Haven't been here in a long time! It's been months since I've used this website, and officially two years since I came out to myself. I've now fully accepted the fact that sexuality is a great big gray area with no lines and no rules. Anyway...I've been dating my girlfriend for nearly a year. She's pretty much out at school- all of our friends know, even a couple teachers know. Her family does not know. To them, I'm her best friend. Prom's coming up. We've discussed it, and she told me a while ago that she would want to go with me as a couple. Our school is incredibly accepting; the GSA program is strong, and most students couldn't care less about two girls in a relationship. But my girlfriend has a bit of an anxiety issue- something I often have trouble understanding. And recently, she expressed that the thought of going to prom with me and making such a statement (even though everyone that matters already knows, and those that don't know, won't care) is scary to her. I feel pretty sad. I've always had trouble accepting the fact that she's not comfortable doing things in public like holding hands...and the idea of slow dancing with her at prom sounds so nice I love her, and I wanna support her, but it's really hard not to be upset, and I don't know what to say or do. Thanks for reading.
It may sound kind of silly and obvious but have you asked her why? Because sometimes when you really ask why a person feels a certain way they reevaluate it, and if she doesn’t have a concrete reason or anything to lose it may change how she feels, because it would seem to me that she doesn’t have anything to be afraid of in this situation.
As someone with social anxiety issues, I can relate. Part of being in a relationship is making sacrifices for the other (god that sounds cliche). I would encourage you to discuss it with her again and explain to her how important this event is to you. as you seem to lack understanding of her situation try to find out what it is specifically about going to prom with you that's aggravating (ie a gay relationship draws particular attention or the large crowds of people). If she seems really stressed about it, try to out together a small gathering with your friends at your house with only a few people where she may feel more comfortable.
How about having your own 'prom' just for the two of you? Slow dance with her in a place where she feels safe. There's not much difference except for the PDA. She may be unable to go to prom because she may feel constantly paranoid and that may put pressure on the both of you and cause complications. It may be too big of a step, unless you are able to help make her feel comfortable and that may take long if she is that insistent against going.
Thanks for the advice, guys. I've been continuing to talk to her about it and she's told me that she wants to go to prom with me...I know that there's a big chance she could only be doing this just because it'll make me happy. Which makes me feel guilty...I'm thinking I'll ask her to go, and she'll say yes, but I can make it clear that at any time she can back out of going as a couple, and I'll be totally supportive
Hi... I think I would just feel the same way as your girlfriend. The fear of someone being seen in public is really irrational, I am not out yet and when I see a gay guy flirting with me I just panic... Try talking to her, and maybe ask some friends to help you with that, for me all I want is to see that I won't have to give up of my friends for being who I am (unfortunatelly none of my friends know about my sexuallity), and mainly I would hate to be treated differently. Try showing also that what people will say about you both won't matter at all, it is really common to say that there is no problem with that but this really bugs me. Hope it helps!
