Questions, And Uh...Stuff. Please. Thank You.

l've seen a lot of talk here about the way dynamics in a relationship change with age.

"Age" being like, 40. People have remarked that it's less about attraction and more about who you can see yourself relying on, trusting and feeling one with.

l don't interpret this as meaning attraction does't matter at all but l'm wondering how much. How much does that change, how much less important is it to truly find your partner sexually/physically attractive?

l do see a lot of people coming out after 40 and 50, and even older so it must still matter to some.

l feel foolish and short sighted seeking out only women in the meantime, since my ignorant youth is slipping away pretty rapidly. l could be a different person in 10 years.

l already have/had a strong emotional connection with men. l could have seen myself being lifelong "friends" with the men l was with...best friends.

l still didn't like kissing them but if this becomes less important later on l don't want to throw tons of potential relationship aside.

lf the sex and attraction also becomes less important to them, l don't know what we'd really be losing out on.

So. Yeah.

Experiences?

 

So would you say you can now feel legitimate attraction to someone who doesn't turn you on? Immediately, or really ever in the very technical sense.

Or perhaps you can now become turned on by qualities you like in the person after getting to know them?

 

Yeah, l see what you're saying. Sort of demisexual.

l feel like l border so close on being bisexual in that l can like a man for his personality and feel something deep as far as that's concerned. But not demisexual or bisexual because it never turns into "real" attraction.

But l fear becoming more like a demisexual with age and finding out l didn't really need the physical attraction. l could go out and find a guy l really like right now, easily if that's going to happen.

And they are generally easier for me to bond with anyway, with women it's so physical l and that could lose some importance.

:goodevil:

 

when l did consider myself bisexual l knew l strongly preferred woman and that l was ''gay'' but rationalized that a bi person can like one sex based on other factors.

Which is true, it just turned out that it wasn't enough for me. So if that changes l could easily be like the bisexual person l saw myself as.

Would you say you ever had zero physical attraction to men? As a general rule, for extended periods of time? or forever lol.

 

Thanks pinkLovely. That's the thing, l see myself with men more easily aside from the physical aspect.

l don't think l have what most gay people with the same sex. Seeing threads about people having gay relationships but not wanting sex, for me that's all being 'gay' is so l think l must not be a homosexual.

l either don't view it the same way or am just not gay. lf l fell for a woman who didn't want to have sex l wouldn't understand.

l can't really imagine what there would be aside from the physical aspect. l wouldn't completely disregard the emotional aspect but l have that with men...much, much more easily.

Or it may not even be "emotional" like l think it is, but the communication is easier and for me that might actually be more important.

l would say l'm probably wrong about being gay and that l'm a bisexual with a physical preference for women. l thought for sure my past relationships would have worked out if so.

We had no other conflicts, it could be that they weren't the right men but l doubt it.

 

Yes, l know what you're saying. l came out to myself in like...1998. So, l've just gone back in the closet several times (never completely outed in real life).

l get discouraged though, and even more so lately. lt's not just here, l'm another forum that isn't even LGBT but there's small love and relationships section.

A lesbian girl was talking about being asexual and it reminded me of seeing the same thing l see here. She said she "knew she was a lesbian" but had never experienced sexual attraction.

So this leads me to believe l'm looking for the wrong thing.l just see this too often, there's no way other lesbians want what l want in a relationship.

Do l want to be with a man who's attraction l can't return fully, or fall in love with a woman who isn't fully attracted to me?

l'd be hurt in the latter situation, in the former situation at least l can still have the emotional connection with the man and look forward to a shift in the relationship where sex may not be so important later on.

Looking for only women, l lack the emotional attraction so many seem to be looking for and there's really no reason they'd be attracted to me if they aren't sexual types.