Hi guys, Ok, so i met this girl a half year agoago at college and we became best friends. Since the very first time I saw her I knew it's gonna be something more than just friendship, she's so beautiful and smart and mature, and since our first meeting we looked each other deep in the eyes and I felt.. you know something, like the chemistry between us. We became best friends, started spending almost all time together, doing most crazy shit and having some adventures which made our relationship even stronger. I began to realise that i have strong feelings for her, i mean romantic feelings but the situation is very tough and some things that happened between us really confusing. So first of all she never told me what her sexual orientation was. Many many times she said she was interested in guys, but she never had a boyfriend nor had she seriously made out with one. On the contrary, during parties when she was drunk she always kissed and touched other girls, however she always says lesbians are disgusting, and she doesn't understand it, and that real sex is only with a guy. Very often i stay at hers for a night after a party and several times we had something going on, we always sleep in one bed and couple of months ago i couldn't resist it, i'm very attracted to her, so when we went to sleep i started touching her and stuff and she didn't say anything, she 'touched' me too and she seemed to enjoy it, but then we went to sleep without saying anhything and in the morning we didn't mention it, we actually never did. We used to go to sleep hugging or holding hands, but it was always like my suggestion. I bought her lots of flowers and she almost told me she loved me several times, i mean actually she did, but not using words 'i love you', she always seemed to be scared of it and it was as if she's even forbiden me to tell her i love her. So the situation was complicated, but i really loved her and appreciated every time she was there for me and kind of showed her feelings for me too. Btw all of our friends thought we were in a relationship, and thought we were hiding it from the world. Anyways one night like a month ago, she was very drunk and we came back home from party and we lied on the bed and i hugged her and was going to go to sleep, but then she started using my hands to touch herself and making me have sex with her, so i did, and she seemed to enjoy it very much, but then there was this feeling of guilt about it, as if i shouldn't have done that, and in the morning she was like depressed and angry with me and later in the day she told me she doesn't know if she'll ever forgive me, but again didn't mention the exact thing that happened. So she thought i raped her! I was angry, cause she started doing it! she made me touch her! i know she was drunk but well she wanted it even more than i did. And since that night the situation between us changed a lot! We became like normal regular friends and there is almost no romantic sparkle between us, only sometimes when we're alone, but somewhere deep i know i still love her a little bit, like i really do, but i made myself erase this feeling after all that happened and after discovering she's not ready to do that or she's not lesbian. What do you think? What do you think is her orientation? And do you think she had feelings for me too? And what the hell happened? Sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my first language, i'm from Germany Thanks for reading and please help ---------- Post added 13th Mar 2013 at 10:03 AM ---------- Oh something small I'd like to add. You'll probably say i should let it all go and try to stop loving her if she's not ready or not serious about it, and i hate all the confusion i was going through because of her, i'm only suffering, while i know i deserve someone who will love me back with all honesty. But i wouldn't feel anything for her if she didn't give me that hope, you know i'm not stupid, i wouldn't let myself suffer and be wrong about all of it if i knew there was no chance, i felt and still feel a bit that there is. And now it's gonna be super tough, cause we're still best friends, we'll go travelling after graduating this May and i know we're gonna stay in touch for a long time, even our lives, cause she's my best friend, but what about all that strange thing that happened to us? I don't want to speak directly about it with her, because she's so scarred and fragile, really, i wouldn't do this to her
