hey everyone! I have come to realize I may be gay, due to gay thoughts and a little bit of physical arousal around guys. Not mental though I don't get horny, but physically I am slightly aroused, but that may change over time. I refuse to live in denial so I am going to try my hardest to accept the feelings and make them feel good. Id like to be able to say I'm a proud gay, or bi, man. At my age in college being tied down by a wife and kids doesn't sound so fun, so i wouldn't want to live a lie just to have a "normal" life. I definitely have a stronger pull towards women atm, I always have, and am physically and mentally aroused by them. I always notice girls first, I cant help it, but if I see and extremely muscular shirtless guy I will also notice them. Right now I want to date a girl, but my fear is that I will not be able to make her happy. My fear is is that I will realize I do not want a relationship with a girl and break her heart, or will not be good at sex, or will realize I wont enjoy it. But then I think if that happens I will decide to try men out, and the same will happen. following what my heart says doesn't work so well due to the fact I have severe anxiety issues. I dont really know what is real desire and what isn't. So if you are gay/bi how do you go about relationships with men/women if your not sure which one you really desire? Ive read trying one then the other makes it worse, so how do I approach this situation? Thanks in advance :icon_bigg
When you find the right person it will all feel very natural. (How cliche does THAT sound!?!) I would say it's good that you're keeping an open mind. I think that it's natural to worry about if you will please your partner sexually/romantically. It is one of those bridges you will cross when you come to it. If you're with the right person they will be patient with you and help you establish what feels good and right and what does not. All the best!~<3
Socializing and some dating may answer your questions. You don't have to get serious about someone now. For example, you could go to some gay or bi social event and see how you feel. Hopefully, the person you eventually love will be a friend first, so don't skip ahead too far. For me, most (but not all) of the decision between men and women is similar to being a lesbian and picking only one woman. Or a straight man and picking only one woman. Or whatever. There's always someone else you don't get and the risk of not being happy with the one you picked. I've been wrong five times - two women and three men. The first three people were probably due to being in a sexual minority and not thinking we had many options for meeting other people - we didn't give much thought to all the ways we needed to be compatible (beyond sexual orientation).