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How do you overcome overthinking in social situations?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by sunnii, Mar 13, 2013.

  1. sunnii

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    I'm actually a fairly bubbly person but I have a habit of overthinking that sets me back. Strangely I'm worse with my friends than with others. 1 to 1 I'm fine but as soon ad were in a group It changes. On night's out I'm ok because well be drinking but if were doing a group chat on the phone or just all together sober I get nervous then insecure then on a downer. Doesn't even need to be a group. At work if I'm working with my 2 besties, we might not chat all together until our break and then I panic. I do have an inferiority complex with my friends. I can be socially awkward in other situations but its not important. Being like that around my friends is a problem.
     
  2. TwoMethod

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    Unfortunately, the way I solved my own over-thinking problem was to simply over-think. Before, I often panicked and over-analysed social situations and ended up saying the wrong thing and feeling like an outsider.

    Now, I carefully watch how other people deal with similar social situations, I look at advice on the internet, and I kind of formulate a plan on how I'm going to handle certain situations.

    It's very easy to think that all these social geniuses are acting off-the-cuff without analysing a thing, but you'd be very surprised how much thought people put into what they say and how they go about saying things. They've just perfected looking natural and freeform. I know plenty of people who were complete and utter social idiots, until they quite literally forced themselves to work on it. And it did work.

    Sometimes it helps me to think of things to talk about in advance, and to play out certain conversations so if it goes dead or I feel weird, I always have something else to say.

    But besides that, why do you think you have this inferiority complex? Is it based on real or imaginary shortcomings? They're most likely imaginary.
     
  3. Dalmatian

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    I used to think this as well, that I'm great when I'm one-to-one with someone, but that I get lost when in a group. But, it all comes down to how you perceive your role in the group. Do you want to be the centre of attention? Would you like to lead the way? It's ok to not want those things :slight_smile: I enjoy sitting aside, being able to hear everyone, to drink my wine, take everything in and join the conversation only when I want, not because "I should say something, it's been a while". It's a simple thing of being an introvert.

    You don't need to force yourself to fit in by being as loud, as assertive or as talkative as others. Many times you will find that through your quieter appearance you can enjoy yourself more, make better connection to people and command respect from others as well. I'm always the quietest guy in my group, but when I choose to say something, everyone listens :wink:

    So, stand up for yourself. You have the power to make your place in the group. You can be quiet, yet not timid. You can be aside, yet not out. If you feel comfortable being quiet and aside, that's fine. I feel uncomfortable if I'm in the middle of the group, talking to everyone (unless I'm at work). Just do what makes you comfortable. But, while doing it, hold your head high.