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I don't know what to do... :(

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Skylinz, Mar 7, 2013.

  1. Skylinz

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hey, Just looking for some advice and a place to rant I guess…

    I’m having trouble with myself to be happy(which it feels like I never am). First off, I’m pretty sure I’m gay from how long I’ve been looking at myself and the past on how I thought/acting around guys vs girls… and I always thought it was a phase because I never had any friend, always the last picked, etc… and I’ve always kept to myself hiding everything talking to the few friends that I have online. However a few times I have failed to keep this a secret when my mom went through my phone and one of my online chats.:eusa_doh:

    She always gives me a negative feedback and never any supportive comments which ive read that most people get. I’m told stuff how “I am an embarrassment to the family”, “If anyone else knew this they would kill themselves”, “People will beat me up”, “I will be a laughing stock” and how “This is not normal and why you be like everyone else because none of our relatives are like this”. After I’ve been yelled and lectured this type of talk from my mom for a long time I feel really guilty of myself, crying in my room, with countless hours trying to sleep but all I can think is “Why am I alive?”:bang:

    Like… I want to talk to my online friends but my mom says that the only reason I am like this is because of them and how I isolated myself with online activity all the time. Its just that I really really would love a supportive family but it feels if I want that I must give up the only support and friends I have, but I want to keep them and make my mom happy to…

    Like… everyday I struggle with myself on wanting to make my life better but I have no idea how. And as day by day goes all I feel is me getting sadder and sadder as my depression worsens. **I would get real friends but I guess after years of struggle I created myself to have a social anxiety**:tears:

    What do I do? :help:
     
  2. Lexington

    Full Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    Out to everyone
    Well, let me be your counter-example. I'm gay. I'm out. And nosing through my very large family tree, I don't see any other gays. So "none of my relatives are like this", either. But guess what? Nobody ever beat me up. Nobody killed themselves in my family due to my orientation. Nobody found me an embarrassment. Much of my family lives in rural areas, and they were a bit shocked to find there was "one of them" in their family tree. But as I've lived a productive and kick-ass life, I don't know any of them to have decided I was an embarrassment. I've actually heard from a few of them that they find me more of an inspiration if anything. :slight_smile:

    Family is as family does. And right now, your mother is not being supportive. If the only way you're going to make your mother happy is to "pretend to be straight", then your mother is going to have to get used to disappointment on that front. If you're gay, you're gay. Living as straight will simply make your unhappiness deeper. You need to get yourself to a better place, and part of that is going to involve becoming OK with your sexuality. And that means your mother can go suck a lemon when it comes to that. :slight_smile:

    How to make your life better? I'd say you'll need to make some short- and long-term goals, and start working on steps to get those goals met. Your post suggests you still live with your mother. One goal to definitely put on the list - moving out. That might be a long-term goal, but it's something you can start working towards. Other goals might include getting out a bit more, meeting some more people, and building up a support network. We can be part of that. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  3. theMaverick

    Full Member

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    Hate to bump an old thread but I feel he still needs help.

    My suggestion to you is again, get out. Transfer to a different school and live on campus. It's very doable.

    As far as what your mother said, that's just crap. No one else in my blood family is gay to my awareness, so I'm the only one, as well. You're in a toxic environment and you need to get out.