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Back Against The Wall

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by alumael, Mar 30, 2013.

  1. alumael

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    Hey there everyone, this is my first post here and.. it's pretty much a cry for help/advice. I've been with this guy for almost two years now, and for a majority of those two years everything was great between us. However, he cheated on me three times... and for some reason I can still tell him I love him and feel so happy and safe when he is with me.. I really don't know what to do, and I'm not sure why I still feel this way about him.. We recently went through a "break" where he said he needed to make sure if he still wanted to be in a relationship, and he chose that he still wanted to be with me.. things have been shakey ever since, as if I'm walking on eggshells just to make sure things go right with us, so we stay together.

    This part I may be blowing out of proportion but, yesterday (3/30/2012) his best friend got married. After the marriage they all got drunk and he may not make it over to Easter. It may sound selfish but I'm bummed out that I wont get to spend a holiday with my boyfriend...

    Any advice someone could give would be welcomed.. Thanks in advance.
     
  2. myheartincheck

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    First off welcome! :welcome:

    You know he has cheated on you three times. That is what you KNOW of. He doesn't spend holidays with you. He makes you feel like you must walk on eggshells to earn his affections. He took a "break" from you to see if HE wanted you.

    You see my point. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like trouble in paradise... and I'm sure you are aware of what you SHOULD do, but it does not align with what you WANT to do? Yes?

    ~<3
     
    #2 myheartincheck, Mar 30, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2013
  3. alumael

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    Thanks for the welcome. :slight_smile:

    It's just hard to think about letting him go, we've been through so much. I mean, not saying you are wrong in what you are saying.. just.. hard. If only it was that easy to just, kill your feelings towards someone break ups would never be hard.

    He's spent pretty much every holiday with me before, it's just this Easter.. Which again sounds silly, but I would rather him be here then spend it alone.

    If I knew why I still care about him this much after everything, maybe it would help me understand why it's so hard to let go and why I find it close to impossible to ever see myself without him..

    I know I sound naive, I'm a hopeless romantic :\
     
  4. myheartincheck

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    It's not unreasonable to want to spend Easter with loved ones.

    Maybe you fear loneliness more than you fear being with someone who isn't good for you. Truer words were never spoken that it is hard to "get over" those feelings we have. It's been hell for me getting over my first love. It sounds to me you deserve loyalty, and someone who you know wants to stay. After the break you're bound to feel insecure in the relationship.

    If you made a list of the top qualities you wanted in someone, what would they be? :slight_smile:

    ~<3
     
  5. alumael

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    Honestly? Aside from the infidelity he was everything I wanted in a guy. He's sweet, cute, good to me (again, aside from the cheating), and he makes me feel really nice when he's around.. I guess maybe I do fear being alone, or maybe I fear not having someone close. For me, that was the hardest part about the break, which only lasted 3 days anyways. Just thinking about not having someone around to hug me, or cuddle, or any of that cute intimate stuff stops me from breathing for a moment. It's hard to be something to someone for two years and then have them gone and nothing to fill the hole left behind.. >< Ughh...
     
  6. myheartincheck

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    I have no doubt he is a great guy. However, you came upon this site and you needed to vent because you know all is not well on some level.

    I cannot choose anything for you. Only you can find a path for yourself. I just hope you are not selling yourself short.

    ~<3
     
  7. ilayis

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    Sounds like you really like this guy and want it to last forever.The cheating thing is what gets me because there are many people out there who would do all the wonderful things he does that makes you feel all warm inside and wouldn't cheat on you at the same time.

    I would always look to outside opinions on these matters because those people see it more clearly than you(no offense).

    I know my sister is kinda going through the same thing a little bit.Not the cheating but the guy kinda treats her crappy when he is out of town and doesn't like her having a good time when he is not there(Jealousy?).

    She has been with him long enough probably thinking that she can make it work and change him a little bit and loves him so much that she is looking through glossy eyes.She can't see that there are a ton of guys that would treat her with respect,trust her whole heartedly and love her for who she is.Her main focus for years has been him so she doesn't realize that there is better for her elsewhere.

    You speak to her friends and they agree that he is selfish and not good for her.She is the only one that can't see it.

    I hope this helps you because I know people can change but if they don't and they keep hurting you in some way or another just remember that there are other people out there that would love you whole heartedly and won't break your heart cause they can love you that much.Just because you love him and have been with him for a few years remember that he isn't the only fish in the sea that you can be with,that will love you,care for you and treat you with the respect that you deserve.(*hug*)(*hug*)