Friend asked if I could go out with him

Is it that you just don't see yourself dating him and want to remain just friends forever? Or is it really that you're just not ready for a relationship yet?

Whichever it is, you need to be clear to him on which one it is. Don't tell him it'll never happen if that's not true, but don't string him along if he has no chance.

 

If its like an experience of mine it'll be awkward for awhile but I'd put forward the "I don't want to date anyone." as your main foot forward. He may not like it, and most likely won't like it, but it has the better chance to keep the friendship.

 

Try to divert attention. Just tell him that you're not ready for a relationship in a time like this and make sure you divert as much attention about you liking him or not over to the situation you're in! I don't think it'll ruin your relationship with him if you try to be extremely subtle like that. I wish you best of luck!

 

Are you sure you are not conflicted?

School grades are important but millions balance school and romance successfully.

Are you using school work as an excuse not to pursue romance?

Also, learning how to manage a relationship is a important life skill. If you put it aside until you are 24 and out of university you will be immature in that area compared to your peers.

Are there other reasons you may be impeding yourself?

 

In any case, you can be completely honest with him. Maybe he's had the same questions and sorted them out before talking to you. He's in the same class as you are, you are both gay, you have similar responsibilities and problems. See how he thinks he would balance school and your relationship. He could have a good advice for you. And yeah, think about what your reasons against this really are. Don't let it be fear.

 

The main issue is that you just don't feel that way about him, though, right?

 

Sometimes for me, I put roadblocks in the way of doing things. Lots of those roadblocks are totally logical --
I dont have time
Im unsure what it mean
Im not sure its exactly right for me
etc

And, as I look at myself, lots of time those "reasons" are a way to avoid doing something -- something that if I look in my gut (and not think about it too much with my headA), its something I'd really like or really like to do.

Sounds like your reasons for not dating him are 2 things
the existing friendship
grades/school

Think about it -- will one date change that? (no)

Go on a date with him. While you're together if the vibe is all friends -- then go with that and tell him so. If the vibe is more and there's chemistry -- then you hit the jackpot.

Have fun man, really.

 

Do you have to tell him in person or through text? More importantly what's more comfortable for you?

School and grades are important to you and as you have experienced in the past with relationships it can hurt your grades if not careful.

Don't let the feeling of "I don't want to hurt you" turn into a relationship when you are not into it. You will then lose a friend and gain nothing except resentment from him.

 

Tell him that you don't want to be in relationship right now and tell him that it's not his fault and that you need to focus on yourself

 

^this.

If you don't feel that way about him and you want to be friends, then you should just say that instead of "I really need to focus on my schoolwork".

If you had feelings for him, you'd surely figure out how to do both and since you don't, make it about how you feel and not use school as an excuse.

 

Your best bet is to tell him clearly (but nicely) that you don't feel that way about him, and you're sorry. (I'm assuming this is true.)

Be understanding if he needs some space for a while, but don't change anything about how you act with him unless he asks you to.

Do not tell him it's just because you are too busy, because then he may wait for you. In which case it will go all to hell when you want to date someone else.

I think that you are not interested in him, and you just feel guilty about it. But it's just the way it is. Plus, you are disappointed to have to say no when it's the first time a guy has asked you out.

You already know the guy. If you know you don't have those kinds of feelings for him, I think going on a date would be a mistake. Just be honest with him.

 

Well, I'd suggest carefully considering whether you really don't want to date him. It's usually fairly true that dating will sabotage inter-gender heterosexual friendships if it goes wrong, mostly because friendships between heterosexual girls and guys tend to have pre-existing sexual tension (not universally true, but often the case). However, I find that between guys, assuming there's no drama, you'll probably be able to continue being friends if it doesn't work out (it may take a while for one or both of you to readjust, but with space things are usually fine).

If you really, really do not want a relationship with him specifically (for whatever reason), you have got to be honest. Be kind, but don't sugarcoat things. It's better for him to be dissapointed in the short term, rather than waiting indefinetly on some vague hope you'll change your mind for him. As painful as it will probably be for him, I would suggest making it fairly clear that you just don't see him that way. It's better for him to accept the fact you may start dating someone else before it actually happens, that way it won't blindside him. When I was in your friend's position, asking my friend out, I took that step myself. When he told me he wasn't interested in that kind of friendship, I just got it off my chest and told him that it's ok if he meets someone else and dates them, we'll still be friends. It made it easier for me and him. So far he hasn't dated people, but I suspect he's "seen" someone. It hurt, and made me feel a little lonely, but it didn't blindside me. When it comes to dealing with unrequited love, the best thing is always accepting it. He's got to accept that you two won't date, and that's that. Only then can he begin to move on.

If you would like to date him if you actually wanted to date someone (as in, he seems like dating material, but you just don't want to date anyone period), tell him that you do not want to date anyone right now. Also tell him not to wait for you, rather assure them that if you change your mind, you'll tell him.

Basically you just want to avoid putting him in a situation where he thinks that if he waits long enough, there's a chance you'll be in a relationship. If there really isn't a chance, don't make him wait. It would be especially bad if he waited for ages, and then you decided to date someone else D:. Make things final now. You can always change your mind later, but what's important is that you don't get his hopes up. Make it clear it has nothing to do with his personality or attractiveness, and therefore there's nothing he can do to change it.

He'll probably need some space. I would advise against you avoiding him, but perhaps suggest to him that you spend some time apart, but assure him it'll only be temporary (and you can still talk online/game together or whatever, just avoid physical, face to face communication). I'd suggest a month of some distance, but plan beforehand to hang out again.

Most of all though, be kind. It's quite a compliment to be asked out, so don't break his heart. Rather, give it back to him . Tell him that it means a lot to you that he cares about you, but that's just not going to happen. Tell him you still want to be good friends though.

 

You need to be firm with him and say "we can only be friends" which is what you told us. If you are not direct with him he is going to continue to suffer with his crush. That would not be fair to him. I would guess he is not your type from your tone. Is he on the fem side? If so he will get hurt easily. Now for the other thing I see here is you don't want to date anyone because you don't have the time? I suggest you make the time, because at your age is the best time for dating. As you get older making mistakes in the men you choose can really hold you back in more ways than one. Talk about lack of time, my husband leaves for work at 5:00 AM and gets home around 7:00 PM durring the work week. He works a hard labor intensive job at that and has done it for over 10 years now. That is 14 hour a days durring the week and he still finds the time for me. Maby once you find somebody, he will move on and then you guys can double date.... Just a thought! Good Luck, June