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is it normal. need advice..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by alexher, Mar 26, 2013.

  1. alexher

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    First of all, im 26 and I recently accepted the fact that I wasnt going to "change" it hasn't even been a year. Currently only 2 cousins know and I'm actually willing to tell more people but obviously I'm scared, also 5 months ago I met this amazing guy who even though is younger than me , it seems like he is the oldest. He has been seriously understanding and I had hurt him so many times because of my fears and insecurities. I'm really tired though. Since we live an hour away we don't see each other that often but we txt all the time. So we went out yesterday and I had so much fun . Today I woke up so happy but there's a huge fight within me about accepting all this. I know I love him. And I don't wanna lose him, but sometimes I'm an ass with him. I consider myself a in between masculine guy.perhaps my shyness is what makes people think I'm gay. I thought I didn't have a problem with people knowing but I guess I was wrong. For example yesterday my boyfriend was so excited about giving me a stuffed animal. And I hate saying no to him cos I.know he does these things because he loves me. Same thing when he tries to.give me flowers. If I didn't live with family I prob wouldn't care but I depend on them since I'm trying to finish school. Or perhaps its just an excuse .. I don't know.. also, even though I know I'm gay I hate when I find out that family or friends been asking around if I'm gay . Like I said it doesn't take a genius to realize I'm gay but I don't know why it still hurts. Also, on facebookmy boyfriend likes a lot of stuff I post on Facebook or pictures ... I an even.though I'm not trying to tell the world I'm gay I kinda leave a lot of clues for my family to ask these kind of questions. I really want to tell my parents the truth but I guess I have to.fully accept I'm gay before I go tell my parents . I really don't know what to do? I hate that we can't have a.normal relationship just like straight couples do. And I don't want our relationships to be a secret forever. I mean he's still in the closet too. Even though his parents found out about one gay relationship he had but they have never talked about it. Something that I think is important here is that he is my first relationship ever. Yeah I know kinda lame since I'm 26 and still a virgin. So please I need advice .. is there anyone out there that feels or felt like this.. or is it just me? Thanks.
     
  2. TwoMethod

    Full Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Trust me, you are by no means alone.

    It's really hard to come to terms with being gay, and for most of us, it doesn't just take weeks or month or even a year. It takes several years. And for most people, you're never fully there. There is always a next step to take.

    When you say that you have to fully accept that you're gay, I think you have accepted that you're gay. You're sure of it. But I think you have to get used to being gay. That's your issue. You have to become comfortable with yourself.

    What do you think the reaction of your family would be? If you think it will be positive, then I don't think you need to wait until you're 100% happy with your sexuality. They can also help you get through it. Sure, they might be taken aback and have to go through their own stages of grief just like you have, but at least there will be a commonality between you and your family.

    You have you ask yourself though: why are you such an ass to your boyfriend? It's just a shitty excuse to take it out on him, and you simply have to tell yourself to stop it. He doesn't deserve it. It's fine telling yourself that you need to accept yourself first, but you definitely can't use this as an excuse to be an asshole. You need to start treating him with some respect, because based on what you said, he clearly deserves it.

    It's definitely hard when you feel you're slowly being dragged out of the closet and you're not ready — all these people wondering if you're gay. But if you look at the positive side of it, they all suspect you're gay and they seem to have no problem with it. There are a lot of people on here who don't have that. They don't have people who respect them for who they are, and for that, you should really count yourself lucky!

    That's just some of my initial, collated thoughts on your post.

    But to answer your question directly: yes, there are so many people who have felt just like you before. And there are just as many who feel this way right now. You are definitely not alone, and it definitely gets better.

    P.S. Please, please use paragraphs and line breaks when you're writing! It makes it so much easier to read.