I hugged him.... and now I miss him even more.. :(

It's a bit long and confusing so sorry. :/

It's been just a few months since we first met. There was something telling me that he is a perfect man. He surely is as an advisor for my team. He came from the Headquarters and he is so charming, sweet, talented. He is the one that you know you will fall for at the first glance. He is gay I believe. We never met to hang out; all were about business so I don't really know him personally. It is just damn hard to keep your mind awake enough not to cross the line dividing business and the temptation to kiss him.

It was just last week that we spent time to plan an event together (still business). It was kinda like the last time I will be seeing. It sucks! I'd thought for weeks of how to control myself in front of him; whether or not I should show my crush on him? It is damn hard. So at the awarding event, he - as the advisor - called my name and gave me a pretty cool crystal for my service. And he hugged me. It must have been..... GEEZ a while since I hugged another man so I didn't know how stupid I was. Hope I didn't do anything wrong in front of like a hundred pair of eyes.

After the closing dance, we took the elevator back to the rooms (with some other friends)I left the elevator first and rushed in my room to prepare my gifts for my team and him (I wanted to surprise them).
So I said "Bye guys!"
He said: "you just leave?"
I said: "I'm coming right up"
- No, b/c we are not seeing each other again (we all had to leave the morning after)
- I'm coming right up.
He was teasing with the other people in the elevator: Look guys! I love him and he just leaves and doesn't give a shit! Here, give me a hug! (and we hugged again, still didn't remember what it was like b/c it happened too fast)

I looked at him as the elevator closed.... I rushed into my room. Tried to finish writing the notecards I had prepared before. It took me like half an hour since there were 4 of them. I also have a picture of us (the whole team) together with the frames.

So I gave them to my team first and texted him if he was still up. He didn't respond, in bed I guessed. Those days had been really rough for us cos we only get less than 5 hours of sleep each night. In my mind, I wanted to knock on his door, show up with the presents and hug him again - with no one in our sight. And even kiss him maybe?? Who knows. But I didn't want to destroy the good memories he might have had with me. what if I ruined in everything just because of that uncontrolled moment?

I finally left the card and picture for his friend b/c I thought I couldn't see him in the morning. 2 am, I was finally in my bed. woke up at 5-ish and kept on thinking whether or not I should try to see him before he leaves. (I assumed he was gonna leave at 6:30)

I fought hard until I finally decided not to border him. I remember Gaga's lyrics: "I wanna kiss you/ but if I do I might miss you babe." In my thank you card I wrote him, I said: "thank you for coming to my life, you inspired me. I now believe that I can be successful and more confident of being who I am now."

7:00, he texted me. He didn't leave yet. So I asked if I can see him to say good bye, that I felt bad for not doing that last night. So we saw each other again. Another hug, this time, it felt more real since I knew it was coming and I'd waited for it. I wanted to hold him forever and ever. and.... his friend, (the one I asked to give my crush the card and picture) gave them back to me (do you think that he knows?) So I gave him finally. He said I was a man of "......." -> (Jesus, I forgot that word help me out) and we hugged again. Gosh, you could have imagined how happy I was. This time, I could feel his breath and his face barely touched mine. OMG, I was in heaven.

So he finally left, leaving me broken hearted. He texted me though, thanking for the card and picture, and that he appreciated them. Should I open to him? He is too perfect to give up on. He's a successful man, I'm still a college student. What would happen if I asked him out? Anyone experience this? Please help me out!

Thanks. Sorry for being wordy but my heart and my brain are all messed up when it comes to crush and stuff.

 

Yes we did hug a lot (four times). Before the event, I wished I could only hug him even once. I am really inexperienced with love so I don't really know how to start. We are 10 years apart, not sure if that matters but.... I don't know much about his personal life so if I start asking, it's gonna be really weird and creepy. Thanks everyone for your advice and support, I really appreciate it.

I'm in a closet and I was afraid of being gay with affect my goal. He was the one who came in to my life and changed that thinking. He inspired me. How should I start asking him out then?


Much appreciated!

---------- Post added 21st Mar 2013 at 05:03 PM ----------

I believe he is gay. The way he talk and stuff plus he's addicted to Taylor Swift.

My concern is that how to start. I mean I don't want to be an immature kid and do stupid things. He is super nice by the way.