For those who don't know what happened.. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/family-friends-relationships/86581-dad-wont-speak-me.html I told my dad and cousin that I'm a little confused about homosexuality and that I see how it's wrong, my cousin (who's bloody 19) started calling homosexuality an abomination and how It's a feeling 'from the devil' I tried to talk but he kept calling it against human nature. Once he started yelling without me saying anything, my brother came in the room asking what's wrong..my dad told him if he knew that I was gay..I couldn't believe he'd do something like this! I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I think my brother was really hurt that I didn't tell him, he acted as if it was nothing and went back in his room, but he was quiet when I confronted him later and told me that he can't believe I didn't tell him..Back to the 'conversation' my dad started telling me that I'm doing something unnatural and I should turn back, he said that he's disappointed and disgusted in me and that he thinks if I don't change I'm going to hell..that was a couple hours ago, he hasn't spoken to me since..my cousin left just now.. I don't know what to do! Not only my relationship with my dad is probably ruined, but my relationship with my brother as well! Why did I have to be gay?? This is what caused everything, if I just were fucking straight this never would've happened, my father would still love me, my brother wouldn't be mad and I'd fit in! I'm starting to feel really awful about myself, why did I have to be like this? Is it really THAT unnatural that my dad would stop talking to me? Anyone who says he's doing something wrong is obviously not realising that he's supposed to be my father. Is being gay really bad enough to make him like this?! I always tried to please him, I got good grades, I was always civil with people, but he's going to completely ignore me just because I'm gay! And what about my rrother? I don't want him to get mad at me too, now that he feels a betrayed that i didn't tell him i cant just talk to him about what happened, i really dont want to be gay anymore, i wish i could change it, i really want my dad and my brother to forget it ever happened, wht do i do?! i dont want to live the rest of my life disgusting my own father, and i certainly dont want my brother to feel hurt about it! i dont want to tell anyone anymore, i've really had it, i should just crawl into bed and stop talking all in all, i don't want to talk to anyone, do anything, or even go to school, i feel like this is all my fault, if i had just kept my mouth shut or better yet, if i wasn't gay this never would've happened!
awww hun.. i dont know what to say.. u r a brave person (*hug*) i hope your family comes around and they accept you.
Hi, and welcome to EC. First, I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Whenever anyone goes through a loss (in this case, loss of your brother and father's perception that you're straight), there are 5 stages: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. It's clear that what your brother and father are experiencing is the anger stage. Remember that it took you a while to accept who you are, and it's clear that you still are still struggling with accepting and loving yourself as a gay guy (hence the "why did this have to happen.) So you've been aware and thinking about it for a while... your dad and brother are just hearing of it for the first time, so they're experiencing the stages of loss full force. Once things calm down they'll come around and be a lot more accepting. Right now they don't understand that it isn't a choice, and are blaming you in their anger. But that will change. You just need to hold on and wait it out, and give them time to accept and understand you.
You've got two different reactions between your brother and your dad. The one I'd try to deal with right now is with your brother. Your relationship with him is not ruined, and go talk to him some more. Explain that it's tough to deal with, you're 15, and it was very obvious that lots of your family would react bad so that's why you kept it hidden. You're sorry that he's feeling hurt, but that you only just came out to your first person and it's all gotten out of control. You could use some support right now. If you can't get it from your brother here then try the the friend/crush you told, or even your other brother. But overall, realize this is their problem, not yours. And remember, this is day 1. Time does heal.
First, if I understand the situation right with your brother he's not upset you're gay, he's upset you didn't tell him. If this is true this is a completely different reaction than that of your father. To fix that all you really have to do is explain what happened, because based on the time frame of things you didn't have time to tell him anything. Second, none of this is your fault, and it has nothing to do with you being gay. This is your families fault, and it has to do with their prejudice and ignorance. Blaming yourself is silly, it's like blaming yourself if your father was in the other room and tripped over the coffee table because he wasn't paying attention where he was walking. You might feel bad and upset that he fell down and hurt himself, but it isn't your fault that he fell. In this case, he tripped over his own prejudice and ignorance. Do you have anywhere else to stay? Do you have anyone you can trust and rely on for emotional support? (*hug*)
