I know my friend is gay, but he doesn't recognize it. How can I help?

I think this is a tough one, to be honest. I think the only thing you can do is talk about your own sexuality and bring up the topic of sexuality more often. Maybe comment on hot guys and things.

But other than that, I really think that this is something he has to come to terms with himself. There's not a whole lot you can do, other than recognise that he's having a hard time with this — which is obvious.

 

1) You seem to recognize this, but keep in mind you can't be sure he's gay or bi. If he is, he needs to come to terms with it himself. Riding on assumptions often leads to poor results; better safe than sorry.

2) Are you out to him?

 

The obvious first question seems to be: does he know you are bi? If he doesn't, coming out to him would be a good first step. That would mean that if he's willing, you are probably a safe person to talk to. If he already knows about you, it's far more tricky. You can try to make yourself available to him, maybe talk about some guys you find attractive, basically playing around with that theme. However, that can easily turn to feel like you are coming on to him.

In the end, be aware that you must not push him. If he doesn't want to discuss or even think about this, that's his call. Also, you have no idea if there is something completely else in his life that's causing him to be distant, depressed or any of that other stuff.

---------- Post added 26th Mar 2013 at 12:38 AM ----------

Err.. I basically repeated what others already said. That's what happens when you open a thread and return to it after doing the dishes

 

If he were 100% straight but 'extremely anxious and borderline depressed recently' how would you, as his friend, handle the situation? Assuming you had no idea what the issue might be (which is the approach you need to take at this point). Until and unless he comes out to you that would seem to be the approach to take.

Todd

 

He won't come out until he's good and ready. If he's open and you're out to him, then you could bring it up. But if he doesn't know, you could be kissing your friendship goodbye. If he's not able to confide in you, then you really can't do anything. It's a very tough situation but you don't want to lose him. So, just be his friend and make sure you know he's ok and that he knows you are there for him.

 

This is pretty much spot on advice. I will just reiterate the fact that you could be kissing your friendship goodbye if you aren't careful, especially if he actually is gay/bi. I found myself in a somewhat similar situation quite recently. In my case, i had more actual emotions invested into it. Either way, my friendship quite literally exploded into a million pieces and ended with my friend trying his hardest to hurt me as much as he could(emotionally speaking). Funny thing is, after seeing my friends reaction, I now know for sure that he really is gay, even as fiercely as he denies it. Does me no good now, as all we feel is anger and hatred towards each other. For both your sake, just focus on being friends and being there for him if/when he needs you.

 

I agree with the last two comments. You have to be very careful when approaching the topic. I tried to talk to my friend about this very same situation and he just got all defensive and wouldn't talk to me all summer break. He wasn't a really close friend, but I felt sad because he needed someone's help and he wouldn't let me in. Just keep bringing up the topic of sexuality and keep telling him that he can trust you. I hope this helps.

 

I agree with AKTodd. I think if you act like you don't know what the problem is but know theres a problem and just keep poking at that and hopefully you'l get an answer, good luck.

PS wish i had a gaydar!`