There is a friend that I am not sure is gay or not, but I have a crush on him. We are both 17. He casually sends me kissy faces before bed and that kind of stuff, but it is always in a joking kind of matter. A couple nights ago, we went out to dinner and it felt like there was some kind of sexual tension. We went back to my house and slept in the same bed. When he went to sleep, I noticed his phone laying out in the open so I opened it up. In his pictures, he had a picture of a shirtless black guy with a hard on in sweatpants, along with a picture of a guy shirtless in my school and another shirtless male. One was directly saved into his camera roll and the others were ones that he had deleted, but stayed in another folder. At this point, I really felt resolved that he was gay. He also seems to act straight, but sometimes I catch a gay tone in his voice. Also, in the past, he has randomly just texted me "I'm gay" for no apparent reason. I blew it off and joked about the girl that he was currently hooking up with (he talks about girls and hooking up with them EXCESSIVELY). Do you think he was trying to test the waters with me? Let me just give a list of things that may mean that he is or isn't gay. I'm not totally sure that he is, yet. Some of these will sound very stereotypical, but bear with me please. -Found pictures on his phone -Sounds and acts straight, sometimes has a gay tone -Likes one direction and justin bieber -Sends me kissy faces and has sent snapchats of his ass before -Shaves his ass -Wanted to sleep in my guest house, just us two -Wanted to go bowling, just us two -Frequently acts violent and obnoxiously, something I've noticed is common to a lot of gay guys at my age -Constantly talks about girls and makes out with them at parties, but never is in a relationship -Has had his dick sucked by a girl before I'm just confused. The question is: How do I confront him? I am also in the closet, and I don't want to be outed by being wrong. Should I let him know that I know what was on his phone and go from there? Should I wait until we are drunk together and try to make a move or something? I am not going to just text him and say that I am gay. What do you guys think that I should do? You guys are the experienced ones. Please help!
Texting "I'm gay" isn't testing the waters. It's coming out!!! Rather then joking about his gf, ask him directly. "Is that a joke or for real, I'll support you and remain your friend no matter which." And go from there.
I can tell from my own experience that when I was younger (13), I said to a old friend in class "I'm gay" in a weird tone, to make him think that I was just joking, in fact, it was to test the waters and see if I could get support from him, alas, I chickened out and kept it as a random joke. What I'm trying to say it's that I personally believe your friend is trying to see what reaction he would get from you when he comes out, if not he's already coming out to you, I'd say he's having a hard time trying to tell you.
Honestly, this guy is probably gay. But he sounds like he's not even sure of it himself, so asking him wouldn't do much good. I don't think I'm being the most wise elder here (after all you're only a year younger than me), but if I was in your shoes I would without a shadow of a doubt do the drunk thing. Get drunk and definitely make a move. That's what I would do. Given all the other stuff he's done, I'm just surprised he hasn't at least made some sort of a move on you, even in a joking way. Like slapped your ass or something — you know, that kind of crap. Never?
Today, 01:35 AM #5 jakeclark Newbie Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Posts: 3 Join Date: Mar 2013 Well I made a move. He was straight. I'm going to be out to everybody now because ill be forced to. My life is over.
Come on, tell us what happened here! Your life is definitely not over; shit like this happens all the time.
He insisted that we sleep in my car last night. And he suggested that we take some shots. So we did, I drank a little more than him. I had the one blanket and he lifted it up to get under it too. When were we laying there, I turned to him and told him that I had to ask him about something. I brought up the picture of with sweatpants boner, and he laughed and said it was a joke. Then he asked me if I was gay and I instinctively said no. So we just laughed it off and went to sleep. When he was sleeping, I pulled the whole "I can't control my limbs because I'm sleeping" and outstretched my arm onto his stomach. He woke up and just said "no." and moved my arm. But I was really drunk, so this wasn't going to stop me. Later on, I raised my knee to his butt, and he said "Get your boner out of my ass" and moved my knee. At this point, he went and sat in the drivers seat of the car and didn't go back to sleep. He was angry that I insinuated that he was gay. Not livid angry but more of an annoyed angry. I told him that he can trust me, and that I was almost positive that he was gay, but I understand. We went our separate ways and he said that we were going to meet up for dinner later. At this point, I didn't know what to think at all. He texted me saying "after what I do with girls, I'm not gay". I just said "I really thought I was right, too. And I was going to accept you because you are a good person and you are my friend" Then he again asked if I really thought he was gay and I said "A little bit. Other people asked me about it and it got me thinking. And that picture. And I just connected the dots and it was all wrong apparently" And he said "yeah" I'm slated to go to dinner with him tonight, I guess. I do not know what to think.
Hmmm. As I said, I'm no wise guy here, but I had a friend exactly like this who insists that he's straight, but he is definitely not. I don't know if he's gay or in denial, or if he's bisexual and doesn't want to be or what, but he was definitely up for something at some point. And what did I do? I ruined it by coming out to him, of course. This guy would definitely have fucked me or done something with me, but he didn't want to think that that made him gay. It's illogical, but people often act illogically. So there's no way I would even have brought up the whole topic of being gay or anything like that! I would have just made the move. Why did he insist on you sleeping in his car in the first place? That sounds like he was pretty up for something if you ask me. He just didn't want to think it was gay. He probably just wanted to mess around. Anyway: it's probably better that it happened this way if we're being "wise", because if something did happen, you probably would have been looking for more, and it seems he's not ready to acknowledge that side of him. And, it doesn't sound like your life is over if you're meeting him for dinner. Just one more thing ... is it normal where you are for two guys to go for dinner? Where I am, "going for dinner" with another guy is definitely perceived as gay, while "getting something to eat" is not. Are you "getting something to eat" or "going out for dinner"? He didn't say he was going to out you. There's no indication of this.
I feel like he would out me without any regard. I do not know why he insisted to sleep in my car. Also, he blew me off for dinner. SO that's that. I agree that he does very gay things, things that are dead giveaways that he is gay. He seems to flirt and stuff like that to an extent. I don't understand him. I guess I'll never be able to.
Can you not ask him not to out you? While it's probably better that you are out in the long run, do you think maybe you could just tell him you were really drunk and that you were a bit horny and that you're not actually gay? Did you explicitly say that you were gay?
Why? I think you're either not telling us the entire story, or you're being completely irrational (which is fine - sometimes the irrational side of us takes over and we just need a voice of reason to snap us out of it) There's been nothing in this thread that would suggest that he would out you, and a lot in this thread to suggest that your friend is gay (or at very least bi), even if he isn't ready to admit it himself. A closeted guy will generally not out anyone, because they'd have an intense fear of being outed themselves. So I really do think that your secret is safe.
That's what I did. I don't know if it worked though. He is texting back with short answers and stuff like that. ---------- Post added 29th Mar 2013 at 04:02 PM ---------- Thank you for your insight, and you are probably right that I am being irrational.
