First of all, I would like to make it clear that, although the threads title might show otherwise, I'm not straight. Still, I feel like I am on the same boat as a straight guy who broke up with his girlfriend, considering what happened between me and a friend of mine. Lets call my friend Abby. Three years ago, we met while doing theater together, and clickly hit it off. It took three months of talking and friendship until we started dating, and when it did, it was magical. At the time, I had not realized that I was gay, even though I regularly watched gay porn and had some fantasies regarding men. Sadly, we could only be together for a very short time, because shortly after I moved to the United States. We talked for a while, and soon lost contact due to the distance. Over the years, I became certain of my sexuality, and started talking to her again after a long hiatus, but only through Facebook. In the middle of 2012, I moved back to brazil, and went to the same school as before. Since she's one grade lower than me and our time schedules don't overlap at all, I had little time to talk to her in person. Until the day she found out about my gayness through the pages I liked on Facebook (lol). I thought she would get pissed, but instead, she accepted me. Our friendship became stronger and we started going out together last summer, talking about all kinds of subjects. Since she's my only major friend who's female, it meant we could talk about all sorts of subjects without being bothered by sexual tension. I told about her about my straight crushes, for example. We went to the movies together twice, and maybe her other friends suspected we were a couple, since they don't know I'm gay. Last week, however, it all changed. I was so willing to be around Abby that I forgot that she has her own life as well. I started being too clingy, texting her about trivial stuff all the time and making silly comments to get her attention when she wasn't alone. I even walked up to her while in the middle of a conversation with her friends (they are all female, btw), to invite her to a concert I wanted to go to. The last frontier occurred at a party when I not only called her phone when she was at school having class, but also begged her to leave the party with me when she had planned to do so with her peer group. So, in the middle of the party, one of her friends told me: "she doesn't want to talk to you anymore. She thinks you're annoying, so get out." And the sad thing is that I don't believe she was making it up. It was the truth. Now Abby ignores me when I pass by, and does not even look at me in the eyes. I have apologized for my excessive clinginess on Facebook, but she hasn't replied. So I decided to give her time. For the last week, I have not talked to her on purpose, to keep her privacy intact. However, I still want to be her friend again. Even though she disapproves me, I hold no grudges against her and understand her reactions. Since her friends were getting annoyed at my behavior, she decided to stay on their side because she knows they are her friends for much longer than I and she doesn't want to lose them. However, I'm too sad and confused right now to know what is the next step to take. Could anyone who's an expert on human relationships give me advice on how to win her friendship back?
Well, here's the thing. You can't "win" somebody's friendship - it isn't a prize, it's a mutual understanding and enjoyment of the other person's company. Since it's mutual, if Abby doesn't enjoy your friendship anymore, there's not a whole lot you can do. I think you've taken the right steps so far. You've apologized and left it at that, leaving the ball in her field. If she wants to pursue the friendship again, I think it's up to her to take that step now. I still feel she should have her space, but if you do decide to initiate contact, I'd suggest some of the following. Try and talk to her one-on-one, without her friends or your friends, even if that's over Facebook or something and not in person (though in person is probably better - you can read body language that way). Additionally, take it slow. If the real reason she did decide she didn't enjoy your friendship was that you were being clingy and coming on too strong, don't make the same mistake twice. Respect her boundaries by setting your own.
