In love with my straight best friend :( please help

If he's completely straight, I don't think you have much of a chance there. Sorry bud.

Why don't you try getting out there and dating somebody that can return your affections?

 

well, i cant really add anything other than that ive been there, and that you should probably be careful around him if he's that homophobic. especially if you drink, chances are you'll pull a drunk move on him if you are not careful.

 

You know... I think that in some cases, the best course is to just be honest. Also, that in some cases, rejection doesn't have to be bad. It sometimes can be a good way to put your mind at ease and to move on (painful as it may be). Crushing on straight friends is a fact of gay life, but it doesn't have to be a disaster either.

So, my question would be: how do you think he'd react if you:
1) Came out to him as gay
2) Mentioned that you had a crush on him, and that you know it's impossible, but that you just need to tell him and be let down, in order to move on.

The first one is, of course, a necessary first step. The second is, I think, a good way to be honest, but also to keep it real, and assure him that you're very much not expecting him to change who he is either.
Do you know how he generally thinks of gay people, by the way? Did you ever hear him say something either supporting or disparaging homosexuality?

You know him better than we do, of course, but it is possible for friendships to survive such things. I once had a guy confess a crush on me, knowing full well I would turn him down, and I do think my gentle refusal cleared the air, and allowed him to move on. It was mildly awkward for a bit, but these days, it is more just a "fun fact", and not really anything that matters anymore.

Maybe even better: don't panic, and try to imagine writing him a letter (or better still: write that letter and post a draft here): what would you say to him, if you want to be let down gently and move on? Quite often, putting something to writing is a good way to calm the mind and figure out what you really want to say.

 

Ah, unrequited love, the most painful of feelings. The best thing is to be brutally accepting. Realize that if he really is straight (i.e, he seems comfortable with his sexuality, dating girls/crushing on them), there is not a 97% chance he will not be with you. It's a 100% chance. A straight person will not date another member of their gender. They just don't feel those kinds of feelings for them. It's sad, but also sort of relieving, since you can realize there's no point in feeling that way for him. The way I would look at getting over him would be that your feelings for him have been a positive experience, and that you'll always be good friends; special friends. But you have to burn your bridges so to speak, spend some time away from intimate contact (by that I mean, hanging out in person, and especially physical contact if you guys are often touchy-feely; hugging, etc). It is my experience that it takes about 1.5 months of distance to soften your feelings, that is, the loss feels less painful. After a while apart, you can probably resume your close friendship, it's all about giving yourself time to get over him. Of course, you'll always care about him deeply, but you've got to push him to the back of your mind, start focusing on other things again.

Ideally you should tell him about your feelings presuming that he'll react well. That way he'll understand your need for space. If he's not the type to be offended by gays, and you make it clear it's not like you were sitting around fantasizing about him (make it clear it's love not lust we're talking about), you'll actually become closer.

 

Aint love grand! It just sucks you fell for one not crushing on you. If he is 100% straight and you are gay there is no chance like 4ALLEternity said. His advise is sound to step back and lick your wounds. I don't think I would out myself if you are not ready, but that is my opinion. In my experence the only way a straight man will waver is if he views you as female. It has happened to me including my soulmate, but I am trans. Good Luck! June

 

I think you realize that you need to do something, because the current situation is pretty suffocating, and it's only gonna get a lot worse if you guys become roommates in college and you continue to crush on him so deeply.

Have you considered coming out to him? You don't need to admit your feelings for him at the same time--you can play that by ear. If you do come out, and he's supportive but emphasizes that he's not gay, than at least your 97% becomes 100% and you can maybe start to break away from the faint idea that something could happen. If he rejects you or becomes uncomfortable, well, at least you have some separation there as well.

I also really think you should reconsider having him as your roommate in college, unless the air is cleared and you are heading to crush free territory. Because if you are closeted and crushing and totally wrapped up in your roommate, it'll likely really inhibit the positive experiences (meeting different people, talking openly, dating) you can have in a college environment.

 

Hey I can't send you a private message because I'm not a full member, but I understand exactly what you're going through. I have the same problem, I posted on here last week( http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/85185-16-bisexual-friend-trouble-pls-give-advice.html ) I think it'd be nice to have someone to talk to that's going through the same thing and would understand.

 

I went through something very similar except for me he was in a different University. I knew my best straight guy friend since I was 12. And we were as close as guy friends can be. When I realized I might like him more than a friend, I avoided him. Of course he knew something was wrong and call me out on it. I told him eventually and he was really understanding. He told me if I ever wanted to go to a gay bar or club he would go with me so I wouldn't be alone. He also told me he would get porn for me if I wanted. He was really sweet as it turned out.

In your case you will actually get to be roommates which can be complicated or really great! I have no idea what he's like or anything. I don't think there's a need to tell him if you don't to, but don't be too obsessed either. I mean you're going to college and there will be tons of gay people that will get your attention. Don't bark at the wrong tree for too long because life's too short to put all your eggs in one basket~

 

I feel you. I feel almost exactly the same way with my best friend. My advice, is to stop thinking about him, (I know it's next to impossible, but you have to try) try to be more social with your other friends and not tell him you have feelings for him. It will help you get over him, sure, but you might lose a friend. I hope I helped, since I am quite new at giving advice (as I said before)

Good Luck!

 

Haha, that's amazing, what an epic friend . My friend/crush was really sweet too; it's so much easier to get over the disappointment when the target of your feelings is understanding, and values your feelings rather than dismissing them. My crush didn't feel the same way for me (though he is bi), but he was so kind and loving (in a platonic way, we're good friends) that I didn't feel foolish for having feelings for him. I felt like he appreciated and respected them rather than being grossed out or disturbed by them.

But still, man for a straight friend to go to trouble like that, wow, that's a one in a million kind of friend xD.