Ok guys here goes... i think im in love with my male best friend and i have no idea what to do. I guess i will start with some context. Im 16, in year 11 and have been friends with this guy since year 8. I started really liking him about a year later and sometimes i cant think of anything but him. I told all of my mates that i was bi at first and they didnt believe me at all but they were cool with it when they realised i was serious. I've told some people about me liking this guy and i got mixed responses- some said to tell him coz hes my mate and he will still be my mate, but others said it was a terrible idea that would destroy our friendship. We are pretty much best mates and id hate to not be his friend anymore. But lately its cooled down a bit. I still like him and feel incredible around him but im not sure if its love or just coz we are really close mates and im confused... Also, everyone says i cant possibly be gay because i dont act, talk or look gay what so ever. And this made me even more confused! I was sure at first that i was definately bi at least but now its going crazy in my head. i often fantasize about being with this guy because he makes me feel things that no one else makes me feel. Ive never really been into girls and this makes it even more confusing!! So there you go... my best mate makes me crazy but i cant do a thing about it!! its been the best part of 3 years now and i still feel pretty much the same, so any advice on what i can do???
Hi, Welcome to Empty Closets! It does sound to me like you are most likely gay (and not bisexual, honestly, you aren't interested in girls). Many gay people are not identifiable as gay in their appearance or mannerisms or anything. As for your best mate, he already knows you like guys, right? What I would do, is talk to him about your questioning, and ask him if he's ever questioned his own sexuality. (You have to talk about what you are going through first, so that it is a natural extension of the conversation.) If he says no, you have to accept that he is straight. Another thing you could do, is let him know that you're attracted to him without applying any pressure for him to feel the same way. The idea you would want him to get is that, if he were interested, you would be interested. You don't really need to tell him the magnitude of your crush, or that it has lasted three years. For the most part, it will only make things weird if you make them weird. At least, not beyond a little temporary awkwardness. If you can accept rejection graciously, and not be weird about it, then the friendship should be able to weather that.
I agree with Ianthe in that it might be a good approach to speak to him about being unsure. You seem close, so he should be able to talk to you in confidence about it. You don't specifically need to tell him your feelings about him. As for the 'am I gay' issue, I think you need to slow down a little. Let time tell; you don't need to decide that now. Your mannerisms and voice have nothing whatsoever to do with your sexuality.
Thanks for the advice guys, i think i will try and talk to him more about it. Ive actually never talked to anyone in too much detail about my sexuality coz there really wasnt anyone who would take me seriously, or understand, so i guess talking about it more will help me a bit. In response to the first post, yes, he does know i like guys but he is one of the people who thinks i cant possibly be gay because of the way i act/talk about stuff. He has frequently said how wierd he thinks it is too be gay so ive never really considered that he might be gay. I have suggested and asked, albeit in a jokey manner, but he always dismisses it quickly and i really dont think he is gay. I am prepared for the rejection because ive never kidded myself that my fantasy will come true, and that he will suddenly come out and declare his love for me. Thats ridiculous. I suppose some small part of me does really want that to happen but im not holding my breath. Im fine being his mate, but i have to be honest and say it hurts to think i feel this way for no reason and that nothing will ever happen. So yeah, i reckon i will have to start talking about this more with him and a few other close mates (thats if they don't get grossed out) but im scared that it will create a domino effect of awkwardness with the rest of my friends. If they realise i liked my best mate they might think i could like any of them, which is completely untrue coz ive only ever felt this way for this one guy. So there you go, i know i have to talk about this with my mates, but im not really prepared for the worst... :/
