Hi there! I'm new to this forum but I have a bit of a situation with my best friend. I am straight, but I'm not so sure about him. To go ahead and put this out there I do not mind if he is, but he's been saying some things recently that have made me suspicious, and I want to be able to help him if he is, without offending him if he isn't. He has always gotten bullied about being gay throughout elementary, middle, and is still constantly questioned about it now in high school. He's always said it's because he has lots of female friends, (and he does have two sisters so I guess it makes sense that he would be more comfortable around them.) He gets very defensive when asked if he's gay because of all the bullying, and that's a wall even I can't get through. I did ask him before (my mistake) and he got very angry, and while he forgave me quickly he never told me whether he was or not. Later I was helping him sort through feelings after someone called him gay again, and he said that he wasn't, and that he'd even talked to his priest about it, but he didn't sound very confident. Tonight he and I were talking about youtube stars, and he mentioned that his favorite one was a gay one, and that he admired him because he was gay. I kind of felt like he may have been trying to come out the way he was aiming the conversation when my mom walked in, and after she left I couldn't get him to pick up where we left off. Ok, that got really long really fast, but I was looking for advice about how to handle this situation. I can tell that this really bothers him, and I don't know how to help him. He knows that I firmly support gay rights, that other people have also come out to me, and he's even used the excuse that he secretly dated me to keep people off his back about it (he doesn't like me I promise, we've had that conversation already.) How can I help him, do you think he may be, and how should I approach people that ask me about it? Thank you so much, and I'm sorry this is so long.
I know that for me, it was hard just saying it out loud. Saying the words "I'm gay" was just hard. When I first came out I opted for the words "I don't like boys". Then "I like girls". It was even hard saying this to a guy that had a gay brother who he was extremely supportive of. I also very much wanted to be in control of the situation. But then again, it's different for everybody. Maybe you could try watching the YouTuber he was talking about and bring it up in a conversation. Give him another opportunity to talk about it when you're alone with him. You sound like a really great friend. I think that just listening and being there for him is the best thing you can do. I think you have that covered.
Many people would kill to have a friend like you! Just by reading your post I can feel how much you care about your friend and it is amazing. Just be there for him. If he is gay then surely he is not ready to come out yet. You maybe helping him more than you already know. Don't rush him, I know that you hate seeing the way he act and feel right now but you just have to hold on and be there for him.
From what you have said, it sounds like you're doing all you can to help your friend. He knows that you will be supportive if he comes out to you and the rest should be up to him, especially as he has had quite strong reactions to your probing in the past. It sounds like a really tough situation for you as you clearly care about this guy but he can't accept the help you're wanting to give him yet. All you can do is be there and let him lead, he needs to feel like he can trust you and I'm not sure that would be best achieved by probing him any further.
