Conversation between my dad and my brother about me

That's really hard. I'm sorry for what happened. But I agree with you that you should just be happy with you and forget about others sometimes. I feel bad, because when I think about coming out to my mom, I'm so afraid of losing her. I guess she will be supportive, but anything can happen. And I feel your pain. I'm really sorry.

But I guess things will change. Things MIGHT change, because your dad will see that you are not just playing around, or anything, that's who you are and you are happy being that way, so I guess your dad will understand someday, it's your dad, he loves you. He doesn't agree with you right now because it's new (I think) and he has to get used to it.

But I wish the best of luck to you.

PS.: your brother is amazing. I love it that you are friends and he is supportive of you. It's nice to have someone who supports you in times like that.

 

Wow, that’s rough. Sorry your dad thinks of you that way. (*hug*) Your brother is definitely awesome. Glad he is!

 

For a lot of people, sexuality is a conscious decision. And for a lot of those people, being straight is the right decision, and being anything else is a state of being confused about who you really are and what you really want. On the other hand, your profile does say that you don't know your orientation. I don't know what you told your father, but if you came out as unsure, then that can be confusion. I can't help but notice that your brother, who is clearly very accepting of you, also said you are experiencing confusion.

Try not to get so upset about what your father said. It looks like he is coming from a place of love. He's worried about you, man. He has seen your depression, and as a father he doesn't want to sit by and let you suffer through it.

Maybe he could have expressed that in another way. Maybe on some level he does have some misunderstandings about how being not straight works. But just as he is choosing to focus on you being happy and having a good future, maybe you can focus on the love he feels for you instead of whatever opinion you think he may have about your orientation. He has acted like he's supported you and in this conversation never explicitly said that "playing for the other team" is what he can't support. He said making the wrong decision.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't let a conversation that he didn't have with you change your opinion of him and how he feels about you for the worse. It seems to me like he loves you.

 

While it may seem like your father thinks that your sexuality is in your head or that you chose it, I think this conversation with your brother was just him expressing concern for your well being. From what you provided he mentioned how you have been depressed for some time and I am guessing he is equating this with your sexuality as he sees it has come from it or something like that from what I'm understanding.

Is your current mood a result from coming out? Or is it something else entirely? If the latter you might want to explain to him the reason. If it is about your sexuality, maybe sitting down and talking to him about it might be that best option. It seems to me that he cares for you and I think he'd be willing to listen to you. It could help him understand it isn't 'confusion' but who you are and that (once again you mood being about your sexuality/coming out) you have been struggling with it.

Anyways, I hope you two can talk about and he will understand. Remember that your brother is there for you too. Best of luck. (*hug*)

 

Parents can be stupid. I am one so I know this. Think it will just take time. Your Dad now knows your brother is on your side. Somewhere in his head and heart he knows he will have to change his way of thinking if he wants his sons in his life. Be patient. Hugs. Your not alone.

 

Your dad is just concerned. Parents have weird ways of being concerned, but know that he loves and wants the best for you, even though it feels like he is being a jerk

 

I'll join in in saying that your dad is probably doing relatively well. As a parent, he's concerned and he wants to help. Note that he is not saying being gay is wrong (even if he's not comfortable with it), but that he wants you to not be wrong. He wants you to do what's right for you. At the moment, you two maybe see things differently, but by openly trying to talk to your brother, he's showing that he wants to deal with his own insecurities while being sure that he doesn't come off as unsupportive to you. He knows he's having problems with this and he's trying to sort it out. In the meantime, he's trying to make sure that you get support from him and that his insecurities don't spill over to you. I'm not saying he's chosen the best way to do that, but still.

Also, don't think I think, even for a moment, that you are wrong about how hurtful some of those comments are. Of course they are. It's just that in the first post you seemed to have taken the stand of seeing the black side of the black-and-white picture. So when all these comments are trying to show it's actually gray, that doesn't mean we disagree with you.

 

I have to agree with the majority of the opinions, that yes your father is genuinely concerned for your wellbeing and to him what you're going through is a state of confusion. I think (forgive me If I'm wrong) he believes your depressive state can be solved if you "clear your mind". The only piece of advice I could offer you is to somehow educate him regarding LGBT issues.

Also it's great you have such a supporting brother, my brother's the same and like your situation it's my dad who always makes a comment whenever a publicly gay person appears on TV. :rolle: