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My ''parents''.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Ardelia, Mar 18, 2013.

  1. Ardelia

    Ardelia Guest

    I will try to make this short. I came out to my parents 2 years ago one day before my 19th birthday, and it was horrible. They said the worst things, that I'm disgusting, abnormal, my mother even gave me silent treatment on my birthday. I tried to hug her, and she said there is no reason to celebrate today.

    She said that I should be ashamed of myself, and my father treatened to kill himself.
    It was the worst month of my life, and I didn't do anything wrong to deserve it. I just believed that their love is unconditional, well that's apparently not true.

    Now fast forward 2 years nothing has really changed, they still think that homosexuality is a decease, and that I should ''control'' it before or if I move to foreign country.
    They even gave me an example of lesbian woman who married a guy, and is having kids with him, but is having her ''fun'' on the side. My mom looked me right in the eyes and said: You see that would be perfect for you.


    They said that they don't wanna be marked in public by having a lesbian daughter. And even went as far to say that I should stay forever alone. At that point bitter tears were streaming down my cheeks, and I realized that my happiness means nothing to them. I was speechless, numb, and humiliated by my own blood.

    The only thing that keeps me alive is my goal move out of this hell hole.
    And I don't think I can love them anymore, because they crossed the line this time.
    They broke my heart in million small pieces, and the saddest thing is that they don't even notice.
     
  2. PeteNJ

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    Oh my dear, I am so sorry for your grief and sorrow.

    I do not know much at all about where you are from. Is there more tolerance in larger towns? Is that a place you might consider moving to?

    You know who you are, be proud, find happiness. In the LGBT/pride centers that I frequent we all talk about being each other's family. And its so true. I hope you find a community that will love and accept you. (&&&)
     
  3. Dalmatian

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    Oh, God..

    I'm from the Balkans as well. And although it's probably worse in Montenegro, I assure you it's not much better in my dear Dalmatia either. My parents also tried to "explain" to me that being gay will bring nothing but sorrow to everyone. They said that I should open my eyes and see that if I stay alone my whole life, then at least the society will accept me, people will want to talk to me. They said that I shouldn't tell anyone about myself, because people will distance themselves, they will keep their children away from me, I will not be welcomed at my friends', on any job, anywhere. They said a lot of horrible stuff. And I'm ten years older than you, so you would think they'd be different.

    But, I came to realize one thing.. I need them. No matter what they said, no matter how long it will take them to come (if they ever do) to any kind of acceptance, I still need them. Not in any materialistic way, of course; what I need is to know they are there and that I can talk to them, about weather if nothing else. The thing is: I love them. I hate what they said, I hate that they could say it, but I love them. That will not change, no matter how angry I might be.

    The sad part is that they think they are right. They see everything through their outdated 70s and 80s societal norms. They do believe that being gay can bring nothing good. You can't fight that with reason.. the only thing you can do is let time and evidence (of you having friends and eventually a partner) show them they are wrong.

    But don't burn bridges. You will always love them, don't make yourself change that. In my opinion, forgiving your parents is the best way to help yourself. They are just people, they are wrong; ok, hurtfully wrong, heart shattering wrong, but still.. forgivable, with time. What you need to do, for yourself, is start looking at your life as yours truly; not looking at it through your parents.

    Drž' se :wink:
     
  4. Ardelia

    Ardelia Guest

    I'm not burning bridges, don't be afraid. I still love them, but the hurt is so strong now.
    The thing that makes things worse is that I can't talk to my friends about it, because I know them too well, and I know they would tell someone. And that would reach my parents, and who knows what would happen then.

    They even sent me to psychologist, but she said to them that I'm normal and that there's nothing wrong with being gay. You should have seen my fathers face when she said that.
    They found another one who agreed with them, but I rejected possibility of visiting her.

    Hvala na podrsci.