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Always dreamt of having perfect straight family/life

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Purplefrog, Mar 22, 2013.

  1. Purplefrog

    Purplefrog Guest

    Coming from a traditional Christian family, I've always wanted what my parents have- to be married in a straight marriage, to have kids and be a perfect traditional wife. Now I'm being more honest to myself about my same sex feelings, and the fact I've suppressed them for a long time, I feel like I'm grieving what I'd always dreamt of. I finding it really hard to accept I'm not "mainstream" and breaking the mould in order to be true to myself. Has anyone else struggled with this?
     
  2. Mytchii

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    I have definitely felt this at some point. I come from a traditional catholic Polish family and am the only male that could potentially carry the name of my family on. What I've come to realize is that it's not who we love that makes a family... It's the fact that we LOVE that does. The Bible teaches about love and acceptance, and that is the fundamental belief of Christianity. I believe that families come in all different forms and what we as "western" civilized people deem "mainstream" doesn't necessarily mean that it's the only way. There are families in rural China where the father of the child has little to no claim to the child whatsoever. The family is made up of Matriarchs and the males have no say. To us this seems odd/strange but it works.

    Nothing is preventing you from being a "perfect traditional wife", you can still be and have kids that you love unconditionally even if you would be a "wife to your wife". Just my 2ยข. =D
     
  3. Purplefrog

    Purplefrog Guest

    Thanks Mytchii, that was helpful. Theologically/in theory I think its fine, but I find cultural heterosexist "norms" hard to deal with, especially within certain Christian circles which seem to have claimed a monopoly on "traditional family values". I'm very fortunate to go to a very affirming church which is fully welcoming to LGBT identity and relationships, but I suppose it's learning to take on board internally that same sex relationships/family are just as valid and important.
     
  4. Mytchii

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    Exactly, it's something you have to learn and teach yourself that it's just as valid. It's a process, but the only difference is that, in your case, the man is replaced by a woman. It's also very awesome that you have a church to go to where you are accepted. ^_^ Cheers!
     
  5. Musician

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    Hi Purplefrog,

    I empathize wish you so much right now. My relationship with my beautiful girlfriend is dwindling down because of this. We were destined to be married with kids, until this. Soulmates, perfect family. Now we're fucked.

    We will be friends for life (she's been so supportive, as she knows everything). I don't know what to offer. I'm grieving so hard here. Just a hug, I guess. You have my love.

    Musician
     
  6. Perrydaplatypus

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    I have defiantly struggled with this! And still do! I honestly am not sure what ill do about the feeling, but I like what Someone said earlier "be a wife to your wife!" :slight_smile:
     
  7. Mysz

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    It does sound cheesy, but look up stories of same-sex couples. Youtube is a good outlet for that. If you're struggling to accept that the values of a homosexual family couple and hetero family are exactly the same, then seeing smiling children talk about their normal lives with their two mommies or daddies helps. It helped me quite a bit some years ago :grin:
     
  8. WorldsCollided

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    Coming from a chinese background family, I have always been told as a little girl that one day I will find a man, the love of my life. I will spend the rest of my life with him and we will have kids together.

    I spent my 20s abroad and it was an eye openning for me. I realise I could still have a perfect family but it does not have to be in the form that my family have told me. I can start a family with the person I love and we can still have wonderful children together. It didnt take me long to embrace this idea, the reason might be that the people around me are very helpful and understanding and I am so greatful to have them in my life.
     
  9. LANWTT

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    I understand how you feel. I'm in the same spot myself. It's instilled in you from birth from so many different places that you are supposed to marry a man and have a family with him. I've hidden behind that dream for most of my life. It wasn't until the last couple of years that I realized that although my brain wants to want that, my heart doesn't feel that. I remember last year going to a party for my friends parents who were celebrating their 30 year wedding anniversary and her telling me "I can't wait to find a man to spend my life with. I can't wait to find a man I want to wake up beside every morning" and it just hit me like a ton of bricks falling from the sky I can't imagine being happy waking up next to a man every morning for the next 30 years and it sort of felt like a part of me died that day and my heart still morns the loss of that dream. It sounds and feels so stupid. But I can't help it. I know same sex couples can have all of that but I guess to me the idea that most of the people around me would never be able to accept a relationship like that for me, makes it hard to see the bright side. It's hard for me to accept that as much as I want to want that, as much as I want that to be right for me, it'll just never be what my heart longs for. But I do see the beauty if same sex relationships and their families. I know someone whose been with the same woman for 15 years and they have 3 little boys together. Their family is so cute and always makes me smile to see them together. I hope one day to have that!