Hey guys I need your advice on something. I recently started dating a guy who came into my group of friends recently. He asked me out on a date considering we were both single and we got along quite well...until recently, where I feel that maybe I should end the relationship before it goes any further. There are a few problems I have with this relationship, most of which are with me: 1. I recently started my first year of university studying a BSc and I'm extremely busy with work (hell, I haven't been on EC for a very long while because of uni), so I will not be able to give him the attention he deserves. 2. I'm still in the closet while he is fully open. 3. I'm 19 and this guy is 38. While I'm not against dating older guys, I can see that my family will have a huge problem with this when I come out and I really don't think I can handle any more stress than I already have. However, I have a few problems with him as well: 1. After three dates, he's already acting as if we're in this long-term relationship. I asked him if we could take things a little slow and he agreed, but he's moving far too fast for my liking. When he realizes that I'm getting uncomfortable he apologizes, saying that it's because of my "irresistible looks" that he acts the way he does. But he still does it regardless. 2. He has a drug problem imo. When he was younger he used to go to rave parties and consume MDMA and LSD. He still uses them infrequently. While I'm not big on drugs as a whole, I don't mind people using MDMA because in small amounts and done infrequently it's pretty harmless. I think LDS is a bit weird, but whatever, it's not the worst drug one can consume. However, I was recently at a party of his and he told me he was off to his study to snort some cocaine. After that I was extremely uncomfortable around him. Although he says he only does it every few months or so, I don't know if I want to live with someone who does drugs the way he does. I don't mind people smoking pot or having the occasional ecstasy (MDMA) as long as they don't have too much, but I don't think I can ever be comfortable around coke, which I view as an extremely dangerous drug that should be avoided. All I can think about is having to rush him to hospital because he decided to have a line more of coke and overdosed. I don't think I can handle living in constant fear of him having too much. Do you think I should rather end this relationship? Or do you think I'm just overreacting? I'm normally a very pessimistic person, but do you think I'm overreacting or am I right to feel the way I do?
Everything you just said screams "get out". 19 years older, drug problems, mega clingy and not listening to your wishes about the relationship. That's not good stuff there. I say, end it now.
i think you should end the relationship if you feel unconfrotable and if you don't think that he is moving tofast and you tell him to tae it slow but he does it regardless do what you think is the good way
This whole thing is full of red flags. He's twice your age, does drugs, doesn't move slowly when you want to All of that screams he's going to use you and you're going to get hurt. The "irresistible looks" comment makes it sound like it he just wants to get in your pants. And I've dated someone who acted like we were in a LTR after like a week and it didn't last long, that's not a good way for things to start. Also with the age difference is a big issues when it's that big. You're both at very different places in life and hopefully in maturity levels. You don't have anywhere near the life experience that he does.
Run like the wind! He is too old for you, LSD is way worse than coke!!!! LSD is bad stuff, I mean really bad stuff. I have seen guys become crazy on it. He could have a bad trip and hurt you. They can get super strong when it happens. The clingy thing is probably because he feels insecure about the age thing. Good luck ditching him! June
Dude... this guy is all wrong for you lol... LSD and cocaine is a bad mix. If I were you I would break up with him, this guy is pretty bad for you. You're not overreacting you'd be doing the right thing to break up with him. Goodluck
:eek: I gotta agree. There are some GIGANTIC RED FLAGS here. I say don't just leave this relationship, RUN! He's Double your age, and doing some pretty nasty drugs. When we used to have drug court where I worked, I happened to be the clerk in the courtroom. Some of those kids were pretty messed up from the drugs, and they were pretty much the drugs you mentioned. Ecstasy and alcohol were probably the most common, though. And clingy when you want a relationship to go slower is not a good sign either. My ex girlfriend was like that. I'd say you're better off being single than that mess. (Can we get a smiley waiving some giant red flags for this kind of thread?)
Thanks guys. I appreciate the feedback. You're right, there are red flags here. I should have seen the signs before. The only problem is that we're both actively part of the bear community in my country, which is extremely small, so we'll run into each other often. It'll make it a little awkward, but I guess there's nothing I can do about it. Thank you for your advice.
Ptacub - don't worry about awkward. Sometimes that happens. On deployments, I may have to sleep in the same tent as my ex girlfriend, and work in close quarters with her. Though not quite as awkward now, it was extremely awkward when we were deployed less than a week after she broke up with me. You'll get through it.
Whoa there! That post is just so full of flaws. I mean, he's way older than you, way clingy and a druggy. I don't mind drugs really. MDMA, LSD, dagga. That's ok. But dude, Cocaine really messes people up. Also, where do you see this relationship going? Do you even really want to spend your life with him? If not, I say end it before you get too caught up in his trouble.
