1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Feeling kind of down lately...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Mytchii, Mar 21, 2013.

  1. Mytchii

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2013
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Detroit-Michigan
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hey there! I'm new to EC. I've been looking for a place like this for a while and I'm glad I've finally found it!

    Not sure how to begin, but here goes. I'll be turning 23 in September, which has recently got me thinking about where my life is going. I grew up in NYC and when I was 17 my family moved out to MI. I didn't fully accept myself until I was 18 going on 19, when I came out to one of my best friends. I met a guy that summer (let's call him John). John was my first "real" kiss (I kissed a girl at 15 or so playing truth or dare; didn't count) and we dated for a few weeks. Things moved kind of quickly and we got intimate. I thought things were going well and then I was broken up with over a text message. Deciding to try to find out why, I called and we spoke. The response was utterly devastating (for my 18 year old self anyway, looking back it sucked but, eh, his loss). He told me I was too feminine for him. I don't consider myself femme by any means. I may not be into sports or cars but I'm still pretty masculine. Regardless, I was devastated.

    Fast forward to three years later. I meet (let's call him Caleb) a guy online. Turns out he goes to my college and doesn't live too far away. We talked over FB and Skype for a while. Had some phone/skype sex. We met up a few times but I wouldn't let anything physical happen for fear of the John situation repeating. Aside from trying not to rush anything I felt like we were hitting it off, the sexual and intellectual attraction was there. Perfect, right? I thought so too, so one day (when his parents were on a cruise) I went over to his house just to hang out (I was kind of hoping for more, but didn't want to initiate). One thing led to another and we got intimate. A few weeks later, I wasn't getting any texts, messages or calls from him. He kind of disappeared from my life...

    Fast forward to present day. I feel like John and Caleb have made me incapable of getting close to anyone. I feel like I tend to look for flaws in guys now just to have a reason NOT to get close to them and risk having my heart broken again. I'd love to change this because I feel like it is closing me off from the already limited dating pool available to me.

    I don't necessarily mind being single, I mean, I like my alone time. Though now my friends are beginning to find themselves in relationships now, leaving me to ponder about my own personal life. Not that I'm not happy for them, it just stirs up old memories and emotions.

    Thanks for reading. ^_^ I look forward to hearing any thoughts you guys may have. =D
     
  2. notsurewhy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2012
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hey Mytchii,
    Thanks for sharing. Really interesting story. It is really devastating being broken through texting. I met a guy once last year and dated him for a while through texting, Skype. However, I was aware that we wouldn't have a future together (b/c of the distance and some other situations) so I ended up breaking with him. We do text and are like best friends even though he does ask me sometimes to reconnect the relationship. I am really inexperienced with being in love and so afraid of being broken-hearted and/or losing friendship,... I don't mind being single either but sometimes it is just so hard to resist opening up to my crush. Just wait and you'll find your other half. I am trying to be patient as well. :slight_smile: