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My dad threatening to send me away??

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Dylan, Mar 6, 2013.

  1. Dylan

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    Today my dad got very mad at me because I refused to go to church. Then that turned into him taking the computer so that I wouldn't be able to do homework, --(he gave it back a while later, but then he said "Fine, do your homework, but you might not even be here next Friday!")-- then I slammed a door until it broke, and him telling me that he would send me away to "somewhere where they can teach you how to behave/obey" and I'm scared because he was completely serious and said that he couldn't handle me any more and I don't know what to do. Please someone give me some sort of advice. :help:
     
  2. 4ever Hearth

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    So it's safe to assume this isn't the first time? and Why do you buttheads with your dad?
     
  3. Dylan

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    No, this is the first time he's said anything like this very seriously. And we but heads for a lot of reasons, but this time is started because I wouldn't go to church.
     
  4. 4ever Hearth

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    Ok. Well call me an idiot for asking this but, Why didn't you want to go to church?
     
  5. Dylan

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    I am an atheist.
     
  6. TKM

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    I can't really give you "advice" and I totally understand and it frustrates me to no end that your father would say this because you wouldn't go to church! He can't make you want to go, but if the penalty for not going is dangerous, Id say suck it up and go its an hour and though it sucks sometimes you have to do stuff you don't want to do.(*hug*)

    I'm an atheist to :slight_smile:!!
     
  7. Dylan

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    I know that it would probably be better to go but I can't! My head literally explodes when I enter the building. (Okay, not literally, but I just can't stand it.) I can't, though I have tried-- I went to church camp, helped with vacation Bible school during the summer and all of that. It didn't work out. I am very frustrated with this whole thing :/ I'm sick of having to pretend to believe in this.
     
  8. 4ever Hearth

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    She has a good point. And think about it, he's probably going to send you somewhere religion affiliated. So what would you rather do: deal with church for a couple of moments? or be stuck, overnight, in a possibly heavily religious place?

    As much as it sucks, you don't get to make some calls. Not yet anyways. And the last thing you want to do is really get into it with him at the age of 14. Dude, you're still super-dependent upon him. So as much as it sucks and even though you are a living, breathing organism no different than he, "his house, his rules." I really wish it was different but you'll be better off learning now, when and how, to pick your battles. I wish you the best. (*hug*)
     
  9. photoguy93

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    You are young - and you seem to have a history of butting heads.

    I think it's possible that you could say "Look, Dad, I don't enjoy it." But I think you are going to just have to go. I agree with others - if you go, just deal with it. Zone out. Don't pay attention. Are you ok with not going but may having to go to church camp?
     
  10. anko

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    A similar thing happened at my house when I told my mother I wouldn't go to church anymore. She was mainly angry because my oldest brother refuses to go to church too and she even screamed at him 'You're turning this family into a family of atheists!' I had a few laughs at that and eventually she cooled down.

    For your situation the first thing I would do is wait for everything to cool down and just see how your dad reacts to things. Maybe just tell him sincerely about how you feel on the matter and go from there. If he is truly serious I would have to agree with the others and say you should put up with it for now. After all it's really not that long until you're on your own (aka when you're 18) and no one can force you to go anywhere or send you away. I hope I helped a little bit!
     
  11. Lez

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    No advice....but.....(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*).
     
  12. Dylan

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    you guys, thank you so much for the advice. he just came in here though, and said he'd contacted some christian counseling center in our town and that i'll have to go there sometime in the next month or so. so i will sit through this and church and take your advice and shut up.
     
  13. therunawaybff

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    My advice? Domestic violence will never, ever help your case. It just makes you seem completely irrational and out of control and gives your dad ammunition against you. So I would try to control your temper better in the future.

    That being said, I completely relate to being immersed in a religious environment which is uncomfortable, so I feel for you. At your age I just don't see much you can do about it until you reach the age where you can choose your own faith.
     
  14. 4ever Hearth

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    Maybe not if you play up to the part. I feel like s**t telling you this but if you really "play up" the role like being up on time, ready and possibly even trying your hand at making sunday breakfast. He might not ship you off. Keep in mind, you're still going to have play up this role to some extent even if he decides not to go through with it. And in the process, I say you ask him about his experiences with church and his father. It won't exactly ease your pain, but it'll give you a better understanding of him(assuming he will be open with you). Also, try to remember that you're the man's son, so don't be so quick to "Pubescent" anger even when he is being a DIC-tator. Trust me, the last thing you want to do is feel TOTALLY alienated from your father.
     
  15. Chip

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    Take the opportunity and spin it into something useful for yourself. Go to church, sit in the pew, tune out the sermon entirely, and meditate on whatever strikes your fancy. Think about something you want to write. Mentally consider solutions to challenging problems. Simply take this hour-and-a-half as time for you to escape, mentally, and go somewhere in your mind that's enjoyable to you.

    Your dad is doing what he's doing because, in his heart, he believes he's doing the right and best thing for you to help you turn out well. So try to see it from his perspective. That's not the easiest thing to do when you're 14, but recognize that he's doing his best, and it sounds like he doesn't have much experience dealing with teens, so do your part to try and make it easier... that will smooth things out quite a bit. :slight_smile:
     
  16. animequeen567

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    I wish I had good advice, but currently I got nothing. I never had to deal with church. My family is Christian too. I hate churches. I wouldn't really consider myself an atheist though, but that's another story. I remember that my dad used to force me to go to things other than church though. When he did that I always just tuned things out and ignored everybody. Ugh...religion. I grew up in a house where my parents wouldn't force religion on us. We pretty much believe what we want (although recently my mom got really into religion and thinks I am too...NOPE. But we never went to church...) Sorry I went off rambling. My best advice is to just tune it out (that's all I got, I'm sorry. Off day...my advice button is off today or something)
     
  17. Sinopaa

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    (*hug*) I'm sorry you have to deal with this hun. I never could figure out the point of forcing a choice on someone "for their own good". Forcing anything is a sure-fired way of making someone utterly hate it. As for the whole camp thing; pretend you've "seen the light" to get it over with quickly. The more you struggle the harder they will try to "fix" you. It's their job to break you of your beliefs as much as possible. So just play along and it'll be over quickly.

    Once you have done your time in religious prison do what others have said and tune the sermons out. Fake singing if you have to. Just remember; once you are out on your own your Dad can't force you to do jack. If you really want to get at him coming out as an athiest outside of his control is the best way possible. Until then I suggest finding a safer way to vent your furstration. Breaking things will only make matters worse for both of you.
     
  18. FemCasanova

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    I agree with Chip.

    Tell your father that you will go to church, even though it is only for his sake. Then use the time you are there for something constructive mentally. Plan your week, rehearse stuff you need to know for school, think up creative ideas for writing, or simply find a day-dream that you can expand and build on, like a mental story which has no end nor boundaries.

    Remember, one day all of it will be in your own hands, and he`ll no longer be able to decide what you do, but that day isn`t quite here yet. My sister is your age, and we butt heads a lot. Being 14 is hard, because you are growing into an adult with independent opinions, but at the same time, you are not an adult yet. Unfortunately, for the time being your parents call the shots. And your father probably just want the best for you, and don`t see that whatever he does at this point it will not change how you feel about religion. But playing it his way for now will calm him down a bit, and at least make him feel like he tried. Even though when you go 18, and stop going to church, it will probably feel a bit like he failed, to him. In his eyes, he is trying to save your morals and/or your soul, so I can understand that he`s getting a little over the top on this, even though I don`t personally feel it is right to decide what a young person is supposed to believe in. It could simply be because I am an atheist myself. But to your father, this is a serious problem, just as much as it is a serious problem for you.

    *Hugs* Try using the time at church positively for you, even though you are in a setting you don`t want to be in, it won`t hurt you. You know what you believe and don`t believe, and time in church won`t take that away from you! Unless this is some sort of brainwashing cult church. But if it was, you probably wouldn`t have come to the conclusion that you are an atheist by yourself, and you seem strong enough to be able to stick to what you believe. Hang on in there!
     
  19. TKM

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    I totally agree! That's what I do all the time!