I've just recently begun to admitted to myself who i really am, I've met a guy and we seem to be hitting it off. Only problem is he's out and i'm hiding way in the back of the closet. He has been very supportive and has been helping me with my own self acceptance. Now that i'm realize what i really want from life I'm losing my mind, as much as i want to come out, i can't ever imagine myself doing it. I just can't picture ever being open enough to tell anybody and its making me want to just cut it off with this guy and just live a miserable single life. I just want to be able to be comfortable in my own skin and i can't picture it ever happening, i know certain family members would still accept me, i just feel they would look at me differently and i don't think they would be okay with him coming over for thanksgiving or Christmas. I'm starting to think the only way i could be out is if i moved to another state and just started over, which really isn't an option at this point in my life. I'm losing my mind and have nobody to talk to about it, i have a fairly small family and wasn't really brought up in a loving home where we talked or shared our feelings, plenty of yelling and arguing though. I'm tired of living like that and holding everything in but i don't want to put to much of my problems on this guy and scare him off. Any advice or experience from someone who has been where I'm at would be appreciated.
This struck me in particular - the one thing I'll say about it is, try not to self-sabotage. I don't get the feeling that this is what you want at all, but more like you feel it's what you're being driven towards. If you don't want it, don't do it. And as far as "putting your problems" on this guy - if he's with you, he wants to be with you. Just be open about your feelings and where you're at and let him make that decision. As far as your family - can you describe the situation a little more? It sounds like you're a little ambivalent about them - you think they'd be accepting, but they wouldn't want him to visit for the holidays? And if you're thinking of moving to get away from your family in order to come out, why not just come out now? Even if they react badly (which it doesn't sound like you think they'll do), you still wouldn't be around them if you lived far away. Overall, what do you really want in this situation, if it was all up to you? And is there anything you can do to make sure that happens?
I'm not sure what you meant by being driven towards this, i've been running from these feelings for 15 years and trying to be " normal". I've begun to accept myself and figure out what i want out of life. I've just always been the type of person to worry about what others think about me or how they see me. Which is my main fear in coming out. A little more about my family, my stepdads son is gay, when he is in town my mom will smile in his face and act like she is accepting of his choice as soon as he's gone and she's mad at my stepdad the slurs and insults start flying. He also sent a picture xmas card this past year(him and bf) she made it very clear she didn't want it hung on the fridge with the rest of the cards because she "wasn't trying to see that shit everyday" i see no point in coming out to someone when i can't ever truly believe they really accept me. The moving away thing wouldn't be to avoid my family but there being less of a chance of being outed. I have a career here and 17 years left on my mortgage so moving away isn't really an option. I'm just stuck between doing what i want and being happy and disappointing my mother, which makes me a bad son. Or continuing to live this lie and driving myself crazy, i was really just looking to see if anybody else had gone through this or has had the same feelings, what i want is everyone, everywhere to accept people no matter what there lifestyle is. I know that's asking for a lot so I'd just be happy finding a way to be comfortable enough with myself to live a open life and be excepted for who i am, and not worry about what others think or would say behind my back
Everything you are feeling are the exact same feelings I have from the relationship to the moving away to start over. I feel as if I moved away I could start over from scratch and be away from prying judge mental eyes. I have came out to my brother and my dad and they were totally cool with it however I am the kind I guy who cares what other people think so I know how you feel. Don't worry, your not alone. Honestly I don't understand how some guys are so comfortable in thier skin and are just out and proud. It truley blows my mind and I wish I could be like that
