Hey everyone, I have been struggling with this problem for years, and I need advice, I thought this would be a great place to post and get some feedback on my situation. I am an unemployed teacher at the moment, its quite hard finding a job in my area. I have been hired in the UK for a teaching position, which is what I really want to do. I think it would be great for me as I can live independently and start living my own life. My mom is aware that I am gay but my dad is not, and I see this as a good opportunity to start living outside of the house and on my own. The thing is my parents are a bit off and on about the idea. My parents supported me and my move up until things got real then told me not to go. My mom has an anxiety condition and she kind of guilts me into staying. I really want to go and know that moving away is the best thing for me in my position. However I don't want to be a bad son and I know my mom will worry about me. I know what I have to do but I do not know exactly how to go about doing it. Thoughts, help, feedback ... anything
Look, this is your time. The only thing I can say is that you are not being a bad son by moving away. Your parents are really wrong to me holding you back. You can phone your mom every night, and you can come visit every couple of weekends. How do you go about doing this? I don't think anyone can tell you that, other than you have to let them know that your decision is to move away because it is the best for you. Tell them that you have to move on with the next stage of your life, and you still want them to be very much part of it. It just means that you won't be living at home.
When I graduated, I think my parents wanted me to stay around - so I did. It works well. However, I think we are all getting to a point where we know the time is coming where I will move out. I recently was on spring break, and spent it between two giant Midwest cities. Then, I came back home - and, for one of the first times in my life, I didn't miss it. Te whole trip - I didn't miss home. I miss my family and my dog, but I didn't miss my town. My point is that things do change, and you can work through feeling like you shouldn't leave. Since you have a job offer, you need to take it, for you, if it is something you want. Where do you live now? How close would you be to home?
Thanks for all the responses. I am Canadian moving to UK is a big leap. The thing is my mom is actually British, so we have family in UK. I know it all make sense that I go, thats why I am so confused. I have been unemployed as a teacher for 3 years here and I have a job in UK. I can not believe how my parents do not see this as a great opportunity. I have older brothers who are moved out but stay close to home, which makes me moving to UK so unheard of to my parents. I really want this, and I passed on this opportunity last year, but I cant go another year not working and being unhappy. What I think is best for me (please give me feedback) is not worrying about whether they disapprove or not. Doing it regardless of what they think. But then I get nervous cuz what if they are right.
I went to college an 8hr plane ride (and a 4hr drive) away from home. Later I moved to the other side of the country and am now more like a 12 hour plane ride (and a 4 hour drive) away from home. I never had a problem keeping in touch with my family when I wanted to. And anything really bad that can happen to you isn't likely to wait around for your family to get across town (assuming you were to stay home) because most really bad things simply happen too fast. So distance isn't really a factor there. Depending on where in Canada you are, you will be a bit of a hike to get home. But it's not like you're moving to Australia or the like where you might go years without seeing them. And with Skype even Oz wouldn't be out of the question as far as seeing. I'd say go for it. It's a great opportunity - you get a job, you get a new start, and you get to do it on the doorstep of all of Europe. Todd
Nah, I personally think that when life gives you chances - take them. We only truly succeed if we are not afraid of failure. So what if you fail? You (and me after telling me that you've been unemployed and living with your parents for the past three years) will always regret not taking the opportunity because they don't want you to move on. You MUST move on with your life, and take risks! This exact situation is what LIFE is all about, go for it and good luck!
It is not easy to over come guilt but please remember it is your parents who are the cause of your guilt. It is time that you started to think of your own needs rather than just pleasing your parents. That is what you did as a child, but you are now a grown up and need to leave home and establish your own life. We have a saying here "that children are only on loan to parents for a short time". The role of parents is to prepare their children for independent life and this means letting go of them at the right time. I believe from what you have said this is the right time for you and I hope you have the courage and strength to come over to the UK and ignore any guilt feelings you may have about leaving your parents. After all you will only be a flight on a plane away from them.
