed him once or twice about liking "someone" (hinting) during the conversation. Regardless of what I did, that really hit me, and I'm starting to think he truly meant it:

    "Falling in love with a classmate is like a sentence to death" (not exact words, but close)

    So, I came to the conclusion that, in order to move on, I may want to tell him everything so I'll stop fantasying something may happen if I hear directly from him that he is not interested. I will give it some time now, to see if I'm truly liking him, or if its just another few weeks crush, but that probably won't take more than a month because I'm sure I never felt this way before, not this intense, although I'm being more rational about the whole thing than with previous "crushes".

    I was thinking about a letter. I'd write it, hand him in person at a proper time, and have him to read it at the same moment. Seems adequate, since I can barely speak when I get very nervous and I tend to not express myself precisely.

    What I want to say in my letter:

    I want to make it clear that I never felt this way before, and that if he doesn't think somebody can like him that way he is very wrong. I will detail why I'm feeling that way towards him, I will explain what I saw on him, his qualities (no exaggerations). I'm going to say I'm sorry for falling for him, and that I tried to forget this but even meeting other people didn't solve the problem. I haven't figured out how I will say it exactly, but I'll find a way to properly express that even thought I don't expect him to reciprocate these feelings, because he is apparently straight, I will be receptive, respectful and secretive, if he wants to explore anything beyond friendship. I'll leave it clear that I only wrote this to him because I think he doesn't care who he ends up liking (boy or girl), as long as mutual feelings exist (I truly think he is like that), if he decides to search these feelings on me he will find, plenty. Its going to be there that if I'm wrong about assuming who he likes, I didn't mean offenses in any ways. I will look forward listening to his response, and although it will be hard for me, our friendship will not change if he wants so, and I will eventually move on the best way I can.

    ---

    I'm putting my ideas here to hear out suggestions and warnings for any potential exaggerations, I'll give this some time so I can know him better, but I am fully considering this idea.

    Thank you and sorry for the huge post
     
  2. Gleeko0

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    I don't really mind that I got no replies so far, as I keep EC as a place for writing stuff troubling me somewhere where people can also comment if they want, kind like a diary expect I never had to habit to actually write a diary, plus... people could read stuff just too easily.

    If there is something off about writing a letter or something, please let me know, thats like the only reason for this bump :T and the reason of this thread.. I guess
     
  3. TwoMethod

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    I was just about to reply to this before I got called away to do something else; I'm glad you bumped it up.

    Personally, I do think there is something off about writing the letter. I think you need to get over him. And really, the only way to do that is time. Get with that gay guy you've been flirting with, or go ahead and get with someone else.

    Nothing good is going to come out of writing the letter. He will just probably freak out, and if he has any sense, he'll realise that the best thing to do is to not be friends with you — otherwise, it's just a tease.

    Put it this way: what do you hope to achieve by writing the letter? What are your expected outcomes?

    In all seriousness, what signs has he given that he is open to exploring his sexuality? You don't seem to have listed very many. To me, he seems like a friend who is just very cool and respectful of your sexuality. Sometimes that's hard to believe, but all evidence points in this direction.
     
  4. CrazyAntFarm

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    Completely agree with the above poster.

    If there's any way you can get over him without confessing your feelings, I suggest you do so and be thankful that you have a great friend who is accepting of your sexuality.
     
  5. Gleeko0

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    You guys have a point :/, I shouldn't make assumptions so soon, even if he does seem liberal about his sexuality. Its just that he is so foggy about it!

    He is never clear about it. He never talked about girls, even before my coming out, and still doesn't talk about them, he doesn't even check out anybody. On top of that, he is super attractive, on my view, but hasn't been with a girl for some time.

    Even when we are around other guys, he doesn't mention girls. Since I met him, I still have to hear "that chick is hot" or something, from him. For his personality, its also unusual for him to not mention appearances casually.

    I'm so confused like that because he may have a "no-labels" mind regarding sexuality, just like with his thoughts on religion and stereotypes, but is not widely open about it.

    I agree that a serious approach like that is premature indeed, I will give it more time.

    Today I had a wonderful day, we discussed a lot of topics during our classes, by far this was the most naturally "talkative" day between us, the awkwardness seems to be fading away gradually.