Me and My ex......well were in a complicated position.... i still have feelings for her. i still love her but she just doesn't even know her feelings....she wants to make sure of her feelings....so she doesn't hurt me....then she said she's not ready for commitment and i HAVE known this for awhile and its hurts me.... we have been back and forth. were just friends....but it hurts to be friends......i can't express my feelings...i can't love her....like i want to....she gets jealous when i talk about other girls and she calls me "sweetie" she doesn't want me to leave and i don't want to leave either but....i just....it hurts.... and don't think for a second, i haven't tried to move on i have tried moving on.....when we stopped talking to each other for about 2 months, i tried to and when were talking.....i was trying to move but nobody gets me like she does i dont know....i am grateful she's in my life again and even if were friends, i'm still happy she's in it but it hurts me....you know? i dont know what to do..... we ARE going to talk about on skype tonight....she said we have to ....but....i naturally pretend on camera or face to face....its a defense mechanism what should i do when we skype?
I find this statement interesting. You're talking on skype because she said you have to? How about you - how do YOU feel about talking tonight? The key here is establishing boundaries. If she wants to avoid commitment and she's not sure of her feelings right now, then that's okay - both very legitimate reasons to not be in a relationship at the moment, and nothing that reflects negatively on you in any way. Sometimes "it's not you, it's me" is very much the case, and just because it's a cliche doesn't make it not true. But - and here's the problem - if she wants this space and this freedom, then it's selfish (sorry to say it, but) of her to expect you to still be there to emotionally support her as if the relationship was still intact. The reason breaking up and still remaining on good terms is so difficult is because you have to learn, all over again, to respect the other person's feelings and values, but with the knowledge that they're no longer what you would desire them to be. If you can do that for her, then great. If she can do that for you, then great. But if one of you can't, then having a conversation along the lines of "look, I know you want this from me, but I just can't offer it right now because of our situation" may be in order.
because i told her i kind of want to leave and she doesn't want me to leave so she thought we had to talk because she wants me to stay
Well, if she wants to talk about what happened and get a sense of closure about the situation, then that's okay. But if she wants to talk to convince you not to do something you want to do...that's less okay. Have you had the talk yet?
Well, how do you feel about having the conversation? The impression I'm getting is that you'd really rather not. If you think she's asleep, then don't wait around for her to pop on - she can contact you if she's around.
i know....its ....i would rather not because, im just going to get the same answer but she wants me to stay and thats why she wants to talk to compromise or something
Well, if you haven't talked yet, maybe that needs to be the topic here. "I know you want to compromise, but I don't feel like I can." (*hug*)
