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When people are nice to me I don't seem to take it well

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by sunnii, Mar 4, 2013.

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  1. sunnii

    sunnii
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    I'd like to think I'm nice to my friends (and more or less everyone for that matter) but when people actually are nice to me, I don't take it well. I feel shit that they're being nice to me and I kind of feel like I don't deserve it. I feel like its one sided like they do so much for me but I don't feel like I do enough. When I act nice I feel like I'm either sucking up or being clingy and overbearing like "too nice".

    However on the other end of the spectrum, I (although I hide it) I can be overly sensitive with things like if I don't get a text back (which goes back to my "am i pestering them?"-and no i dont send like 50 texts to a person lol) or just little niggly things like that. I know it's stupid so I just tell myself I'm paranoid and that stops me from acting out. I seem to be like craving for affection but when I get it I seem to reject it
     
    #1 sunnii, Mar 4, 2013
  2. Klutz

    Klutz
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    I used to have trouble expecting complements. I got told that someone went out of their way to give me praise/affection and I shunned it. When you turn down praise you are telling someone that their opinion is wrong and over time you may start to believe it. Just saying thank you and moving on may do wonders to your self esteem.

    As for people being nice to you, you deserve to have nice friends. They must see something in you that makes them keep being kind.
     
    #2 Klutz, Mar 4, 2013
  3. FloridaFilmGuy

    FloridaFilmGuy Guest

    You also may not be used to people being nice to you. I try my hardest to be nice to everyone I meet and I usually don't get that back. So when people are genuinely nice to me it's really weird and I get a little uncomfortable about it. It's just something that takes readjusting to.
     
    #3 FloridaFilmGuy, Mar 4, 2013
  4. Odahingum

    Odahingum
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    OP,

    You sound just like my roommate would--if he posted here. (But he's apparently straight and may not even know about EC.) You guys are even the same age.

    I grew up in an emotionally aggressive family, which left me with an insatiable need to have someone to shower with my affection. My roommate grew up in an emotionally indifferent family, which left him with a solid shield of apathy to mask his loneliness and insecurity. Put us together and you can picture the scenario:

    "Hi, P. Good luck with your college application today. I know you've been under a lot of pressure about this, but I'm sure there's nothing to be afraid of."
    "For the umpteenth time, today is not the final step. I'm just registering my personal information on the website, and then I'll wait for the admission exam, that's all."

    That was just this morning. It's like he doesn't want to admit he needs the support. He has experienced so many losses in his life that he chooses to preemptively avoid any chance of vulnerability. He's a great friend and I do care about him, but sometimes he makes me want to kick his face.
     
    #4 Odahingum, Mar 4, 2013
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