*-* and of all these things I'm sure of, I'm not quite certain of your love *-*

Well, it has been a while, hasn't it?

For everyone who's joined since my hiatus from EC, and for people who aren't cool and didn't know me (which is probably, y'know, everyone ._.), I'm Serephina. Sera, if you prefer. I have a lot of problems that I tend to rant about, but I made some good friends on here that were pretty good at fending off my moody moments. You know who you are guys c:

Anyhoo. Here's my dilema. Since I took off, the guy I've been in love with for, lets just say FOREVER, asked me out. Told me he was stupid for hurting me (we've dated on and off for five years, and while off he dated my best friend) and that he'd grown up and realized just how perfect we were for each other.

Now, see, that normally wouldn't be a problem. Except EXACTLY at that time, I was in the middle of a long and drawn out internal battle between my idea of what my life should be, and how I actually my life to turn out. But I mean, this was Eathon(name changed for confidentiality, haha). He'd been my best friend for seven years, and I'd been in love with him for almost that long. How could I say no to him?

So I said yes. We've been dating for a few months now, like five, and I get uncomfortable when he moves past making out. He's not forcing me, of course, he's way, way too nice for that. I'm just not saying no, and he's totally oblivious. So I get uncomfortable. And then when I'm with my best friends, all I can think about is the fact that I'd rather be kissing her than my boyfriend. I've told them about my potential lesbianism, and both my bffs are completely cool with it, because they know I'd never jump them. Which I wouldn't, becaue that would be really awkward.

You see my dilema. I've been distancing myself from him, because he keeps talking about moving together to the city after we graduate, and it's not that I don't want to be with him, it's just that I want to be with a girl more. And he's my best friend, and it would kill me to lose him. But I can't keep dating him when all I can think when we're kissing is that he's heavy and I'd much rather have curves under my hands and long hair to run my fingers through, than broad shoulders and cropped curls. It's not fair to him, and I know that, but BLAH.

Yep. So that's my life in a nutshell at the moment. I'm going to hang out with him in about ten minutes, and I don't know if I can not tell him. So quick replies would be nice xD but I will check back when I return and do an update.

Thanks guys, you make my life C: -waves-​

 

So, this is terrible. Allow me to fill you in.

I awkwardly avoided touching him while we hung out, and then when he lest I just kissed him lightly and squeezed his hand and told him I'd text him later. Now, I waited a few hours to be safe. I figured he would be asleep by now, considering it's almost midnight and he's usually quick to crash. So I sent him a gentle, "Hey, next time we hang out, we should talk. But you're probably asleep by now, so night, sweet dreams. Love you."

He's awake. Just my luck.

Now, let me tell you, I hate when people are sad. Hate it even more when it's my fault. So when he sent me multiple sad faces, a few slash faces (which are /: those if you didn't know) and said "are you breaking up with me?" I had to fend him off without actually lying to him. Among other things, I said "I don't want to break up with you" because I don't. I love him to death, but I can't live the rest of my life with him knowing I might never be really happy.

So yeah. I'm going to go try and make him smile now. I threatened to call him and serenade him. Here's hoping it works.​

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