Hello EC, This is a relationship advice thread. I REALLY need some input from you all out there as this relationship is getting too far out of hand. So please read with the intent to assist me. I am in a relationship with a guy I met on one those dating apps we can't name. I have been with him almost 8 months. When we first met I thought this guy would be the guy for me. He was smart, has a job, cute, and shared my love to work out. Oddly enough I met him on this app while I was at work. So when I first met him, I also had 2 other possible guys on my plate. But for the like of my bf I cut them out and started to focus on him. Once we had spent everyday talking and texting (mostly me doing the talking because hes not nearly as social) we even got to the comfortability that we could hug, kiss, and cuddle. After about 2.5 months I decided to tell him how I feel. That I actually love him and loved every moment around him. He replied, "you dont know yet, your probably just infatuated with me". My felt so embarrassed that I finally out the L word on the table and was basically shot down. Nevertheless I kept going and brought one of the other guys into my life again while dating the same guy. Nothing more happened with the guy I brought back in because whilst I was talking to him. The guy I loved told me he wasnt talking to anyone else. Which made me want to drop everyone again to be with him. He eventually came to the point where he could actually say he loved me back. I was happy. One day he introduced me to his best friend of 10+ years. I got along with the friend instantly because we joke so much. Something that my date didnt do much. I wasnt and still arent attracted to the best friend. But after some time I did develop some jealousy because I noticed he and my date could have a great convo while I had to almost beat every conversation out of him. Everytime me and my bf would go out together it was mostly quiet because he didnt know how to talk to me. But when his crazy party hard best friend was there, He ended up being socially ok. I even had thought that maybe he had a thing for the best friend. After some months went by me and my bf ended up spending all the time we had together getting to know each other. I want to be with him and he wants to be with me but we kept running into problems. First it would be his drinking. ..he would drink a few drinks and be blackout drunk. Not remembering the stupid things he did the previous night. After we solved that it was his temper and not being able to talk to me as an adult should. Then finally its the communication as a whole. He will say the most hurtful things to me (in my opinion) that I would try to bottle up or keep quiet about. Even put on a smile. But after a while I break and start talking back. Unfortunately, he doesn't do that for me. Whatever I say or do that wasnt intentional to hurt him that actually did bother him, he flames up and starts an argument. No retaining or thinking at all. Our problems as of recently never really got solved I just went over his house and he starts showing affection and im all sudden like all is forgiven. Now he and I have just had a change in living situations to the point where we cant see eachother nearly as much and we cant sleep over. We cant even show affection unless its in our cars which as you can imagine is very limited. So now the communication problems dont get the chance to be solved and result in a standoff kind of situation that ends in a half hearted sorry. Just so that we feel that we wont go outside the relationship. I know I have a mouth that when set off can say some bad things as well but I dont do it unless really provoked. I try to explain it to him but he doesnt get it. Meanwhile, the old problems of alcoholism and temper tantrums come back. What should I do? ***my sincerest apologies for how long this is. I wasnt sure what pieces to the story were necessary or not. Theres probably more to be said but im just not sure if it belongs. please help me
I think the only thing to do here is to talk to him about it. There is no other way. You need to tell him how hard you are finding his temper tantrums and his alcoholism, and that you don't know if you can keep it up. The fact that you're here shows that this is really affecting you, and you need to let him know that. I don't know what your living situations are, but if you can't sleep over with him, have nowhere to show affection, and all you experience are temper tantrums and his alcoholism, it kind of sounds like a disastrous relationship. You either need to talk to him or analyse what you're getting out of this relationship. It's hard to find the right person, but maybe he just isn't the right person for you. If you really love him, and you think he really loves you, you both need to work on it so that his temper tantrums and alcoholism are kept to a minimum. And the only way to do this is to talk about it with him. Tell him that you love him, but you can't keep it up and it can't last in its current form. Hopefully he'll be scared to lose you and will try his damnedest to change. Also, don't apologise for long posts. I've written my fair share of novels on the site, and I always get good responses from people who have carefully read what I've posted. It is definitely good to get all the details, though I do agree that other posters may find it off-putting. I don't, though.
Thank you @two method. I talked to him and I basically got no where. I got responses like, "its not just my fault" or "I was just feeling uncomfortable". I broke up with him in the paat because he was never considerate nor respectful of my feelings. Well that and his temper and his alcoholism issue. So while talking to him I ended up at the conclusion that we should break up. Partly because he suggested it before but when I gave him the out he never really wanted to quit the relationship (maybe he was testing me idk). Anyways, I broke it off and he then wanted to actually meet in person to discuss it. Refusing to let our relationship just end over the phone. I had to go work but I offered to meet him afterwards. Right before I get out I get a text message to meet him and the best friend at a club in a city 30 mins away. Right there I know my part in the relationship was done. Anytime someone putz going out to a club and drinking over fixing their relationship, it has to be over. With that said, I am back to being a single man and working on myself. Thank you for your input.
I'm both happy and sad for you. Happy, because you've made the right decision here. And sad, because it sucks to end a relationship like that. But it definitely was the right decision. His antics after you broke it off show that. I'm glad I could be of some help.
