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I think I have a crush on my best friend…

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by TheFlamesOfHell, Mar 29, 2013.

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  1. TheFlamesOfHell

    TheFlamesOfHell Guest

    Yes, I realise this thread has probably been created numerous times but I need to create it again. I need help.

    I'll start with one point and then move onto the main point…

    First of all, I'm 14 years old and struggling to come to terms with my bisexuality. I am aware that I'm bisexual, I've known it for several years now. I just can't cope. I'm in no way homophobic and my family has always taught me to accept people. I really don't know why I can't accept it upon myself. I just find it vile and disgusting when I think of myself doing things with another guy. Although, I do know that's what I like. I am definitely bisexual though because I've got a girlfriend, who I've been going out with for six months and I love her. We've started becoming more intimate and she does turn me on so, the issue between me being gay or bi is not present.

    Anyway, onto the actual main point… I've been best friends with this guy since the start of year 7. I am now in year 9 and I think I have a crush on him. We like the same things as each other, we've never had an argument and we seem so similar to each other! We like the same music, food, activities and yeah… I think that's why I am so attracted to him. He is just like me, we never disagree and we are just so similar. The one thing we're not the same on is our sexualities. He is straight, I am bisexual. I've come out to him and he was totally fine with it! I've even talked about my sexual thoughts about guys and he doesn't seem disgusted at all. He accepts it more than me, which is weird.

    What makes things worse is that I'm completely torn, I love my girlfriend very much but I'm very confused about my best friend. I've never experimented with a guy and so I am even more confused with that. The most I've done with a guy is hugged and kissed on the cheek, which was with my best friend… I can't deal with this! Everytime I'm with him I fight back urges to kiss him! I wouldn't cheat on my girlfriend but my head is so f*cked up right now! Another thing, I'm recovering from a depression which is included with not accepting my bisexuality. I used to self-harm but no longer do.

    Seriously, I know this is long but I need real help! My entire life is f*cked up and I can't cope. I feel the need to self-harm everyday! It's been about a week since I last did it and I can't keep resisting it. It seems like I'm resisting so many things; the urge to kiss my friend, the urge to cut, the urge to die… I'm sorry this is really depressing and long but I didn't know where else to turn!

    Thanks for reading, if you do.
     
    #1 TheFlamesOfHell, Mar 29, 2013
  2. stumble along

    stumble along
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    This seems more of a rant if anthing, but you are in a relationship and you have to honor the monogony that it requires, it doesn't matter if you like a girl or a boy. I would come out and talk to your girlfriend, though don't mention your friend.

    If you feel comfortable I would try and talk with your friend, sure hes straight but maybe talking to him and having him say it will never happen will get you to move on.

    Sorry for typos, phone.
     
    #2 stumble along, Mar 29, 2013
  3. TheFlamesOfHell

    TheFlamesOfHell Guest

    Yeah, sorry for the rant :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I've came out to my girlfriend. She has no problem with it, I've even told her that I find boys more sexually attractive that girls and she's still fine with it. She's a goddess she really is!

    I could try to tell him, I suppose… thanks.
     
    #3 TheFlamesOfHell, Mar 29, 2013
  4. Aeriestars

    Aeriestars
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    You have to understand that if you and your girlfriend were to break-up, you guys could still be friends afterwards. It would be easier for you to break up, or take a break, and try exploring and understanding yourself more on a sexual level. If, by the time you're done figuring things out, she's still single and you decide that you want her back - go for it. This is just a really important part of life, stop being afraid of it and dive in without thinking. Spontaneity makes life exciting!
     
    #4 Aeriestars, Mar 29, 2013
  5. TheFlamesOfHell

    TheFlamesOfHell Guest

    I've been thinking that a lot, I know it would be easier because I could do things without cheating. I hate the idea of cheating but I also hate the idea of being confused forever. Maybe I should request a break… I don't know how she would take that though. Everything about this situation sucks.
     
    #5 TheFlamesOfHell, Mar 30, 2013
  6. clarkec1

    clarkec1 Guest

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    Perhaps you should spend some time to think about your sexuality and relationships, especially because you are trying to become content with who you are. As you have already told you girlfriend about your bisexuality, it may be time to let your friend know how you feel towards him.

    DON'T RUSH IT, you haven't got to tell him straight away, wait until the time is right. You could spend more time with him, and try to become more intimate with him (sitting closer to him; talking about the subject of bisexuality with him?). If you do things like this then he may find out how you feel towards him without you even saying anything.

    If he still doesn't seem to have recognised who you are, then the best thing to do is to tell him. And please acknowledge that I say tell him, not ask him. It's almost imperative that you do not directly ask him out, and that you simply tell him how you feel. If you do this instead of asking him out, he will understand that you are being serious and feel real emotions for him. Even if he declines and is a real friend, then he will understand and support you.

    Some straight guys will give it a go at going out with another guy. This may be because they want to experiment and see if they have a sexuality that they did not already know they had.

    It must be difficult for you, especially because you have got a girlfriend. If you feel more attached and romantically attracted to your friend then give it a go, if you feel more for your girlfriend, then you have still got a relationship. The decision is yours.

    Good luck!

    Callum x :slight_smile:
     
    #6 clarkec1, Mar 30, 2013
  7. TheFlamesOfHell

    TheFlamesOfHell Guest

    Thanks for the answer. I have been spending a lot more time with him recently, although that's just because I never spend much time with friends because I'm always with my girlfriend. I know it seems wrong but maybe I should just start becoming closer to him while remaining with my girlfriend… it sounds so horrible but my life is completely confusing, right now!

    She deserves someone better than me, for sure. Somebody who can treat her right and love her solely. If I was more comfortable with my sexuality and things I could give her more but I just think it's a bad time.

    But I won't rush anything, I'll just see what happens in the next few weeks/months.

    Once again, thanks all for your replies so far. They've got me thinking some more about what to do! :slight_smile:
     
    #7 TheFlamesOfHell, Mar 30, 2013
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