I came out to a friend who is really close to me, but to be honest I'm less attached to. I feel really bad about it, but I can't help that. Basically I said about wanting to change my name to a male one, and he didn't get it to start with so I spelled it out to him. He suddenly (like he :***: always does) turns the conversation over to how upset he is about it and how he's lost not only his best friend, but his sister. I know it'll be hard for everyone to adjust, but I just feel like he should have said something about my emotions and how I was feeling. I mean, it's me who it will effect most? I feel like he's being a bit selfish to be honest, but I feel really bad about feeling like that. He's gay himself and has loads of other trans friends, so I expected him to understand at least a bit. He also told me not to tell another friend because they wouldn't understand at all. I told said friend before I told him, and he reacted so much better. Should I keep saying "Oh, it's OK. We can work together to understand this," or say "Belt up, not everything is about you. It's my life and I wont waste my time feeling sorry for you while I'm supposed to be panicking about coming out to my family."
Considering you're looking for sympathy yourself, I don't think this is a very diplomatic approach to take. As someone who is not trans, I'm trying to imagine how it would feel if my brother suddenly came up to me and told me he wanted me to start calling him Ann or something. And I can imagine me reacting in a very similar way to your friend. Of course I would want to be supportive, but that's my brother. Give him a break. That is not easy news to hear, and I think it's pretty cool that he's as accepting as he is, you know? I would just give him time, and keep reassuring him. He needs at least a few days to process the information.
Yeah, I suppose. I just get aggravated by how every day he has some problem I have to deal with. I know he genuinely needs help, and I give it to him and show him that I care about his well-being, but when someone who is late teens tells you how heart broken they are over someone they met once and dumped themselves it can get a bit much :/ I really should calm down though
I understand what you mean. It's hard to deal with other people's petty dramas when you're dealing with such an overwhelming crisis of identity yourself. (Believe me, I can totally relate.) I'm just saying, from the perspective of the other side - and I know NOTHING about transgenderism, really - that hearing something like that is a major shock. And when your usual problems are on the level of "WAH WAH RELATIONSHIPS" a real problem can be sort of overwhelming.
That is a very good point. I hadn't even thought about that. Yeah, I can get being over-whelmed because of this. Thanks
I actually think your feelings are perfectly legitimate. There is nothing wrong about being shocked, or even having an initial bad reaction. These things can be overlooked and forgiven. What's happening here isn't a bad reaction, it's him trying to make the situation about him. It sounds like a reoccurring theme with him, based on your second post. I've known people like this before - everything is about them, and they're always in crisis and need everyone's attention and help. You don't "have" to deal with his problems. You're CHOOSING to deal with his problems. His issues and feelings aren't your fault or your responsibility. They are his responsibility, and you can't sort them out for him even if you wanted too - only he can do that. He's gay himself and has LGBT friends. He knows how difficult coming out is - it's not like we're talking about a clueless straight person here. He has to know that when someone comes out, that it's a moment where the person needs reassurance, compassion, and to be told that nothing has really changed - that they're glad you felt comfortable enough to trust them, etc. etc. I don't really think he deserves a pass here. I'm not saying he's a bad person, or even a bad friend... just that I wouldn't waste my time expecting sympathy and support from him, because you're most likely not going to get it. It doesn't really matter how hard you work, he'll find some reason to either make the situation all about him or to ignore you entirely and focus on the problems he's having.
I've had so many friends like this you think I'd have learned, but no. When my Grandad died, I told my 'best friend' at the time. She said, "oh, my Grandad died too." And started crying and I comforted her. She spent three weeks being really sad and attention seeking about it. He died before she was born. I collect people who do this to me :/
(*hug*) Unfortunately, there are people like this out there. They aren't inherently bad people, and can make decent friends so long as you keep them at a distance. You can just never ever rely on them for emotional support, or any type of support really... and be expected for them to "need" you for everything. At some point you have to start drawing the line and saying "No."
i would probably tell him to get over it... he seems like a drama queen and people like that its all about them... your the one that will be affected the most especially with family and he's worried about him? wtf? is he going to rush to your aid when your rentz kick you out? (an example ) think you need to harden up and dont let people walk all over you like some doormat... coz once they see that weakness... its K.O!!! if youve been there for him when he was down in the dumps then if he is a good friend he should return the favour... thats my opinion anyways.. people would say im a hater but hey, im just being realistic...
I think if he's still moaning about it next time we talk I'll talk to him about it. Cut to the point and just tell him to shut up. I do feel bad though, I hate feeling annoyed at people :/
aye the truth hurts... and its for their own good... come back and poste his response i'd like to see what he says to ....
As someone is often very selfish. He is being a selfish prick. Hes freakin gay, he should really be more sympathetic to you and realize its not all about him.
