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This crush/hero worship on my friend is getting worse and must be stopped

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by sunnii, Mar 19, 2013.

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  1. sunnii

    sunnii
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    So I've got a crush on one of my best (and straight) friends. I found him very attractive as soon as we met but we went on to become very close as we are now. He knows I'm gay and is very supportive of that. I haven't told him or any one about my feelings because I value our friendship and wouldn't want to make him uncomfortable. I've never had a relationship but at the same time the last time I had a close group of friends like I do now was 10 years ago and that ended very badly.

    The other thing is as well as becoming so besotted with him, I idolise him which ultimately makes me feel so inferior to him. Like I also put my other friends on a pedestal but his is the highest. Even stuff like he tells me all these stories of him at school and he sounds awesome and I'm like I did nothing at school. Also at work hes very good at what he does and im aware hes been there 3 years longer than i have but because i feel incompetant at my work that is also a sore spot.

    As I said I feel inferior to all my friends when were ill together I go in my shell unless we're drunk but then I feel like the younger brother seeking approval and attention.


    A year ago the crush did have some positives like I cut out junk food almost completely and exercised more. Not really to impress him but just to make me feel good but now because I feel crap most of the time I do comfort eat and drink more. And whenever I have a bad session at the gym or doing yoga I'm like "this is MY thing to be good at and I'm still not good enough" Last week I was doing a yoga session and it was awful because I wasn't concentrating and focussing more on him
     
    #1 sunnii, Mar 19, 2013
  2. Lexington

    Lexington
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    If someone straight is very cool with your sexuality, and you end up besotten with them, I usually suggest being honest...but not about the extent. So you might say "I've noticed I've started getting some feelings for you that I know aren't returned. So I'm thinking it might be a good idea to increase the distance between us for a bit so I can get my head back into a better spot. I'd rather you didn't tell anybody about this - I don't want anybody ragging me for 'mooning after you' or anything." If he's been uber-cool with your sexuality, he'll almost certainly be uber-cool with this.

    Lex
     
    #2 Lexington, Mar 19, 2013
  3. sunnii

    sunnii
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    It's quite a difficult time tbh. I've been beginning to spiral a few weeks earlier and then he broke up with his long term gf and he's been down as a result of that. As a friend I have supported him but for a selfish pov its taking my mind off problems.


    And just for the record, I've been supporting him as any friend would. Not any "make a move" kind of thing.
     
    #3 sunnii, Mar 19, 2013
  4. Zmajcek

    Zmajcek Guest

    I am not always sure that telling a very good and close friend about your crush on them works fine... Many people are open minded because they love you for who you are, but can potentially freak out by the revelation that you might have a crush on them. It doesn't necessarily mean it will end the friendship if they find out (probably it won't) but it will definitely cause some uneeded drama.

    In my opinion, you can try to keep your distance for a while without being very explicit as to what are the reasons, but always be there for him when he needs you and show that it's not like you disappeared or you don't care, but more like you are busy with school/work/life. In that way, you don't jeopardize the friendship and you keep the necessary distance to get distracted by other things, or even more time to look around and find someone, whom otherwise you wouldn't have found or even noticed because you'd be so attracted by your friends perfection in your eyes.
     
    #4 Zmajcek, Mar 19, 2013
  5. sunnii

    sunnii
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    Well I work with this person and two of our mutual friends are getting married a week on Sunday, were having a mini party this Saturday and we all work together but on the plus side my crush tore his crutiate ligament so he'll be off for a while
     
    #5 sunnii, Mar 20, 2013
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