okay so me and my ex scarlett's Skype call was a little awkward in the beginning because i made her cry hours before since i told her.....she was not entirely useless but a little (don't ask. im stupid) and so after that , i tried to change the subject when she wanted an explanation (obviously) and got mad (i think) and we didn't message each other for 2 hours so the Skype call was awkward because a little while before, she was saying how she was just not going to be as energetic and so when we first skyped , she was like "I was going through my old diary and just read some depressing stuff" and i wanted her to open up to what was wrong...but since i naturally pretend on camera, i couldn't get a serious face to my tone....i tried so hard to be myself and be serious but i couldn't do it. I was really nervous so i was smiling and laughing the whole time. but anyways...through the Skype call, i was talking about Rosalyn (old crush) and itza (the Hispanic on my bus) and she got quiet then we were talking about something and she said "i don't like picturing you with other women. period" because we were talking about how i made this comment about how her mom is attractive and how ...my hand fetish got out of hand because i kind of told her how her moms hand were nice and then after she said that, she also said "but my mother especially" we got in a fight kind of....because ...i went on in a rant and it brought back when she was crying hours before our Skype call and so i was trying to speak but she told me to shut up and we had a moment of silence then she started to cry ...a little. then she asked me something she said "what am i to you?" then she proceeded to say think about it. i said "a friend, a person?" and she seemed frustrated. do you know what that means? because i don't then this afternoon after i got home, we talked about what she asked (that question) and so then, i got frustrated and told her to tell me... and she wouldn't. it has to do with feelings, i think but this was our email conversation and i need to say this so you dont get the wrong idea, this was in the heat of the moment.....its not that, i dont care...its just i get tired of it. thats all background information: she knows, i still have feelings for her but lately, i just haven't been acting like it and she has told she likes me but has issues to workin to which , i do understand which is why im giving her space Me: which is what? look , i'll be honest and it may hurt but oh well. im being honest when you tell me about your cutting, i don't care when you tell me how your fat or ugly, i just don't care for it.... when you put yourself down, i just don't care.....at least anymore. i can't win with so im giving up. when you talk about alcohol or drugs, i lose interest. if you don't like something about yourself, then do something about it. im hypocritical when i say that but it has to be said this doesn't just apply to you Her: - Whatever... I doesn't matter anyway Me - and one more thing.... if your scared of something, stop holding back, just let it out. jesus whats so hard about that? your scared of someones reaction? im miles away from you, im not going to do anything so get that through your head "it doesn't matter anyways" well obviously it does to you since your just putting it out there. being obvious in all. stop being scared . damn. Her: - Sometimes things are just best left alone, I'd rather just be ignorant than heartbroken. It's, you wouldn't get it, and really it would hurt me more to let it out than keeping it in. *some emails later Her: - It's an expression. I guess I already know the answers, but it's like if they're confirmed then I know I'll break. I'd rather just pretend I can have a happy ending for once Me: - what are you talking about? just tell me what your trying to say Her:- I don't know.. God I don't mean to. I think it's just simply.. I'm not simple, I'm a mess. I don't mean to play games I just... I don't know... Me:- if its about how you feel....then i would say it but if not, i guess say it on your own time Her:- It all come out when I don't realise, and everything will be awkward again. Haha. Me: - i told you how i feel about you...and i dont feel awkward but maybe you do Her - I don't know, it just feels.. Weird. It's like I think I know it, and I kinda know I know it, just can't say it. Me - and...what feels weird....my feelings? Her - I... Now I... My heart is gonna kill me, god I'm pathetic. I can't even say it god damn it. I just... I hate this part. I can right it down, say to myself, but I can't admit it to you. I don't what to say now so I'm rambling. Fuck... Yeah, me too. Me -i dont even know what your trying to admit really....to be honest....i think i have an idea but im not sure Her - I know I don't make much sense. Sorry, I wanna say it, but I can't just yet. Sorry. Could we.. Move on? For now? Please? and that was it. do you know what she's trying to say?
Obviously there's some unexpressed sentiment that haunts her. It could be positive or negative. My girlfriend constantly plays games with me and she's the man in our relationship. I know that sometimes I try to express my feelings to her and she just won't get it, but I can't just come out and say it because it doesn't mean a whole lot if I have to say it because she won't get it. It's like lately I've been trying to express to her that I have trans* issues, and all I want is for her to just ask me what's wrong but she wont. (I know it seems like I'm complaining but I'm going somewhere with this) When I try to tell her my feelings or try to express things that bother me she's apathetic or just gets really angry. She tells me all the time she doesn't care and it makes me feel unloved because I'm trying to express to her all the bad things that I feel and I just want to be held and she never does it. She tells me I'm ugly and doesn't like my clothes and makes fun of my femininity and that upsets me because that's a large part of who I am and it hurts... It may be that she wants you to understand the feeling so that when she says it, she doesn't have to explain it. She may also, just want to feel consoled and like someone cares. When we reach out and express self-hatred we want to feel that we aren't so terrible, that maybe our weight isn't that bad and our pimples aren't that big. We need that consolation from our partners so that when we look in the mirror we kind of see what they see. I think she's real reaching out to you for understanding, caring, and emotional support. Mind you if it's very frequent (like every other day) it may just be a ploy for attention. I hope this helps, I'm sorry I can't be of more... I hope you two work things out... (*hug*)
thats what im saying, i feel like some of her actions are for attention. i also though sh was trying to tellme she loves me
Some people just need a lot of attention, and that's ok. I know I need a lot of attention that I don't get from my partner. :dry: (that was a complaint. Lol) But a lot of people have a hard time expressing the sentiment of love because they're uncertain of themselves and their feelings. If she was trying to tell you she loves you have you said it to her? Some people need to have that feeling expressed to them first before they can say it. Some people just can't freely express the emotion of love out fear of pain. It can be a hard process...
I know it can be a hard process. she said something like "im scared once i say it, i wont be able to let go"
