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Realized I am Bi leaning towards Gay, so now what...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by brentleadfoot, Feb 26, 2013.

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  1. brentleadfoot

    brentleadfoot
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    So here's the deal: I enjoy and pursue sex with women, but I have come to terms that my fantasies about men just have a quality about them that just makes it much easier for me to come.

    So here's my question to you guys...

    I have been in a serious relationship with a girl for quite a few years, she's beautiful, I love her, we are a perfect fit for each other, and she gets me off. But here are some more details, most of our relationship has been long distance and we would usually see each other for just two weekends each month. Maybe the span of two weeks is enough to recharge my lust?

    What I wonder now, especially since I feel as though I've kinda opened pandora's box on my sexuality, is if there is any point why I should still stay with her. Something tells me from what I read about guys who enjoy sex with women but know that men get them off easier usually don't end up with happy marriages. Will any future marriage plans with this girl end up in heartbreak and dissatisfaction?

    At the same time, I am extremely afraid of STDs and I think the high rate of HIV in the gay community might be enough to scare me straight, literally. As a frame of reference, I had a summer fling with a girl where we'd have sex everyday, then she told me she had cheated on me once. I was so panicked about having contracted HIV that I got tested immediately.

    From your thoughts and experiences, do you think that a man like me should just end this relationship because it's probably doomed?

    What I was thinking is that after breaking up with my girlfriend, I find a girl in my city and have a long term relationship with consistent daily sex. Then I can really see if straight sex is satisfying enough on a consistent basis. Another thing is that I have a strong sex drive and I want to screw some other girls. I guess part of me does want to end this relationship with my gf independent of my orientation, mostly because even though I love her we've been together for so long and we live so far away. Hell, if I end up being fully Gay, I figure that protected promiscuous sex with women is nothing in terms of risk compared to protected gay sex.

    Do Bi men leaning towards Gay almost always end up being fully Gay, or at least unhappy Gay in a heterosexual marriage?
     
    #1 brentleadfoot, Feb 26, 2013
  2. jargon

    jargon
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    I can relate to the comment about opening the pandora's box on sexuality, I did the same thing at the end of my longest lasting relationship with a woman (incidentally, the circumstances were very similar - we went to different schools and saw each other a couples weekends a month on average).

    At the time, I'd just realized I was attracted to guys and started losing interest in the relationship. I thought for a while it was because I was realizing I was more interested in guys or even gay and I ended it. After a couple dating experiences with guys that didnt go anywhere (for the record, I dated the first gay guys who came along...) I ended up dating a girl from my old high school and had a really satisfying relationship.

    So short answer: no, this doesnt mean you cant be happy with a girl, but it does sound like you aren't REALLY happy with this one.

    On the other hand, I'd mention that if your careful, gay sex can be very safe. If you can trust yourself to take precautions and you don't end up staying with your girlfirned I wouldn't exclude the possibility of all relationships with guys just because of that.
     
    #2 jargon, Feb 26, 2013
  3. PeteNJ

    PeteNJ
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    I've fallen in love with women. And had great intimate relationships. And decent sex.

    But in my heart, soul, that's not who I'm emotionally connected with. Or want sex with.

    If you're lonely and a girl wants you -- that may be more than enough to turn you on and for to want to have sex with her. Though if you like guys, at some point, no matter how strong the connection with a women, you will want to turn to guys.

    In terms of safe sex -- lets be frank, a lot of sex happens between men/women which is risky and not safe. It happens because we're stupid = someone says "I'm ok, don't use a condom," or we're too drunk, or just plain ridiculously in lust. Same thing can happen between 2 men. So, gentlemen, don't have stupid sex -- don't be too drunk, don't let someone take advantage of you, don't be overly romantic or take someone's word that they're negative.
     
    #3 PeteNJ, Feb 26, 2013
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